h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the non-existent person, who obviously cannot thus be the son of a plumber, ALWAYS checks the cistern first *

drat!!

Shhh. I'm not here, remember? If I am, then so must Isaiah be ... And I don't see him. Or her. Or them.


*rummages around the work-bench for more ibuprofen *

here.. (opens large dirty looking mac and looks left and then right in a shifty manner)..

have some difene..

trade you for one o them socks.

and i never saw ya..

All I got are really, REALLY stripey-socks. But then, a pirate wench may find that kinda natural?

well yeah
i like the over the knee ones
but you cant get them anymore..
or garters
i find the gap between the hotpants and the top of the socks at this time of year is just too long .. blue legs are not that attractive...
are we straying a little far from the very important, grave and serious topic at hand?

I beg to differ briefly ... There is a Lady-friend in Essex with a lovely pair of stripey-socks that could nearly reach the . If they didn't cut off circulation by then. Part of a Christmas from this side of the pond.

But yes, we've strayed. What WAS the topic again?

Right, which one of me stole my sock suspenders?

I'm NOT Celine Dion

I'm not annoying and I can sing

I'm sorry Reefgirl.

Losing my sock suspenders has driven me mad with grief.

I think there is a little bit of Celine in all of us. How else do you explain the colon?

Besides, Reef, you are much cuter. That Celine can be described in any number of ways, but attractive isn't one of them.

*finishes fashioning a rappelling harness from the suspenders and leaps from the nearest cliff*

Did I mention they are severly elasticated?

You'll be back, bungee boy.

And we'll (looks around at self) be waiting.

That was taken into account. 'Coz now I can try catching wind currents in my black camo's and drift gently in .....





Okay, not such a good idea ...

You're meant to use the US Captain's bars like a pair of skis.

And don't forget to use your beer gut to cushion the blow.

Sorry, but being such a proud Canuck, I prefer to use my old Corporal chevrons. They "snow-plow" much better.

And as I never did attain the ranks of the senior NCO's, I never aquired that expected Alfred Hitchcock profile either.

Well, Colonel Blimp (as he is known at Hereford where he never EVER has to buy a round)can show you a thing or two...

He only has the Captaincy as an honourific title in recognition of his commandeering of a Rwandan frigate during the Battle of the Sahara.

I see. Kind of like the rank attached to 007 seemed more of an honorific than a serving one?

Of course, our hero being as modest as he is, I'm sure that his "00" license is only half of that of that Bond guy.

beg to differ chaps

i boarded that self same frigate.. wasn't no man of any o dem names or descriptions on board.. there was a snivelling deck boy that irritated me somewhat.
i tried to 'ack off is 'ed with me cutlass, but he was too quick for me.
up he went into the air, all hi kicks and grimace.. despite the red hair and freckles, turns out he was a ninja, low grade, but ninja nonetheless.. couldn't compete with all them fencing type moves,......... so i shot 'im

I can't be Celine Dion, I don't have a fetish for old men

"He only has the Captaincy as an honourific title in recognition of his commandeering of a Rwandan frigate during the Battle of the Sahara."

Now that is a Naval battle I'd love to have seen

Of course it would have been naval. Imagine how many "ships of the desert" were involved.