h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't take nonsense verse too seriously,
Or it may vanish mysteriously.





























And they lived happily ever after.

Thats good to know
Not so, the vanishing show
That beingis best
Drink some,take a rest
Thenthe other half,so

Come out with me and put the washing on the line.
Come and sit with me and ponder the meaning of life.
Come and share stories about the best furniture made from pine.
Come and tell me what is like to live in the kingdom of Fife.

Come and look out and watch my neighbour asking the oak tree
why doesn't it grow large pots of money and manuka honey.
She rants that she can't get down to Newbiggin upon the Sea
as she lives to faraway to go on her thricely weekly shopping spree.

I sat on the ground,
Legs crossed,
And played the fife
As I asked the ancient oak
Why

Why don't strawberries fall from the sky?
Why is death called the sweet by and by?
Why build sand castles just before a tsunami?
Why the rise in price for a pound of salami?

The oak thought a moment
And didn't say anything.
Trees don't talk,
And wouldn't know the answers if they did.

Brilliant poem Paul

I have bought a jar of pickles for a nickel.
I had bought a bottle of wine for a dime.
I even got a freebee of a gardening sickle
along with a bottle of lime to get rid of oven grime.

[I can always count on you for ideas when I'm casting about for something to write about, Thinker! ]

Pickles and wine, pickles and wine
Came with my true love's valentine.
How did she know I love them dearly?
I gorged on them. Now I don't see clearly.

Paul & Thinker!

Counting my blessings

I've still got both legs and two of my feet
All of my arms and most of my teeth
I've plenty of girth to keep famine at bay
And wearing my glasses I'll see out the day
My hairline is high, now it's just above collar
On hair products and shampoo I save many a dollar
I have enough money for beer and a pie
A bed with loose legs that squeak when I lie.
When England play badly I don't give a care
I save money on tickets and expensive air fare.
Is my glass half empty? I don't give a fig.
It isn't half empty it's too bloomin' big!

A bottomless glass
Quenches an undying thirst
The only thing to amass
Could be your belly, careful it dont burst?

Paul and Vestboy

I feel so ever jolly when I'm pulling my shopping trolley
or when I'm sitting down eating a bowlful of raspberry jelly.
I even feel better when I'm with my friend Molly
who's has a giant dolly that gets very smelly when she's watching the telly.

Dot has lost the plot about what happened to her sailing yacht.
Dot has lost the plot about where to put the decimal point.
Dot has lost the plot about how to tie a granny knot.
Dot has lost the plot about on how to make a mitre joint.

Dot has lost the plot about how to dance the 20's turkey trot.
Dot has lost the pot about how to fix her car's exhaust.
Dot has lost the plot about how to squat when eating hotpot.
Dot has lost the plot about how to make a toast using the word prost!

Must life be exciting all the time?
What if it's boring? Is that a crime?
I no longer climb any mountains,
Ropes or trapezes, wade in the fountains.

Drinking good coffee, smelling fine flowers,
Walking umbrella-less in April showers,
Hearing fine music on CDs or live,
That's what I need if I'm going to thrive.

Our moon grows full from left to right and the sun is in the North,
Our animals have pouches, they're seen hopping back and forth.
April here is Autumn we don't get those flowery showers,
Christmas is in the summer and the days have maxi hours.
Waitresses don't get a tip; Taxis are more like police cars.
We don't have "one-arm-bandits", but "pokies" in the bars.
We gamble lots on everything and love Black Caviar.
It won at Ascot recently, we watched it in the bar.
Our football is not one named game there's three or even four:
League, Union, soccer, AFL and other sports galore.
I heard him say "I'm a cannibal," he looked a decent bloke.
"He mean's that he's accountable: don't give yourself a stroke!".
I'm often wrong in what I hear, I heard two mend did f@rt.
They were f@rting over a woman. I thought, "That don't sound too smart."
And then the explanation came upon me like a light,
They are not saying f@rt, daft boy, they're saying that they fight.

Take me out to the football game
and I promise I'll buy you a pint at the Red Lion pub.
So all you have to do is make sure that you don't get lame
by falling out of your hot tub when you share it with a bear cub.

I love Vestboy's poems about Oz.
I love every sentence and clause.
They oft make me laugh.
I can't get enaugh.
I laugh 'til there's pain in my jaws.

Pain again
floods of tears like angry rainhathat
For in today for a hernia op
Id believe in god if the pain would stop

Cut open and poked about
Eight hours later left to scream and shout
My girlfreind is doing her best
Put me to bed with love,told rest

Worst thing no hernia found
hear a pin drop when told,no sound
months of pain and too much more today
someone made a mess of it,they pay

guys, I had a very bad at the hospital yesterday whjch left me in a hugh amount of pain

Ive got a few horrible days of healing a head

made a poor attempt of making a poem out of it

hopefully normal service will resume shortly

(I hope that you will feel better soon Wintersnight)

I am a rock inside a sock being hurled at Tilbury Docks.
I am an island that is covered in golden sand.
I am an avid follower of fashion who wears multi-coloured socks.
I an a jazz music fan who follows the North Seaton Colliery Band.

I delight when I am able to get rid of a stubborn stain.
I delight in listening to the golden sound of silence.
I delight in drinking a glass of champagne in the pouring rain.
I delight in living in opulence through using my X-Men power of clairvoyance.

I'd like a vacation on an island
In some place tropical like Thailand.
At last I would learn to smile and
Not cry 'til I said "Goodbye, land."

Come with to the shops
and I'll you a 2lbs of lamb chops.
Look around all the store's bargains
including the wholemeal organic grains.