h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My true love has sent me some spinach,
In cans that are obviously tinnish.
Popeye rejects 'em.
My kitty cat wrecks 'em.
I hope this will not prove my finish.

The snow has finally come to South Ockendon
even though it was forecasted for heavy rain.
It started to snow through the early dawn
to herald the start of winter's reign.

A storm brought six inches of snow.
It's white everywhere that I go.
My shovel is new.
It deftly cuts through.
The sun gives the landscape a glow.

Peace has come to Canterville
But so has frost and flakes
The ghosts who once
would rattle their chains
are skating on the lakes

My bedding has penguins on skiis.
We've penguins clear up to our knees.
They ski across plates.
They do figure eights.
Could you take them away, oh, please?

Rocking around the Christmas tree
in a good old fashioned way.
Filling all with much humour and glee
at the sight of a flying toupee,

There is a bunny who loves to hop
and join the fun eating a currant bun.
Some are practising the belly flop
with a nun who's on the run with a ray gun.

They will get a strange recurring feeling
that time is quickly going backward.
This pleases the guests who find this appealing
when sampling delicacies from the smorgasbord,

Time's going backward? Oh, dear!
My work's getting undone, I fear.
The smorgasbord's there,
And my stomach is bare.
I won't get to eat it this year.

Sorry but we won't give you any assistance
or support as you are far too old.
No matter how much persistence
you ask for help even if your approach is bold.
Our service is far to small for those who're older
as we don't help those older than thirty.
So we go and give older adults the cold shoulder
and only help that's given, is to go private and pay a hefty fee.

"Bah, Humbug!" said Scrooge, "I've no pity
For old, hungry folks in this city.
For all self-made men,
I say, Plan again
To feed yourselves. That is my ditty."

The thing about scrooges, you see,
they are far less happy than me.
Discarding all yuletide hullabaloo
I walk to the market and buy me a stew

- and a bottle or two.

A bottle? A bottle or two?
They went on an Ark made of yew.
The flood they survived.
Since then, we've derived
Their bottlish offspring, a slew!

The weather is getting colder outside
all I want to do is go and slip and slide.
It is so cold that my knees starting knocking
due to a Scandinavian high causing Northern blocking.
There is no where special for us to go
so let it snow, let it flow and let it glow.

The weather is out there is so delightful
and it helps me become more insightful.
All I want to eat is chocolate cacao
whenever I know it is going to heavily snow.
There are many places that I want to go and see
where I am filled with much glee that makes me fit as a flea.

The snow has been falling for a whole day and night
that gives some people a fright but others it is a delight.
It does not look like it will be stopping which has other yawping
but all I want to do is travel to the Mall to do a lot of shopping.
I am drinking a rum spice flavoured hot drink that makes me think
about ways of joining the clique who meet up at the Ice rink.

I have a snowball fight with an imaginary knight
which is being chased by a *LOTR Barrow Wight.
The blizzard has turned into a very bad snow storm
when the snowflakes start to change its form.
It clumps all together and it becomes a giant snowman
wearing a kerchief, bandanna and a long flowing caftan.

*LOTR = Lord of the Rings

There are chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
As the snow falls on to on the last winter rose
and frost is still lingering on the evergreen briar.
The town crier is practising his Yuletide prose
about a country squire who got stuck in the mire.

Bring in the organic and free range Roast Goose
followed by Flo and Joe who are going with the flow.
They brought in with them the brandy orange chocolate mousse
behind the guests coming with gateaux and bordeaux .
While others come with garlands made of fir and spruce.

Singing and dancing will help make the feast very jolly.
There will be a play about a Hittite who became a cartwright
and the origins of the evergreen ivy, mistletoe and the holly
which the audience greatly enjoyed as it filled them with delight.
Then all the Weasley family arrived headed by the matriarch Molly.

They know that Sinterklass is on his way to the merry soiree.
as after the banquet there will be a very handsome buffet.
A glass of eau de vie and a deep filled sherry flavoured mince pie
will be given to all those who possess second sight and the third eye.
The abbe will come and pray for more snow and a ride on Santa's sleigh.

In Winter, few roses will bloom
Unless they're in pots in your room,
So moisten their soil.
It isn't much toil.
You don't want to seal your plant's doom.

Sleigh bells ring, people grin and begin to swing.
They are tied up in string as they begin to sing.
There will be much cheer when they drink the mulled beer
which inspire the seer to prophesize and magically disappear.
The snow is quietly falling when others are pub crawling
as they have races where they are beer hauling.
There is such a wondrous sight to when Bub* has a fight with a sprite
to the delight of Wolverine and Deadpool who take flight.
The snow magically glistens making it look like a magic winter wonderland
where there is a brass band with singers who all look quite grand.


*Bob is the imaginary and invisible friend of Wolverine and Bub

I meant Bub is the imaginary and invisible friend of Wolverine and Deadpool

O, they are identical twins.
Bob triumphs, so surely Bub wins.
They stand on their own,
They talk on the phone,
And snark about Wolverine's sins.

My dad has a vineyard in France.
He thinks it will give him his chance,
Nut I'm not so sure.The soil there is poor,
And unicorns tromp on his plants.