Sick of this space

I AM NOT A NUMBER

I'm telling you this 'cause the quote was just so good it would be a shame not to.

Rammstein have gained a certain notoriety for the stunt I am about to relay to you. During 'Buck dich' ('Bend down') Till whips out of his trousers a fake *ahem* male reproductive organ (I think I got away with that one). It has a hose running through it and Till sprays the audience and Flake with a liquid coming from off stage. Soooo what is the liquid that sprays out I hear you ask? (Okay, you didn't ask, but you have to find out or the whole purpose of this story is pointless) Yes, so what is the liquid I hear you ask?

"Now it's Pernod [a French liqueur] and water," laughs Flake. "It smells good. Last year, we got milk and it was horrible--it created quite an odor. And then he tried a powdered mix, but that, shall we say, clogged the pipe. As much as he tried, nothing came out. And we know how embarrassing it is when nothing comes out!"

A face swarming with spiders.

Hello, I'm a depressed crazy person with an overactive imagination. I get musicians to tell people what I think and I have two sets of parents (one set I made up). I believe that my whole existance is just a sick joke and it's been known for me to tell people so very loudly and publicly. I frequently become obsessed with people/ bands/ places/ minerals etc. Learn more about me and my queer ways here:

http://www.geocities.com/master_of_the_subtle

I often have conversations with myself. It's very hard to make me talk sense. Try if you wish, but prepare for disappointment. So. Me eh?

  1. Where to begin... well, I'm female
  2. It's also apparent that nobody reads this, so I can put whatever the f**k I want!
  3. I'm about 5,11
  4. And I live in Hertfordshire... burr aye
  5. I only ever wear boots or very occasionally on special or dignified occasions torn and battered black trainers
  6. My favourite non alcoholic drinks are ribena and coffee, my favourite alcoholic drinks are (of course) Absinthe, vodka, Zombie The, Mint Julep's and Rum
  7. I have about 38 people on my MSN contacts list, I talk to four of them
  8. The previous bullet point is out of date, I now only talk to three of them
  9. The previous bullet point is out of date, I now only talk to myself
  10. I'm desperately unhappy
  11. Each of my ears is pierced three times and one hole is stretched out to hold tribal earrings etc, soon to be four holes pierced.. possibly 6 if I can handle the thought of getting my tragus and rook done too
  12. The film Heavenly Creatures is so like my life it's scary, apart from the resenting my Mother part, which is rather inaccurate... (strangely enough, twas directed by Peter Jackson, the chap who directed Lord of the Rings, must be a New Zealand thing)
  13. I have no friends, one lover but no friends
  14. Marquis Cha Cha is going to London soon on Kerouacian travels (I only mention it because I'm running out of bullet points and I was just told)
  15. Apparently, I am gay
  16. No, wait. I am gay
  17. No, wait again. I am bi
  18. I'm an enthusiastic Absinthe collector
  19. I'm also an alcoholic
  20. When I say someone's name I jump and roll my head, I've only discovered this today, and apparently it's true
  21. My favourite number is 42 (You don't say...)
  22. The last real band I went to see was 'Ramms+ein', might be worth mentioning the Almish chap here a few times (I also AGAIN tried to book tickets to see Einstürzende Neubauten but I forgot to do something important, pay for them)
  23. UPDATED... I HAVE been to see Einstürzende Neubauten, I went the day before yesterday, today I am going to see Dead Can Dance
  24. The last local band I went to were 'Not Katies', whoever the hell they are (some lame unsigned teen band that play at the Pioneer), which I didn't actually hear, because I snuck out the back, got drunk, couldn't get back over the fence, so went and sat behind a parked minibus, then realised I was trying to go over the wrong fence, went over the right one, got back inside, felt really sick, then left and went to Costa coffee to be ill... Slightly irrelevant, I admit (Lucie Wells had read this, so it's worth mentioning that I went with her and Ruzina, blame them)
  25. I'm currently undergoing counselling. It's odd having one person know everything about you from sexual partners to preferred method of self mutilation
  26. I dislike cheese except mozzarella
  27. I'm not sure of my shoe size - I wear shoes ranging from size 7's to 11's. Really. In fact, I bought a pair of size 9 and a half boots yesterday, 13 pounds. Lovely
  28. I still sleep with a cuddly toy seal I got from Ikea, it's about the size of my torso
  29. I am very paranoid
  30. And
  31. Well
  32. That's it...

I'm quite fanatical about music, I swing from Industrial to 80s Dark Wave, from Classical to very occasionally mildy-popular rock But apart from a few oddities (see the bands in brackets below), if I could sum my taste up in a sentence "Anything with a reputation is usually a good bet". So, I enjoy the music syylings of... Bauhaus (Peter Murphy *bow*), Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Einstürzende Neubauten, In Extremo, VNV Nation, Wagner, Sisters of Mercy, Dead Can Dance, Beethoven, Depeche Mode, Skinny Puppy, Rammstein, Ministry, Laibach, Curve, Fields of the Nephilim, Tchaikovsky, Funker Vogt, Aphex Twin and of course mister Reznor's Nine Inch Nails. (The few 'popular' bands that I enjoy are somewhat better than the sort of stuff you tend to get on XFM, I like such bands as The EMBLD, My Bloody Valentine, Eels, Basement Jaxx and old Muse works- Hullabaloo etc)

I like movies. A lot. Really. My favourite film of all time is possibly 'Goodbye Lenin', quality film. But I have other favourites. A lot of other favourites. As I have so many favourites it would be a good move to sort them by director, would it not?
Tim Burton-- Beetlejuice, Mars Attacks!, Sleepy Hollow, Batman, Nightmare Before Christmas and Edward Scissorhands
Terry Gilliam et Terry Jones-- Monty Python's Life of Brian, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Luc Besson-- Leon, The Fifth Element and The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc
Stanley Kubrick-- A Clockwork Orange, 2001: a space Odyssey, Full Metal Jacket, The Shining and Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Ben Sharpsteen-- Fantasia, Dumbo and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Ridley Scott-- Gladiator, Hannibal, Alien, G.I.Jane and Blade Runner
Quentin Tarantino-- Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill I und II and Pulp Fiction
Roman Polanski-- Rosemary's Baby, Chinatown and The Pianist
Here are the others...
Heavenly Creatures, Silence of the Lambs, The Matrix, About Schmidt, Dracula (Bela Lugosi),
Here are those which are so amazingly awful they are brilliant!
Interview With the Vampire (so bad it was good), Red Dragon(so bad it was good), Dracula (starring G.Oldman), Queen of the Damned (again, so bad it was good), Picnic (So bad it was good), Resident Evil (so bad it was good) and every single Blade film ever made. Genius!

Bookz iz gud. I like classic works, be they of the Gothic genre or not... Bram Stoker, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Edgar Allen Poe, Dante, Goethe, Mary Shelley and Wilkie Collins.
Fyodor Dostoevsky
I'm also a firm lover of modern classics, those authors you know and hoped wouldn't appear on another profile... Joseph Heller, Anthony Burgess, Ken Kesey, Jean-Paul Sartre, T.S.Eliot, William Golding, George Orwell, JD Salinger, Evelyn Waugh, Alain-Fournier, Albert Camus, Jack Kerouac (Dharma Bums is essential reading, how can you live and not have read it?) and of course my heroine when plagued with angst and even when not... Syliva Plath.
Modern books and authors I'm more picky about... But Bill Bryson will forever hold a place in my heart *long sigh, wipes away a tear*. I'm also fond of Mark Wallington and Douglas Adams. I also occasionally dip into Anne Rice and Thomas Harris.(And before you ask... I have read Micheal Moore's books but my issues with him are complicated and often a little erratic, I admire him to an extent but disagree with many aspects of his politics.)

"The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest."
-- Sir Jacketh of Dee

Yaw, I saw Jack at the weekend. Tres amusant, Pope joke in bad taste?

And now for something completely different... Uhm, here are a few poems I like.
The Laboratory-- Robert Browning
Mad Girl's Love Song-- Sylvia Plath
Full Time Loser-- John Cooper Clarke

Boohbah. Just one very long advert for Boohbah merchandise..

Hmm, none of that made sense did it? Ah well.

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R.G.W - And at no point during this outing did I run the risk of being cool... [temporarily or possibly permanently missing]

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