h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm tempted towards..."some bigger boys stole my passwords and posted without me knowing".

He's painted himself into a corner with the whole gentleman thing. Gentlemen don't tell, and if there were to be some website then he would immediately be cast out of the League of Extraordinary Gentlefibbers and replaced with Michael Jackson. If he doesn't post, then he either has to lose face over the bluff (or should that be "lie") or say that the disc was eaten by a Space Monkey. Or he had to use it to save the life of a small child. Or whatever.

There's really no good side of this for him.

Unless we never hear from him again.

He'll be there in our thoughts and memories. A legend who may or may not have existed. Like Sinbad, Achilles or MC Hammer.

Has he got 'Crotch-round-the-knees' gold trousers then?

dai.. you dog.. where's our dalmation?

i've come back to my cubby with my cress, rockett, gorgonzola,parma ham, and wild organic baby tomato ciabatta, and mint tea** to read it all with mild curiosity. only to find you've gone.



**ok ok. cheese ham and tayto sarnie and a mug of best barry's

i like your story but i'm still not convinced bout the naval battle thing.. i'm positive we did naval battles in our back garden only last week..

i'll confirm later once i've checked my diary

A check for foreign fluff in your navel would be the dead give-away, Ms Pirate-Wench.

Indeed, there aren't any easy moves left to our hero, are there? Somehow though, I expect he will appear in another 5 or 6 weeks with something grandiose to explain all.

I wonder if it's solving the insergent(sp) problem in Iraq single handed

It would have to be single-handed. He needs the other to write the next great play to deliver to Willy Shakespeare, via time machine.

Yes, his moves are indeed limited. Still, as he appears to be a tactical genius I am sure he will surprise us.

I thought it odd that when he returned after this absence, he had not brought with him some "Ripping Yarns" to astound the gullible.

Instead he took two months to cobble together that rubbish. Frankly, I was disappointed. Goebbels could have knocked that out in 20 minutes and got his facts at least reasonably correct.

Oh, by the way, we are also Jamie/Helghast. Cake says so, so it must be true. She's spot on about our hero after all.

We are now legion it seems. Though my head is getting mightily crowded.

Hey, Pirate-lady, put down that brianstem...

Reefgirl, is there anything wrong with pantaloons such as these? If you join the unspecified reserve regiment (nickname: The Billy Liars)they are part of the standard kit.

You also get a nice raspberry beret, a Mickey Mouse watch and a sword that just may have belonged to a mythical Samurai Ninja Ronin. Or maybe not.

Of course, none of these has ever been issued but the commander of this regiment clad in the finest Ethel Austin's black combat attire wants you!

"Of course, none of these has ever been issued but the commander of this regiment clad in the finest Ethel Austin's black combat attire wants you!"

He's going to have to get me VERY VERY drunk first

Pah, the Master of the Pants needs no alcohol.

"Look into my lies, look into my lies, the lies, the lies, not around the lies....you're under!"

And then you will fall under his spell and believe so many of the things he says. Even the one about his resemblance...

"Imagine captain ironfoundersson, with commander vimes' outlook, trained by the assassins guild, with vetinari's thought processes, and your home and looking for a clean towel."

Or, in the real world...

Imagine Bernard Manning with Darren Day's outlook trained by Vodafone with Walter Mitty's thought processes and you're pretty darn close.

And where is this website he promised?

And has anyone seen Dai's DALMATION anywhere?

Amazingly, I re-read he whole of Steve's DALMATION again last night. It sent me off to sleep with marvellous dreams. Anyhoo, two things struck me...

1. He seems to think he knows just who we are and can pop across to threaten some form of Sinanju at any time. He is coming, after all. And yet, he still seems clueless as to whether we are one or many. How can that be? I mean, he's have to have seperate addresses unless we are one very rich woman with addresses all over the worl-...oh no, we really ARE Celine Dion.

2. For someone so technologically advanced, he seems a bit of a duffer with the use of hootoo and the net. Unless it's all an idiotic front to catch thos embezzlers he entioned. In which case, it's method acting worthy of an Oscar. He seems a bit in the dark about what Broadband Diffusion actually is too. Anyone get the impression he is making this up? Not that he has past form for this at all..

It's another example of the huge gulf between his dreams/imaginitive ramblings and cold, hard reality.

I hope he kept the receipt for the Junior PI Badge he bought in the market.

Well for my part, I'll treat the whole silly thing as just another bad-meal-induced dream. And await the next dalmation.

Or will it be more of a 'beagle'?

My Dalmation is currently off to a place unknown doing something I can't mention for fear of contravening the official secrets act of a country I cannot mention for fear of giving something away.

Have I said too much?

On the previous point dealing with Pratchett's lot and Morporks finest, I wonder if our hero is familure with the members of the Monstous Regiment, prime examples of disguising your identity from a military point of view

You've said far too much. The Men in Black from Ronin Wolf abre Security are on their way...

Perhaps your Dalmation needs putting to sleep. Have it read Steve's Dalmation. That should see it off.

That's a great book. Perhaps our John is really a Jane. That explains everything. Apart from the Jackrumesque beergut.

oi
why would it explain everything just cos he'd be 'jane'??
you may be digging yourself a wee hole here honey..

be careful what you say.. i have people watching you

I have people watching me too...

I was speculating that he could actually be living the ultimate lie and may in fact be a woman. He's been fibbing about everything else. Imagine it...a woman posing as a man posing as a legend! It's like Mulan all over again.

Mind you I can talk...I am in fact a woman and a man. Several of them, apparently including you.

Arrrrrrrrrr

good grief (looks down at self)

so you are..

can i blame you for the extra poundage over christmas then?

excellent..
i like this. it's kind of like being schizophrenic without the voices.

You said you wouldn't mention the extra tonnage I had put on. You told me these pantaloons were no bigger. You big Alpha!

I have just thought on…are we entitled to counselling due to our multiple personalities? We could be looking at a goldmine here...

Oh just imagine the life-time disability support, the really drugs all paid by some government level or another? You/we/they may really be on to something.