h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thankyou Ham,I've seen the photo's,now I'm only guessing here,you wouldn't be the headless one about pic no.4 would you ?? hahahhahahhaha I'm only kidding now hahahhahhaha The whole band looks good to me,and a violinist (OK,fiddler hahaha)It all looks very impressive,the club doesn't look much different either,I became quite emotional seeing the old place Ham,thankyou again xxx I will show them to me Mam ,if you don't mind ? ... I'm a live and let live sort of person Ham,if your sister enjoys Las Vegas,then good for her.Personally,I'll go to Canada with you hahahaha As I've mentioned to you before,I'm not a very sociable creature really hahahaha Mountains,meadows,vast spaces,miles from civilization,even snow,I could live with quite happily ...People,slot machines,noise and the smell of money,doesn't do it for me !!! So,when do we leave pet ? hahahhahaha ...I've had the laziest night tonight,done next to nothing,and I feel shattered hahahha It's strange don't you think ? The more I do,the more energy I can muster together,when I do sweet nothing,apart from talk to my sister on the phone for hours,I feel shattered hahahhahaha I tell ya,I'm not normal man hahahahhaha .I'm pleased you had a good day,the news of the gigs is exciting,and something for us both to look forward to,so let me know everything OK ? I'm away to answer 'our' other threads,hopefully the riff raff will all be sleeping now hahahahhahahha Speak to you soon.You take care Sub-Normal ,Blackpool xxxxxxxx

No, I'd be the neckless one with the severe beer belly pictures 12 and 13! Dig the green corduroy shirt which I bought at Pettit's on a blue cross day for a tenner reduced from fifty quid. (ask your mum if she remembers Pettits, its a marvellous old-fashioned department store, I love it.) I started serious dieting the day I saw those photos! This wasn't my band, just a folk club with a load of different acts, I was solo, sang Hank Williams 'I Can't Help It' and the old skiffle fave, 'Long Gone Lost John'. The geekiest looking bloke on there, the skinny guy with a beard, playing a ukelele on one of the photos was from Bristol, he was bloody great, and a real nice lad, his missus thought I was pretty darned good, (I told you I'm a bighead) he's coming back to Wally for the Bunkfest and we might do some stuff together. The good looking bloke playing the double bass, is family, he's my son-in-law's brother, he's a full time muso, plays for Wet Wet Wet and Sam Brown, but I must say rather boring in a folk club, pure coincidence, but he could have done me a bit of slap bass, didn't even recognise him at the time and he played at my daughter's wedding! Enough of me anyway miss, look sweetheart, of course you're sociable, you're a part of my day anyway, everyone's different. How many people could keep up this sort of dialogue? Honest I'm not trying to suck you in or anything, you could walk away today and I'd have nowt but good feeling and affection toward you, but you've been a bit of a rock to me at a difficult time and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. That's not to say you're a substitute anything, my missus has backed me up to the hilt, but you know what I mean, much as we might kid ourselves we don't do this for fun, we all get something out of it, none more than me when talking to you, and I'm grateful. Well, the sun's shining, the open road is calling, and my bike is pawing the shed door, and no doubt I'll be teling you all about it, Love, Ham.

Well,it's good to know I make your day,in my own little way Ham,and make no mistake..the feeling is quite mutual ! Loved one's are VERY important in our lives,who'd want it to be any other way ? Chit chat,and fleeting remarks makes me laugh hahahhaha But,you can't beat a bit of down to earth conversation with someone who understands where your coming from can you ? Well,thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it hahahahaha I don't need any excuses to talk to you anyway,I just enjoy it ! Today has been yet another harrassing day (are there any other sort I wonder ? hahaha) EVERYONE in the whole wide world ,it would seem,wants their Mothers Day flowers delivered at 11 am Sunday morning,GREAT !!! Now I know I'm pretty good (see,I can get bigheaded too,you are not alone here hahaha),but,what they expect and what actually happens ,remains to be seen Ham.I've told them I'LL DO MY BEST ,so thats everyone told, the same story hahahhahahhaha I just can't wait for Monday morning thats all hahahhahaha Back to some sort of normality,and nothing much to worry about until the Xmas rush hahahhahahhahahhaha Eeeee,I just wish my life away,have you noticed ? hahahhahhaha I hope you enjoyed your bike ride ! If the weather was as good down there as it was up here,you should have had a perfect day Ham !!.. I'm absolutely thrilled to bits that I know someone who knows someone,who is famous Ham,me Mam'll be over the moon hahahhaha She keeps telling me to only mix in the 'best'of company, you now what they're like ? hahahhaha Personally,I'd rather have Hank Williams's Music to Wet Wet Wet,but us mere beggars can't have it all now can we ? hahahhahaha Right,I'd better be making a move pet,it's like Caseys Court in this house hahahahaha You take care OK ? Oh and by the way,if we can't give each other a bit of a helping hand along the way,whats the point eh ? And just one more minor point Ham,I never walk away from a friend.Oh I know,I might tell it how it is now and again,I might bore you half to death Bonny Lad,but walk away ? Never !!! See you soon and I'll be back tomorrow hahahahhaha You KNEW I was gonna say that now didn't ya ? hahahhahahha xxxxxxxx

Course you don't walk away, that means you're sociable, mind I thought you might have ran away after seeing my picture, but it's all about beautiful minds on here isn't it? as in, I don't mind if you don't! Yes, had a beautiful ride yesterday when I got back from cycling, (smutty joke, smutty joke!) I rode nearly to Watlington which is a bit of a climb up the Chilterns, then decided I was too knackered to continue to Watlington and descended to Ewelme, about two and a half miles in 5 minutes, a lot quicker than riding up, I had a wander around the watercress beds. These are pretty ancient and had fell into disrepair but some volunteers have cleared it and the old cress is thriving again, I love watercress me, and of course it's a haven for wildlife, grey and yellow wagtails all over the place, saw four different kinds of butterflies at this time of year! I must take my grandkids up there for a little picnic. I tried to come back along the Thames path from Benson, but it was far too muddy, the Thames has only just receded and the path was impassable. I can imagine you reading this and thinking, lucky git, but think of all those happy mums ooing and ahhhing at their flowers! I'll be out on the lash on Mothers day, celebrating St Patricks, my girls are taking Marg out, so I suspect I won't be the only one. I got a call, 9pm last night, these academics keep funny hours, from Swindon University, or whatever they call it. They're very happy with my CV and I will be going to see the head of department, they're going to offer me some hours as a part-time tutor, probably casual to start with but I think there's every opportunity to expand, there's loads of new courses coming up and they're vocational. I'm not saying I agree to that approach to education, but it does mean that they need experienced clinical practitioners to tell students what it's all about, and I'm very excited about it to be honest. Still, that's some way off, but I'm sure I'll get some agency stuff in the meantime. Reet, 1 hr guitar practice then DIY, fixing some rotted fascia boards, it's such a lovely day it's almost a pleasure! Luv, Ham.

Thats really great news Ham,about the university I mean,even if academics DO keep odd hours hahahaha (I must be a genius then hahahahaha)It sounds very encouraging to me ! Fingers crossed X,it all turns out just how you want it too ! The ride (Ok OK it took awhile but the penny dropped in the end,hey,I'm fast me you know ? hahahhaha)sounded fabulous,I was pea green with envy !!! Actually Ham,I did watch a documentary,not long ago about the watercress beds being restored to their former glory,rightly so if you ask me.I love watercress,just bought some yesterday infact...I hope you managed to get your DIY jobs done OK ? There's a million and one things I could be doing,the weather is perfect as well,if I wasn't so busy at work !!! Watch the weather change next week when I've got more time !! Sods Law,he's my guardian angel you know hahahahhaha Ok,I'll let you concentrate on your guitar practise..I want you performing perfectly at your next gig OK ? Hopefully catch up with soon xxxx Take care pet xxxxxxxxx

Thanks sweetheart, let's hope so, it was just pure luck, I bumped into this lass who is a psychologist, she's the partner of a great old mate of mine from my days as a fitter at the hospital, he was and still is a chippy in the health service, and she's a full time tutor these days. They're both fanatical Man U supporters, go everywhere but she's a real nice lass apart from that! I always thought it curious she took up with old Mick, they met through the Man U supporters club! Get this, his first missus left him years ago, we were a hard drinking crowd in those days, and she works in that shop I was mentioning, coincidences all over the place, she eventually married the milkman and has had a long and happy marriage with two kids which was all she really wanted in the first place, so everyone's happy! For me it's unbelievable that my two very separate working lives have come together in such an odd way, when I said I was retiring, (this was at a funeral just before I packed in, I probably mentioned it,) she asked if I'd be interested in contributing to their nursing course, but as I say, there's probably a good bit more work around than that, they need maternity cover for a part time tutor soon, so I'll be in the frame for that. (Not the pregnancy, the work cover!) I spoke to that agency today, she offered me something in Chippenham, about an hour and a half away for crap money! I reminded her of my retiring salary and suggested she come back when she'd read my CV properly, cheek! I haven't given up on them quite yet, but she Emailed me today asking for contacts in my old job she could approach for work for me, I said I was quite capable of doing that myself! They're supposed to be a decent agency but I'm starting to wonder! Yes, got my bit of DIY done, took the debris up to the council dump, went to the shops to get some onions for the shepards pie, my missus won't let me cook, I'm not bad but she insists on cooking the evening meal when she comes in, honest I quite enjoy cooking, but the stock answer, which I'm sure is repeated up and down the country every day is 'you make too much mess!' Oh, I've been allowed to bake the bread. Nothing too clever, we use a breadmaking machine, and my large wholemeal with nuts is a wonder to behold. I was going to say those machines are the best thing since sliced bread, but that would be stupid, anyway we hardly ever buy bread. I don't suppose it's cheaper but it is better. That apart it's been a thouroughly exciting day. Hey you've written early, we're all out of synch now, I'll write again the morrer, I just saw your message and went on to autopilot! You have this effect on me you see, keeping an old pensioner from his bed, you ought to be ashamed! Luv ham.

No,I'm sorry Ham,I don't feel one bit ashamed at all would you believe ?? hahahhahahhaha I'm TRYing to get a couple of 'early 'nights this week ? I know,I can't believe it either and it's not working at the moment !!!...MMMMMMM,why am I not surprised about that agency I wonder ??? I don't trust them,and you know what they say ? If you want something doing,properly,do it yourself...hence your wife cooking the evening meal !!!! We're not completely daft us women you know hahahhahahhaha Pleased the DIY is done,wish mine was !!!! Life does have funny twists and turns don't you think Ham ? How people live their lives I mean,like your friends ! There's just no accounting for folk is there ? Well,apart from us I mean hahahhahaha But we're from the 'old country'hahahahhahahha We've got scruples hahahahhahhaha You take care xxxxx I'll write tomorrow.OH YES I WILL hahaahahahahhahha Night xxxxxxxxx

Well it was a barmy time, we'd never had any money till we came south and we went berserk for a while, especially me, all of a sudden I was playing Rugby playing in bands and working like hell to boot, but we were living in a tied house and that hospital estate was where we made lifelong friends, our real best mates, we go all over the place keeping up with them well that's who I'll be out with on Sunday. Young and daft hinny, but I wish I could go back for just one day!

Hey,you don't have to explain to me Ham,honestly..We struck 'gold'when we eventually moved south too...Me Dad bought me a real gold Rotary watch,I thought I was the bees knees man hahahahhaha Nobody up home had even heard of Rotary !!! It was worlds apart,but hey,we're the salt of earth us lot from the N\East,and I wouldn't change one memory from up home all the same !!There's a couple of days I'd love to re-visit too Ham xxxxWhat are you doing up anyway ? Shouldn't you be fast asleep by now ???? hahahhahaha

I'll tell you Pinky, my missus is hogging the computer, she's doing her family tree and very shy about it, the last four nights she's been up here for hours, I just fetch her the odd cup of coffee. Consequently I sit dozing, watching cricket and soccer and I'm wide awake when it's bedtime! I'd be scared stiff to look back at my family tree, but she's got into it, it will burn out soon!

Hahahahhahahhahha,I can tell you now Ham,I'd love to trace our family tree,but,after the 'scare' when my uncle did it hahahahha The Geordie lot,squandering the family fortune...I'm not interested hahahahhahahha I'll stay ignorant and in bliss hahahahhaha I only hope your wife has more success with her lot !It can take years you know ?

Bloody hell Pinky, she comes from Byker for goodness sake! She's from Byker, I'm from Lobley Hill, imagine Romeo and Juliet, with cobbles, and you'll get the idea!

Hahahahahhahahhahhahahhahaha Byker ? And how long has she been tracing her lot now ?? hahahahhahahhahha I didn't know there were that many folk in Byker ??? hahahahahhahhaha Ahhh,bless her ,you never know you know ,we'll not be laughing if we discover the family are from 'Blue Blood',we'll be bowing down forever....We should shut up while the goings good pet !!

Honest, they lived right at the side of the Ouseburn, anybody had blue blood there it was probably through swamp fever! Mind I'm one to talk, anyway sweetheart, thanks for the laughs I'm off to the four poster, I'll just ask the servant to remove the warming pan, Sleep tight, Love, Ham.

Hahahahhahahhahahhahhahhaha now make sure he does right,those warming pans can be a confounded nuisance dear chap !!! hahahhahahha Ham,you make me laugh,thats good,it makes me wonder what have done without you until now ??? xxxxxx Sweet Dreams,catch up with you tomorrow. You take care xxxxxxxxxx

Hello, just returned from a further foray into the hills, and I'm stiff as a board, I'll have to find some work soon even if it's delivering newspapers, I'm round the twist with boredom. Lovely ride though, Dorchester, Drayton St Lenard, Stadhampton, back to Wally via Warborough, it was lovely. Starting to get back into it though I'm still all of eighteen stone! Toon's on tonight, so that's me sorted. Got the quack in the morning, my blood pressure is still pretty high, I don't know, as far as fat old blokes go I'm pretty fit, (well not so much of the pretty) so no doubt it will be an increase in medication. I've never had a symptom, headache or anything and I've been on meds for about 12 years now, it makes you wonder. I had a lot of fun last night zipping between threads, I couldn't do it all the time I went to bed hyper! I'll keep it brief today sweetheart unless anything earth shattering happens between now and midnight, talk to you tomorrow, Love Ham.

Nothing earth shattering then ? hahahahha Same here,I only wish I had time to be bored Ham ,you enjoy every boring moment,believe me now,cos once your back at work,you'll be dreaming of these wonderful bike rides ! The weather was beautiful here this morning,then it rained of course,it's a lovely evening now,and quite mild !I sound like the weather girl hahahahhahahhaha I MUST stop giving these daily weather reports Ham hahahahhahha Eeeeeee,I've missed me way me you know hahahhahahhahahha....It was fun last night,and I confess,I felt a bit dizzy meself mind in the end hahahahahha Hope the 'toon' won (sort of hahahahhaha)and I hope your OK ? I'll write later Ham,just so you know what REAL boredom truly is hahahahhahhaha See you soon. Lots of Love xxxxxx

Nay, Toon got beat on the away goals rule, they were useless! I know Pinky, I just had a bit of a downer yesterday, I guess you're manic with trying to get things done and I'm ashamed of myself for moaning. Funny thing, my girls are here now as it happens, the kids have hogged the telly so I've come upstairs to listen to England's cricket match on the computer! They were saying they couldn't get flowers delivered on Sunday, they're bringing them Saturday, unless you'll do a special delivery. You wouldn't believe it, I got a call a couple of hours ago. I applied for a little handyman's job at the BBC monitoring station a few miles from here. The engineer called me and asked me to come in for an interview for a maintenance fitters job! I told him I've been off the tools for years, but he wants to see me anyway so I'm going down on Monday morning. I didn't think till I put the phone down but I'm on the razzle big time all day Sunday, interview 10am Monday! Eee it's a funny old life, I called another lad, a great mate of mine who is now the Estates manager for the hospital trust I used to work for when I was a technician. He came up from Wales and I looked after him a bit when he started, and he's done really well for himself, so he'll do me a good reference no problem, it's just a case of me remembering what a spanner looks like! I still can't believe it, all I wanted was a little messing around job, there's no bloody escape for me! At the same time I've had an Email from Swindon University inviting me up for an interview there, but I'll see what happens Monday. I don't know, I really fancied the part-time tutoring but I can't do both. The quack has upped my medication, but I've never felt better in my life really, I can't wait to get back working to be honest, I was just stressed out in my job and I can see that pretty clearly now, but I just wasn't made for doing nowt! I'm still glad as heck I got out of it, no regrets whatever there. Actually, the BBC, could lead anywhere couldn't it? I could be reading the news or anything, you never know. With my accent perhaps not! Anyway Darlin, try to preserve your beautiful sanity this weekend, and have yourself a nice G&T on Sunday evening, and try not to think of me swilling more Guinness than is good for me at London Irish! I've had a stack of Emails from my old team mates, you know, even in that company I'm the oldest by a mile. I didn't start playing rugby till I moved South in my late 20's, I'd played soccer up North, and for the first couple of years after I moved South, (I was skipper at Nettlebed!) The lads were all students, they needed a prop and I was the perfect size! I loved it, after a few games of rugby you start to need the pain! Anyway, look after yourself this weekend, Luv, Ham.

I know Ham,I saw it all on the news,the toon I mean,I'm really sorry they lost,I do support them when they're abroad or playing Southern teams !!...Well,I'm delivering flowers on Sunday Ham,I know most florists don't though,I always think it's just that bit 'extra special' to receive them on the day..I'm old fashioned..I hope your wife has a lovely Mothering Sunday anyway...God Ham,so many job offers,your in such demand,I TOLD you this would happen !!! hahahahaha Your gonna be spoilt for choice hahahhahaha I just think fate takes us by the hand sometimes and shows us the way.If you did get the job reading the news at the BBC Ham,I could be your weather girl hahahhahahha It's a bit tough about the Monday morning interview though !!!! Just tell the guy you were up ALL night,polishing your tools,that should impress him pet,keen and eager you see hahahahhahhaha I hope it all goes well Ham.I'm off for an early night hahahhahahha I KNOW I keep on saying this,and I start out with the best of intentions,pjamas on,hot mug of hot chocolate,then into bed....2 mins later...WIDE AWAKE..I can't win hahahhaha Hopefully I'll get to write a (God,I almost said quickie then hahahahaha)short note at some point over the week-end,have a good week-end Ham.Speak to you soon.Lots of Love xxxxxxxxx

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Nay, Toon got beat on the away goals rule, they were useless! I know Pinky, I just had a bit of a downer yesterday, I guess you're manic with trying to get things done and I'm ashamed of myself for moaning. Funny thing, my girls are here now as it happens, the kids have hogged the telly so I've come upstairs to listen to England's cricket match on the computer! They were saying they couldn't get flowers delivered on Sunday, they're bringing them Saturday, unless you'll do a special delivery. You wouldn't believe it, I got a call a couple of hours ago. I applied for a little handyman's job at the BBC monitoring station a few miles from here. The engineer called me and asked me to come in for an interview for a maintenance fitters job! I told him I've been off the tools for years, but he wants to see me anyway so I'm going down on Monday morning. I didn't think till I put the phone down but I'm on the razzle big time all day Sunday, interview 10am Monday! Eee it's a funny old life, I called another lad, a great mate of mine who is now the Estates manager for the hospital trust I used to work for when I was a technician. He came up from Wales and I looked after him a bit when he started, and he's done really well for himself, so he'll do me a good reference no problem, it's just a case of me remembering what a spanner looks like! I still can't believe it, all I wanted was a little messing around job, there's no bloody escape for me! At the same time I've had an Email from Swindon University inviting me up for an interview there, but I'll see what happens Monday. I don't know, I really fancied the part-time tutoring but I can't do both. The quack has upped my medication, but I've never felt better in my life really, I can't wait to get back working to be honest, I was just stressed out in my job and I can see that pretty clearly now, but I just wasn't made for doing nowt! I'm still glad as heck I got out of it, no regrets whatever there. Actually, the BBC, could lead anywhere couldn't it? I could be reading the news or anything, you never know. With my accent perhaps not! Anyway Darlin, try to preserve your beautiful sanity this weekend, and have yourself a nice G&T on Sunday evening, and try not to think of me swilling more Guinness than is good for me at London Irish! I've had a stack of Emails from my old team mates, you know, even in that company I'm the oldest by a mile. I didn't start playing rugby till I moved South in my late 20's, I'd played soccer up North, and for the first couple of years after I moved South, (I was skipper at Nettlebed!) The lads were all students, they needed a prop and I was the perfect size! I loved it, after a few games of rugby you start to need the pain! Anyway, look after yourself this weekend, Luv, Ham.

I'm away now Ham,like I said have a fabulous week-end,and I don't want to be a killjoy or anything,but remember Monday morning OK ? hahahahhaha If not,you'll forget about it hahahahahahha Speak to you soon pet xxxx Lots of Love xxxxxx