h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello My Darling Friend ,tell me about it ,getting older ,me poor Mam ,her knee is driving her up the wall. Stopping her from being her normal agile self ,they can't do anything ,she keeps on with injections ,I'm sure they don't work ,she says they do ,but still struggles to get around. I keep thinking ,'Is this what I have to look forward to?' Such joy !

I'm sure your driving licence will be fine Ham ,they do this stuff to keep us in suspense I think. My brother-in-law has being going through much the same trouble.He is diabetic ,they wanted eye tests doing before they approved his new licence, he'd only applied for his old one to be upgraded. Always something.

Fans and shower rooms ! Hmmm ,fortunately ,the fan in my shower room (technically a wet room ) is separate from the light, fitting a new light bulb in there is bad enough ,so I totally understand your confusion Ham. The thing is ,you don't fit them everyday ,it is difficult remembering how the silly things operate. Hope you got it working ok .

We got through the anniversary day ,happier than I thought actually,remembering how silly he could be did help ,a lot hahahaha .Nice memories ,nothing sad ,we got through it. Ok ,sending this now ,I woke up wanting a cup of tea,I might beable to get back to sleep now ,hopefully. You take care Ham ,speak soon. Love Pinks XXX

Great to hear, I know it's more than just a day but anniversaries just make everything more poignant. We went out to Maidenhead yesterday my old mate from my hospital days, when I was a maintenance man asked us to his retiring do. I say old mate, he's just 60, Nigel from Myrthr, he came to work with me when he was made redundant when the steel works there shut down, about 32 years ago! Since then of course I've gone off to Oxford, did all my Social Work stuff, but Nigel has done very well for himself and retired as Estate Manager for a large hospital group. There were six of us there from all that time ago, you know I hardly here from anyone from my Social Work career, the bonds you form 'on the tools' are much stronger I reckon, we haven't worked together for 28 years! Anyway 8 pints of Guinness and a lot of laughs make for a good afternoon! We went on the train if my missus hadn't come along I would have ended up in Penzance or somewhere! It was pelting down, we got back about 9:30 soaked through. Reet, quizzing tonight, one mad social whirl my life is, oh and the bird table blew over in last night's storm! No end to it! All My Love, Ham

Life certainly isn't dull in Wallingford then ? I do know what you mean about friends made in a different job Ham ,me Da always said ,you'd never find 'marras'like you found in the pit, you never found the likes of anywhere else. Pleased you had a good time .

The weather has been quite nice here all week ,I managed to get a bit of clearing up done in the garden ,still piles to do like,but at least it's a start.

My brother is off the Gibraltar next week ,a long weekend for their anniversary. I think he'll enjoy it ,I've been about four times ,my sister in law will love the shopping ,they have an M&S there ,she'll be happy.

Right ,thats about all my exciting news Ham ,hahaha the long winter nights just fly by hahaha NOT ! Have a lovely weekend ,speak soon Love Pinks XXX

Hello Sweetheart, from a very drizzly Wallingford, bliddy horrible. We might shoot off to Bournemouth on Tuesday for a couple of days, just for a change really, my sister in law called on Friday, (mind she calls every day for at least an hour!) saying that she was just back from Tynemouth, we're quite jealous, we do like the seaside, it's churlish to complain cos we're only 5 minutes away from the loveliest stretch of the Thames, but you need the salt spray! No such problem for you of course! I spent all yesterday watching sport, the Scots were very disappointing, they fell apart, (rugby I'm talking about) I had been expecting a great match, mind you the Welsh were terrific against Ireland on Friday, what's the betting the Paddy's bounce back and turn the English over next week? I'm a big fan of Irish rugby, I've played over there many times and believe me it's 200 miles an hour for 80 minutes getting knocked all over the place, they do play rough! Middlesbrough got played off the park in the cup, the Toon I've got nothing to say but the Heed are all of a sudden in the play off positions, incredible, I might get to Wembley yet, they've won 5 on the trot I think. Naa, very quiet here too, mind you the meat draw beckons, I won a load of lamb chops last week!!!! Wish me luck, Love, Ham.

Hello sweetheart, we never made it to Bournemouth, you wouldn't believe it but the builders I was moaning about, (they're mates actually, father and son I've known them years) anyway the Dad died on Sunday the day after his 68th birthday! He loved fishing in the river and he'd taken himself off, bless him and suffered a heart attack. He had a long history of heart disease, anyways it upset us that much we didn't feel like going to Bournemouth. I've had my annual assault on my Leylandii today, well made a start, the beauty of being retired you can take your time, it was such a lovely day it was a pleasure to be out there. I'll not ramble, all my love, Ham.

Awwww ,how very sad Ham ,the day after his birthday too , life gets so sad sometimes. I understand you both not wanting to go to Bournemouth ,just dampens the whole idea. You might enjoy it more when the weather gets a bit better. It's rained cats and dogs here for two days. We did have one lovely day midweek ,and I did go walking along the beach (plenty of sea spray) ,it was beautiful.

Life is much the same here Ham ,me Mam still not on top of the world ,still getting pain with her knees ,I help as much as I can. My Aunty got home from her month in Thailand ,she goes to Chaing Mai,in the mountains ,and loves it there .The weather was glorious ,of course. My brother and sister in law ,left Friday for Gibraltar. Not phoned me yet ,but I'm sure they'll enjoy it . Seems everyone is globetrotting but me It's about time ,I started adventuring I think You never know ,I might do this year.

Right pet,I'll post this now ,so you know I'm still around ,and good luck with the meat draw tomorrow. Speak soon Ham Love Pinks XXX

Pinky we're just back from a week in Bournemouth, well four days, it rained most of the time but we enjoyed it, we're not hard to please! Bournemouth itself is looking a bit tatty actually, developments everywhere but we got all over the place, you know we never moved the car all the time we were there, the buses are great and free for those of a certain age of course! Oh our builder bless him, he was all over the paper when we got back, I said he'd gone fishing, well he had won his fishing competition, landed over 50 lb of fish, got his presentation then dropped down dead on his way back to his car! What a character! I hope to get to see the heed tomorrow at Eastleigh, back down the South Coast of course by train this time, I'll go if I feel I've got the energy. One great thing about Bournemouth it's less than 2 hours drive even for me and I'm the slowest there is! We were in Swanage yesterday, I love it there despite the driving rain! It's dry in the pubs as my old granddad used to say. Sorry I didn't get to you before we went away, anyways all my love, Ham.

Talk about globetrotters hahahaha You're up there with the jet set now Ham hahaha I'm sorry I've not got back to you sooner ..Mothers Day brings the family up in force of course ,so The 'Welcome All FREE Hotel' here (my house) has been like Grand Central Station ...Now it's my birthday today ,and they're all back ! No rest for the wicked ,I tell you ,I must be bad hahahaha

I'll write more the second I get a bit of free time Ham ,just lovely knowing all is well with you down there. Love Pinks XXX

Love and best wishes, I hope you had a great day. I know this is turning into a saga but it was our late builder's funeral yesterday, we had more than a couple at the Comrades club then I managed to fall off my bike on the way home! Apparently they carried on drinking all night, there were a heck of a lot of people there thank goodness I got away late afternoon! My missus is away shopping with the girls, trotting around garden centres no doubt, my granddaughter is home from Newcastle Uni, haven't seen her yet! How times change. Oh I got my driving license back, ridiculous but they have to do it I suppose. The GP had asked to see me I was worried sick given the way things have been recently, so when I got there she said the Elderly care team had asked her to review me!!!!! You shouldn't swear at Health Professionals but sometimes it's bliddy difficult, I thought they were supposed to be rushed off their feet! Quizzing tonight, the mad social whirl of Wallingford society! Love, and belated Many Happy Returns, Ham.

Hello Ham ,thank you for your kind wishes and sending you and yours a Very Happy Easter,hope you all have a wonderful time.

I just wish the weather was a little better here ,the garden is past desperate now hahaha Everyone is fine here, well ,me Mams still struggling with that knee, just frustrating Ham.

Right ,sending this so you know I am thinking of you. Love Pinks XXX

Hello sweetheart, your mum's knee problems sound really miserable. It doesn't seem fair my missus is having similar problems, but miracle of miracles I've got her biking. She's really enjoying it and it's easier on the joints than walking. We went out to a friend's last night and after the inevitable few drinks she tipped off when we got back home, missed the kerb when she put her foot down to dismount! Nowt to do with the drink of course! I'm hacked off with my daughter she's just told us that she isn't coming around for dinner, my missus is a bit upset, she's been cooking for two days, my younger daughter and the girls are coming but there you go, my daughter is saying that she didn't know we were planning dinner which is ridiculous and hurts that bit more. What's happened is that her boyfriend's turned up for the first time in weeks and she's dropped everything to run round after him, unbelievable. Well, whinge over, the Easter meat draw beckons. All my Love, Ham.

Hello Ham ,I could try getting me Mam an exercise bike ,could work and make the pain a little easier . It's the devil and the deep blue sea ,she's not walking as much because of the pain ,consequently ,the pain gets worse. She hates taking painkillers ,well she hates taking any pills of any description to be honest, it really is a catch twenty two situation. It's the worst thing in the world seeing your Mam ,or anyone you love suffering. You feel so useless.

Yes ,I can understand you and your wife feeling upset over your daughter. It hurts more when 'normal' family traditions are just disregarded ,or all of a sudden ,they 'don't know' about it. That's the hurtful part . They don't seem to care how long you've been preparing for a happy family get together, it happens here too Ham ,you are not alone.

I'm starting to motivate myself at last ,I thought that wouldn't happen for another two years hahaha However ,guilt kicks in and I really have put my mind to some spring cleaning ,getting rid of some stuff to the charity shops etc ,and just making a list of the endless jobs I have to do ..it's a start ( I say proudly ) I've decided once the list is complete (high hopes,notice the sheer determination here please ) I will take over the dining room ,and begin painting again . That's the Christmas list sorted out ,if it comes off . Woodland scenes for everyone this year, all exclusive. I know I've been saying this and promising amazing works of art to them all for a few years now ,this year is the year. So far anyway . Watch this space.

I still go to my dancing class every Wednesday ,making friends with a few of the couples there ,lovely atmosphere and ,while learning ,I'm keeping fit Ham . An hours dancing ,it seems equivalent to a four hour work out at the gym. Exhausting ,but enjoyable.

Right ,sending this now ,and with it comes all my best wishes to you and the family. Speak soon . Love Pinks XXX

Someone up there loves me ,it actually sent hahaha Love Pinks XXX

Pinky I missed your reply goodness knows how I've even been on this site a couple of times, senility setting in I think. We've had bliddy hail here today, lots of it I had to dash out and earth my spuds up would you believe it? I've had gout for a bliddy week, well more actually but I'm just about over it now, ever since I had that stomach bleed, it's taken weeks, I reckon I've been badly run down but everything's great now. I actually walked along the towpath into Oxford yesterday, not from here mind, I get off the bus at Donnington Bridge and walk a couple of miles into town, but no sticks or anything, my knee surgery I can only say is an unqualified success, I was honestly starting to think I would never enjoy a walk again, and I was out again today walking Lola my daughter's dog about three miles, great. Yes I had a wee word with my daughter, to the effect that if she can conveniently 'forget' to come to dinner when her Mum's been cooking two days I'm not very happy with her. She's just got a nice little promotion at work, she's like head of special needs education, she needs to teach herself a few things if you ask me. I'll post this and carry on or I'll lose the darned thing, Love, Ham.

Somebody down here loves you as well by the way. So the Toon made it after putting us through agony, I'll be listening with morbid fascination to your lot and the Boro tonight, they're both coming down anyways, what is wrong with the North East? I went to watch York at Woking on Saturday, a win would have given them a real good chance of avoiding relegation, they could only draw, my foot was going mad and I wasn't happy! Your mum's suspicion of drugs is well founded if you ask me, but knee pain is awful and distressing, my missus is going through it now, mind you she's fleeing round on that bike, she's always been competitive and pedals much quicker than me, I'm one of nature's plodders. I've never been a dancer, oh except Jiving, I can still make a fool of myself at that, the Twist used to give me a stitch in my side, but who knows, one day across a crowded floor, a rather heavily built grey haired stranger might loom into view! My missus wants us to go to Jersey with her sister and brother in law but I'm not keen. Jersey's not cheap and for a week there we could have a fortnight abroad, we get on OK with my sis in law but there's no escape is there? And if you're spending a grand plus for a week you want to be doing your own thing I reckon. Oh I rang my sis up in Canada to wish my brother in law happy birthday, (he's seriously ill and we really didn't expect to see him over here again)to be regaled by the news that they're visiting us the last week in May! Lord Help Us, Love Ham.

I'm still around Pinky, Write when you feel like it. I spoke to my sis in Canada yesterday and the visit is off, it's awful really but my Brother in Law is too ill to make it, this was always the likely outcome, it's not him it's my daft sis, we couldn't believe it when they said they were coming. My missus is getting her knee sorted at last, well she has to be assessed at the Ortho hospital at the end of the month but she's fit and I can't see why it should be delayed. We're going up North in the next couple of weeks, probably early June, we'll just get a caravan at Whitley Bay or somewhere, we want to spend a decent amount of time up there, we always find ourselves dashing around with family commitments, and I'm too old for dashing up there and back in a couple of days. I went to Oxford today and discovered a new park, well new to me, Hinksey Park, massive lake and loads of wildlife, I walked into Oxford and met my missus, how I've missed this place till now I'll never know, but a really lovely spot. Anyways, All my Love, Ham.

Hello Ham ,I have not deserted you ,though what you must be thinking I dread to even surmise . The good news ,the weather has been amazing ,sunshine ,very little rain until now ,the garden is desperate. The lawn is being used by the birds as a dust bath ,and the grass ,well I've never seen it this yellow in May ,ever before. Of course ,we'll probably have the wettest summer ever Watch this space
The family news isn't good ,my Uncle ,me Mams ,last surviving brother ,has been diagnosed with cancer , they can't do anything ,me Mams ,naturally devastated ,of course. I'm beginning to understand that death is just a natural part of living ,I just hope something better does lie at the end of it all . Makes you wonder though ,humus for the soil or a magical place ,or just hell ? One things for sure none of us get out alive ,so we'll find out . Apart from that news ,everyone else is fine ,well ,unless you consider the absolute ,pure disgrace and tragic Sunderland ...lifes not worth living with Geordie across the road ,I can't even begin to explain ..I'm dreading cutting the hedge ,he'll be there in his black and white top ...he'd better look out ,I can be dangerous with a pair of shears in my hands ,very dangerous ! It's a disgrace ,but well done Newcastle ( my hand got a bit unsteady then as I typed the very name hahahaha )

I agree with you about a holiday in the Channel Isles Ham ,it is expensive. You could have a month in Blackpool ,and still get change . I hope everything goes well for your wife at the end of the month ,and well done to your daughter and her promotion. My Aunty (me Mams sister) taught special needs children, she's retired now,but still talks about the bairns she taught ,they made such a huge impact on her life.

Right ,I'd better send this ,I did write the other day and lost the message ,and you as you know I'm not renowned for my patience ,I gave up ! Sending my best wishes Ham and love always Pinks XXX

There IS a God Love Pinks XXX

Hello sweetheart, I know people dying everywhere you look, I feel like that sometimes I'm starting to feel like a ghoul I go to so many funerals! Still on the bright side I won on the meat draw, a big chicken, but missed out on the money! Actually we've had some very healthy rain over the past few days and I've chanced putting some tomatoes out. I've finally persuaded the quack to put me back on Alopurinol for my gout, and it's already much better. My kids are peeing me off, get this, my granddaughter who is at uni in Newcastle has got another tattoo, we've been helping her out occasionally, my daughter is really hysterical about it and she's blaming my missus as if we can do anything about it! It's not the last supper or the charge of the Light Brigade or anything, just one of these daft little logos that kids get these days. We don't see the problem and we've said as much but my daughter's going daft, I won't have it but my Missus tries to reason, and get's shouted at, I've said if I want to send her money I will, my daughter's threatening to stop sending her anything, bonkers. My elder daughter is stull avoiding me, she's thoroughly ashamed of herself after Easter if the truth be told she had this really swollen face a couple of weeks ago and needed to go to hospital, she posted terrible pictures of herself all over facebook, looked like the elephant man, why do people do it? anyways it was my missus who ran her all over the shop, we only see her when she wants owt! We're supposed to be going up North in a fortnight but we'll see! Love, Ham,

We're off to Whitley Bay next Saturday, bucket and spade all packed! I hope all is well with you and yours sweetheart. It's that hot here I'm looking forward to some North Easters. Looking forward to hearing from you more though, Love, Ham.