Journal Entries
Totally gratuitous....
Posted May 27, 2004
...............
And why not, it's a very nice sunny day here.
Thought I'd try and post something happy (and short) for a change.
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Latest reply: May 27, 2004
Well I never.....
Posted May 19, 2004
2 weeks ago today, I got a text message..... "Just been told I've got the Manager's job in Aberdeen". Whaaaaaaa.... 
Yup, I was on the phone pronto, congratulating J on his success. Was this the big secret you couldn't tell me I enquired. Oh yes came the reply. Why the big secret??? well, after what happened last time, I would probably have ticked the no publicity option too. Due to his low battery and my lack of phone credit, it was decided that I would call later. Which I did. Straight to voicemail- "phone charging, and I bet he's in t'pub" I thought.
I got confirmation half an hour later "Hellooooooo"
. Very inebriate, but, to quote the man himself "I am drunk, but I'm not incoherent"- mind you, his logic was totally fried! He was also full of the joys, relishing the challenge and only an hour from Dundee to Aberdeen so easy for me to visit (and for him to visit me I quipped). Anyway, could I come over that weekend to celebrate? There followed a conversation that was repeated 3 times. I was a tad miffed that he'd been avoiding me, but didn't say so, I just couldn't rain on his parade. He wanted celebrate, and he wanted me to be there. So, I went. We had a good weekend together, and we enjoyed ourselves.
We aren't any further forward in some ways, but, he is wanting to see me, and wants to have some holiday time with me. It's going to be a difficult time for him for a couple of months while he gets settled in his new role, but, he's positive. He's over the moon about the flat too.
More importantly, in some ways, is the flat that comes with the job. He has a home. Something he has wanted for a long, long time. I am just so pleased that he has got the job he deserves, it's not where he wanted, but, it's a start. There is a chance he will be able to go back to the west coast in 2-3 years time, after he's shown what he's capable of.
So, there is a chance to for things be sorted out. Here's hoping.
It just goes to show, you never know what will happen next....
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Latest reply: May 19, 2004
Maybe it's me but....
Posted Apr 22, 2004
perhaps I am being unfair. 
It's just the not knowing where I stand. I have to accept what is said at face value, and hang in there. J has had a tougher time than me through all this.
Amazing what a long walk in the hills, in a gale, can do for you 
..... no I didn't bump my head when I got blown over at the cairn
- did bump my knee though.
Patience and all that.
Meanwhile, outside of my little area- two researchers whom I know have found
. Brilliant good things are still happening.
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Latest reply: Apr 22, 2004
Confused........
Posted Apr 16, 2004
I am somewhat .
As I mentioned in my last journal, my man and I have had a few problems, stemming mainly from his stress and depression. I knew it would be a long journey, and it wouldn't be easy, but I am prepared to stick with it and do what I can help and support him. Part of the problem is, he won't talk about it. He admits he has a problem, but just feels he can't talk about it to anyone, Full stop.
We saw each other 4 weeks ago, and there were mutual declarations of love and affection, and of having missed each other, in amongst tears. There was also a heartfelt apology over his thoughtless behaviour at New Year, an expression of the wish "not to have to wait 9 weeks" to see me again, and a promise to try and talk about what was upsetting him so. I promised patience, support and said I wanted to see him again too. A good start you would think. Me too...
Sadly, after initial good comms, he started to become distant- rapidly. So.... it's me calling him mostly- and he's happy to speak to me, it's me texting mostly- often with out reply 
. I have suggested times we could get together. First time there was long standing arrangement to go sailing with a friend- fair enough. Second - too busy at work he was duty manager, third time- guiding work, I need the money. See a pattern??? This time- "Oh, might be going sailing with my mate, and I want to do that if I can. You know me, any chance to go sailing. It's nothing personal". So, I asked if he still wanted so me. Yes, I do came the reply. Are you sure? I said. Oh yes, I do want to see you again he replied.
Excuse me? If our relationship is important to you why are you avoiding seeing me again?
I am more than willing to give him time, space, love and support while he sorts himself and decides what he wants to do, but this is getting silly.
I think he's taking the p*** this time. 
Or am I being unfair?
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Latest reply: Apr 16, 2004
Long time no hear........
Posted Apr 5, 2004
It's been along time, I know. A lot has happened both computer-wise (ie the poor thing fell over again)
, and personally. 
Since last summer things have not gone well. Most of it relationship related
, which, is still ongoing, some of it health related, some of it work related, and as a result I've been a bit stressed and depressed. I am coping, kind of, but it's hard going at times. Don't get me wrong some things are looking hopeful, but, right now, it looks like everything I am trying to do to improve my life is getting knocked back.
Right now, the situation is, an eye problem I had last year has reasserted itself (not unusual for it to do so I'm told), the man in my life started having stress related problems last summer, and in the new year this really started to get on top of him, and our relationship is now in limbo. I am very worried about him, I'm being as supportive as I can, but it is hard to help someone who pushes you away and is unsure what they want, and the fact that we live at opposite sides of the country isn't helpful. I saw him 3 long weeks ago for the first time in 2 months, and he did want to see me again at the end of it, but has not been forthcoming on that front. Admittedly it was a very emotional encounter at the start for both of us, and perhaps he fears a similar thing happening at our next meeting.
On the work front, I tried to move job, but unfortunately it did not succeed. There's nothing wrong with job I have, but I no longer enjoy it, and I had hoped to move the west, to be closer to my man. My employers were very understanding about me applying and were supportive. They also said they would be sorry to see me go. And consoled me when I was not successful with the statement, we would have missed you if you'd gone. So, I am appreciated.
On the plus side, I've joined a local walking club (who are a good bunch) and I've had some good walks..... but the eye problem means hourly eye drops and no walking . Aggghhhh. My friends have also been brilliant, but I can't keep leaning on them, they have enough problems of their own to deal with.
So, here I am again, not sure how I am these days, but I keep on trying. I hope I will get things sorted out, time is what it takes (and other things.... like strength, wisdom, determination, courage.... all those things I'm a wee bit short of right now).
It's nice to get back here, time for a look around.
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Apr 5, 2004
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