h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There's an intriguing musical called 'The Challenge', based on the Theseus/Minotaur legend. The minotaur's future mummy (crazy lady) and daddy (the bull) have a duet called 'I want to be the bull inside your china shop'. The phrase has never been the same for me since I heard that song!

*screams with laughter at David's version of Bull in China Shop*

To describe someone who is distracted ....

Like a fart in a trance

Yes, I already gave that one. XD It's one that my Dad has been known to use.

Then there is the famous "like a cat on a hot tin roof."

Like a fly in the ointment.
As cute as a button.
As droopy as a willow after a summer rain.

As limp as a rag

As big as all outdoors

Slept like a log
or a baby

Confused as a fart in a tornado.

'Common' meaning plebian, lackluster, hoi-polloi:

He's as common as pig tracks.
He's as common as owl s***.
He's so common his p*** don't foam.

Yep, many good metaphors are vulgar...but appropriate.

A lot of the metaphors Hyp and I heard growing up were questionable. Our Dad had a way with words.
How about "Cold enough to freeze the b***s off a brass monkey" or
"As dry as a popcorn fart".

nasty enough to gag a maggot

Busy as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest.

Colder than a well-digger's butt.

Hot as a pistol.

Freezing the balls off a brass monkey is actually a fact. I wish I could remember where I saw that - I'll have to check out snopes, might have been there. It had something to do with the way canon balls were stored and the fact that metal reacts to temperature and so on... and the balls rolled off the 'monkey' which was made of brass. I'll have to find that again.

For a member of Liars Anonymous:
You lie like a rug.

Okay, I stand (or sit) corrected. Actually now I feel pretty silly for buying it. In my defense it was a long time ago...
http://www.snopes.com/language/stories/brass.htm

Actually, Snopes don't agree with the cannonball thing: http://www.snopes.com/language/stories/brass.htm

Simulpost. Don't worry, Broe, it's one of those things you hear all over the place.

Yes, I got that. Actually, it's entirely possible I read it there to begin with and just *chose* not to recall the less interesting part of the story

Broe, I've heard the same story about the cannon balls.

Ditto. Must be one of those things that is widely believed.

I'm thinking I heard it on the History Channel.