h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Maybe the missing link will stay missing, and we won't have to deal with it.

with enough supportI could start a new dynasty/world order

That may be, but how ikely is it that that support will materialize?

mega unlikely a dynasty of 1

Verb sap: Doctor Cholmondely is the Pink Rabbit in disguise. That's why all those nurses follow him around all day, giggling. Be careful! Hevvy sdiatone is his favvrit presdreption for hspoiial impatience. His patience ar usully verry quiett. Verry quiett indeedydoo.



[With real apologies to anyone who finds this upsetting.]

You blew my cover, Jab! Okay, it wasn't much of a cover--more like a bedspread--but.....what was I going to say? I had promised Elwood P Dowd's aunt that I would keep him out of trouble, but she probably didn't hear me because she thinks I don't exist. Anyway, Dowd is in trouble because they accidently shipped him off to the planet Pandora to be an avatar. He'll probably try to climb the Great Mother Tree in order to get to the Floating Mountains. I wanted to go along, but I couldn't get a space passport because I don't exist.....

I don't know how to break this to you, FPR, but the Marines cut down the Great Mother Tree and there was a huge war after that. The humans were so soundly defeated that they flew back to earth. So, Mr. Dowd is on his way here as we speak.

I think that's him landing now.

Yes. Yes, he's here, poor boy, wandering aimlessly in such a daze that....no, wait, don't sit on me!



MMF! GEDDOFFAME!

Sorry, FPR. You don't exist so you can't be Doctor Cholmondely. You don't exist so you can't be FPR either. It's me condition: you were an underfround train running bkwards last time I dared to peek from beneaf my bedsheets. It's my conditiod yu kno. Tey told me teyd let me get up in a foe wooks or munfs but I no they;re lyin cos dey don't exist...

mmm..dey give u good stuff 'ere...no 'eadakes ivor...

Jbas

(again to anyone this upsets - sorry, it's in mindless fun and written by an idiot)

Ere - wot you 2 up 2 in my room? I'll ave you no....mmm...I'm an FBI....mmmmmmmm

The fluffy pink rabbit had time on his hands.
He flew off to Vegas and stayed at the Sands.
He hopped to the bar, where he happened to talk
To singular, one-of-a-kind Jabberwock.

“I do not exist,” the old Jabberwock said,
“Which usually happens whenever one’s dead.
I save on my food bill, likewise on apparel.
I owe my good fortune to old Lewis Carroll.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” FPR did intone.
“You see, I have existence gaps of my own.
There’s naught but polyester in my head.
I’m able to talk, though I surely am dead.”

“Excuse me,” said Jabberwock, “I’m deader still.
No body had I, nor a soul they could kill.”
“I’m just a stuffed toy!” said the rabbit. “I’m deader!”
They argued for hours, and never got better!

Thanks.

Not at all. It's really, really good, and I'm proud to be in it. Thought of putting it in The Post before you go for the Pullitzer?



Jabs

The Post?



What a great idea!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/7414334/Large-Hadron-Collider-to-close-for-a-year-for-refit-and-repairs.html


what a bill and who pays?? LOL! err! heads will roll and WE have to learn lessons, statements yet to comemaybe

Relax, professor. This is an experiment. Experiments sometimes succeed and they sometimes fail. It isn't necessary to look for someone to blame, since we're already ahead in our knowledge. Many nations are collaborating on the experiment, so it isn't all falling on any one country's taxpayers' shoulders.

I think that's a cool theory about Nature abhoring what we're doing, and sending it back at us from the future to destroy us. There are plenty of *other* things out there that can destroy us, so maybe Nature will have to get in line .

cheers Paul
I can understand glitches and the odd obstacle in mechanics of machinery that size etc and planning can't cover every eventuality, butjust to smash 2 bits of "matter" together seems overboard a little

I think of it as a massive racetrack for itty bitty particles.

true, but! there are races on the flats and over the fenceshadron looks like it's fences