h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Merlin's a great fascination.
His magic once helped a great nation.
His wand he did shake.
Then appeared a great cake,
But today we'd just use automation.

Merlin is a true Celtic hero as a adviser, prophet and magician
who is also a great visionary who goes on many adventures and quests.
He is a truly gifted and powerful sorcerer who has a mission
that will really put him to the test in preparation for the Wizard's fest.

Take a hike with Mike on a bike to the river's dyke to see a shriek
fly to the ancient village turnpike to play on abandoned old trike.
Nearby is a lake with a very proud looking drake feeding on a hake
given to him by a rambler drinking a milkshake topped with a flake.

I just bought a calendar with castles
To solve my "what day is it?" hassles.
I'll pretend I'm on tour.
I can be rich, not poor.
My imagination' so facile!

I make a lot of din in my cabin
when playing my cello violin.
I jump up and down one spot
giving me food for thought
about getting a luxury yacht.

I make a lot of din in my cabin
when playing my cello violin.
I jump up and down on one spot
giving me food for thought
about getting a luxury yacht.

A ship bound for nowhere I boarded,
The only one that I afforded.
It sank close to shore.
I'll travel no more,
'Til Scotty can get me transported.

[Beam me up, Scotty]

I am an X-woman mutant late bloomer
which has greatly improved my wit and humour.
I am definitely not an angst-ridden teenager
and remember the first time I used a pager.
It all happened when I got my inhuman powers
from taking cold liver oil after taking a shower.
Every day I get several new powers and abilities
that include making a fresh breeze or make water freeze.
I have removed all the pollution and other damager from the earth
and have been able to transport myself to the Australian city of Perth.

A mutant whose name was Brunhilde
Was writing an ode to the tilde.
She then typed a comma
And texted her mama,
Which managed somehow to bewilder.

A singer named Gisèle MacKenzie
Drove all of her fans to a frenzy
By holding high C
'Til she broke for high tea,
And afterward did it againzie.

Solomon Foss
Was grumpy and cross.
His wife gave him trouble.
His teenagers double
Said he was old hat
And dumpy and fat.

Ignored by his boss
Was Solomon Foss
Except when he erred --
He never was spared.
Boss jumped up and down
And called him a clown.

The Grim Reaper came
And said,"It's a shame --
By no one you're missed,
By fortune unkissed.
They'll not feel the loss
Of Solomon Foss."

The priest said, "Hail Mary.
His coffin let's bury.
We'll be short and sweet,
And then let's all eat."

Come to Renee's cafe where he has a buffet
at his soiree with an exhibition of crochet.
There'll be even a display of ballet and croquet
and a reggae band led by the local padre.
There is a cheese and wine tray which tastes parfait
that has been supplied by Jose along with the sorbet.

D is for delectable
I is for Incredible
S is for sharing
C is for caring
O is for oboe
T is for tip toe
H is for home-brew
Q is for queue
U is for undo
E is for emu

The previous post was really quite clever.
I could dance in a discotheque forever.

I am ever so lonely when I don't see Tony
who lives in the town of Bree and is fit as a flea.
He lives in a marquee with the marquis called Lee
and takes afternoon tea at three with Bea the Banshee.

I wish my friend Tony would come and live with me
where we could sail the seven seas in my luxury yacht.
We would go and stop over in the French town of Chablis
and sample the town's soufflé made with fresh apricot.

Apricot souffle is delicious.
The person who bakes it is clever.
He who rejects it is malicious.
Oh, I could keep eating it forever.

Prego, says Flo and Joe going with the flow
when they are on the go at the château
working on the medieval tableau
which will be part of the Winter Show
celebrating the first fall of snow on the meadow
where everyone will dine on sloppy joes and baked potatoes.

Jacques Cousteau
said: "Go with the flow
unless you get caught by a tow-
boat heading for arctic waters
in that case you'd better start row-
ing to warmer and pleasanter shores

I have got to be free to go to Torquay
and have afternoon tea with a Banshee.
I am going on a big fashion shopping spree
with a shoppers lunch and a half a carafe of Chablis
which you must agree tastes better drunk by the sea.

You have got me stuck in this long supermarket queue
with members of the talented and favoured few.
My friends Hugh, Sue and Pru who have made a breakthrough
when waiting at the checkout to pay for their fondue
sets and ingredients to make beef and ale stew.
They have worked out how to use mildew in a shampoo
and to speak to a kangaroo in Urdu about how to dance the pas de deux.
I really do not know what to do but become my friends guru.