Journal Entries
Ummm........
Posted Aug 25, 2004
Is it really 4 weeks since my last visit? 
Guess it must be.
I had a week off after my last visit here, and went to visit a friend in the Devon. We had a good time gassing away and catching up, and showing our piccies from the holiday last year. She was really good about me feeling a bit down. I didn't have to talk about what has happened with J, which was good. We did talk about it briefly eventually and that was all that was needed. It was nice to get away from it all. It was the first week I've had off work since christmas/ new year- no wondered I was feeling knackered! 
The last 3 weeks I've been sloggin' away at work, keeping the show on the road long enough to get to Bank Holiday weekend- the start of my 3 week annual holiday. I'm nearly there
. No my problems aren't any closer to a solution, but J is still in touch, if erratically. Maybe we will have that conversation- we may not be able to salvage the relationship, but perhaps there can be closure.
Alas, in my absence things have not been good for fords and EV- my heart goes out to them 
I'm thinking of you both.
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Latest reply: Aug 25, 2004
Moral cowardice
Posted Jul 23, 2004
When you do someone wrong, and you know it, do you try and make amends or apologise as soon as you can? or do you avoid doing anything, so as not face your conscience and/ or the person you have hurt?
A vexed question, that torments many of us at some point I would guess. We probably have a fair idea of what the right thing to do is, but guilt, embarrassment and fear are strong emotions and they can make people do strange things.
No J has not met me to discuss our situation, indeed the last time we spoke about our situation,last week, he admitted to finding it difficult to talk to me on the phone never mind talk to me face to face, he felt so guilty and bad about what he has done.
Yet, he called on monday for no reason- nothing important discussed just, hills, the flat taking shape. Mixed signals, Cowardice.
I could forgive him with time, but we need to talk so I know where we are now, and whether or not we can salvage and repair things. I am in limbo right now. I can't move forward, or in any direction.
He has to face up to what he has done, just as I do.
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Latest reply: Jul 23, 2004
Not Good..... very, very bad
Posted Jun 21, 2004
Bombshell last night. J wants see to someone else. He says he "will come to see me and talk about things. But not this week"
Lots of assertions that he knew he had been a *&*%@***## and that I did not deserve this after all I'd done to support and help him, and that I didn't deserve to be treated this way. He also feels he can't offer me anything..... (I told him what he had given me over the course of our relationship). Even so what will he offering this other person then? He loves me (eh?)..... Maybe he needs time....
2 weeks ago I was invited to visit the new home. we had a lovely time together. A lot of mutual love and affection, I was asked if to stay an extra night! No sign of anything wrong, a happy time, and we were getting on well.
Total logic deficit here I think.
Apparently they have been talking to each other on the phone for about 3 months. They only saw each other for the first time since their first meeting on friday. What???
A lot of pain, anger, anguish. We have to discuss this.
I don't understand 
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Jun 21, 2004
Not Good..... very, very bad
Posted Jun 21, 2004
Bombshell last night. J wants see to someone else. He says he "will come to see me and talk about things. But not this week"
Lots of assertions that he knew he had been a *&*%@***## and that I did not deserve this after all I'd done to support and help him, and that I didn't deserve to be treated this way. He also feels he can't offer me anything..... (I told him what he had given me over the course of our relationship). Even so what will he offering this other person then? He loves me (eh?)..... Maybe he needs time....
2 weeks ago I was invited to visit the new home. we had a lovely time together. A lot of mutual love and affection, I was asked if to stay an extra night! No sign of anything wrong, a happy time, and we were getting on well.
Total logic deficit here I think.
Apparently they have been talking to each other on the phone for about 3 months. They only saw each other for the first time since their first meeting on friday.
A lot of pain, anger, anguish. We have to discuss this.
I don't understand
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Jun 21, 2004
Something for the weekend.....
Posted Jun 4, 2004
What if there were no hypothetical questions?......
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Jun 4, 2004
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