h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wonder what he'll call me, it's probably something I've been called before

Oh, not yet, dear Lady. Not until he has thoroughly investigated you. Then you'll no doubt find out that you and I are one and the same.

Ah ha

Though I have serious doubt that I'd be able to "fill-out" some of your ward-robe. Foundation aspects, specifically.

I suppose the lace might itch a bit

You're right, ... not quite manly enough for us real he-male types.

i feel privileged to be in such notorious company....

Careful, your scurvy dogness.

He's not really Canadian, you know.

When the website goes live it will all finally be proven.

And then Alpha/Jack/John/Steve/Metermaid/Martine/Wolf/Ninja/Ronin will reign supreme.

Though getting all his names on coins of the realm may prove problematic. They'd have to be the size of dinner plates.

oooooerrrrr

(looks over shoulder)

shiver me timbers

are ye all pretendin to be summat yer not then?
i'm gettin skeered now


i am a pirate wench. (shows credentials)..have M.A. in Piratology..
i hails from Dublin a fine port for pickins and frigates.. i comes from a long line of pirates.. see him at the other end. he's me cousin.., no not him, the fella next to him..


keep up the good work. keepin me from my reconciliations is a tough task, i do love my work so.. but so far you have my attention

You need to get some limes down you. All that scurvy has finally got to you.

It's really very very simple...

I am really Nick.
Nick is sometimes Serenity.
Serenity is Reefgirl on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Bank Holidays when it's raining. Or there is an "x" in the month.
Reefgirl is really Celine Dion.
Celine Dion is really Nick. His heart WILL go on…
Which brings us back to d'oh!


Jack is really Steve/Metermaid/Martina.
He is a Samurai/Ronin descendant (though his Japanese surname was really Ninja) with strong Celtic roots (actually…he is Conner McAlpha of the clan McAlpha) He is trained in Ninjitsu and fencing.
His long and illustrious career features stints in the RAF and SAS as well as a top secret and hitherto unknown Red Cross Rescue Team.
He works in a call centre. Oh and for a non-existent Security company called (imagine my shock) Ronin.
Steve is in his 40's and lives alone.

Two of the above are true.

What's a reconcilliation? Does it have anything to do with parrots and shoulders?

And a serious need for some tissue. Have you SEEN the mess a parrot can make?

Fortunately our hero's undisclosed reserve regiment has epaulettes like Beau Geste and he has a little man to vacuum them.

cilit bang gets rid of parrot poo
mind you it also gets rid of the shoulder, the parrot and everything else in it's path..

ok... i'm up to speed on the pseudoname thing.. (not)

i spoke to this alpha person on several occasions. he used to phone me up on his way home from work. (classified location)

reconcilliations are not really related to piratology, they relate to classified work that i am currently involved in.. i cant tell you more than that, cos what i do is top secret (woo this is fun. better than saying i work in an office 9 - 5 and have no life!!)

Cilit Bang work on children?

Perhaps he was investigating you for embezzlement. Too many dubloons, parrots and eyepatches in your account?
He originally joined to catch embezzlers, see. How he did this by immediately contacting over a dozen women is anyone's guess, but there you are...it's all part of His great work.

Classified eh?

Ok, let's try twenty questions...

Are you a tank?

Damn...am rubbish at this game.

drat!!!

I only know this as Nick, Serenity, Reefgirl and I have absorbed your mind. We are becoming one....

Join us.
Join us.
Worship Celine Dion.
Join us.

women are well known embezzlers..
i know of one particular woman (from my investigations under my secret pseudoname) who managed to embezzle the entire contents of her husbands sock drawer.. she very cleverly crawled in past the bed once he was asleep, (probably drugged) opened said drawer, removed sock, removed money from sock, put sock back.. spent money on expensive clothing and nobody was any the wiser until the dreadful day (usually march 10th) when he changed his socks and .. shock horror.. thousands.. thousands it were, missing..
he blamed the woman next door.. (they're now divorced)... not cos of the embezzlement, but cos of the affair..


next question

yess
yess

Have you and my wife been conspiring to steal my socks?

no no.. but if you keep your money in there.. i'd advise you. as your security advisor (real name samuari cindy) to find a new hiding place ...

(try plastic bag in the toilet cistern)