h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hahahhahhahhahha now you don't get msgs much longer than that hahahhahahhaha If you do,I want to give the sender a medal OK ? hahahhahahha See you later pet xxxx

Bloody hell Pinky, do you read a lot? You should buy flat packs like everyone else, then they just lie around for months on end till you can be bothered to put them up, but they don't take up so much room! I just had a load of expenses back, 4 months! from work, which I'd completely forgotten about, I used to drive bloody miles, (which I totally hated,) but it's a good wack, I feel like I'm back on holiday, that's me jam today! I'll take my missus out tonight for a meal. It's barmy, I've got more cash than I ever had, practically no mortgage, no debts and I still worry. Like you I suppose I'm a pretty free spender, without being daft about it really, and the thought of having to rein in is not attractive. I've never bid for anything at auction though, apart from Ebay, you must never sleep lass, you wrote me about 4 in the morning, I'm don't sleep long myself but I wish I had your dynamism, you're a tonic, I've got the gin! I might write again later, don't mind me! Your pal, Ham.

Well, here I am in between soccer matches, Blackburn were lucky as heck against Arsenal. I'm a big Barcelona fan and they're on live in the Spanish Cup, I am a sports nut, well, soccer and rugby, and I can get absorbed in cricket but I've never played the game. Another dossy day, it chucked it down here on and off all day, the Thames is spectacular. My grandson was off colour today, his dad stopped off work to look after him, we walked around to see him, he had a chocolate cookie which we took and I bought him an ice lolly off the ice cream man so I think he's on the mend! That gig is on Friday night, so I'm practising like crazy, but I had songs in the bag from my leaving do so I'll just polish them up. While I was on holiday, you lose the callouses on the end of your fingers when you don't play for a couple of weeks, and I hadn't bothered much when I got back, but I'll be like Clapton by Friday night. The club has a website, I'll let you have details after the gig if they put photos up, see if you can spot which one is me, I don't think you'll be too challenged! Right then, Barca... Barca..., I've even got their badge on my toon hat, wake up refreshed, Ham.

Hahahahhahhahha I told you I was odd Ham!! hahahahahaha I'm just a night owl thats all,and I talk a lot hahahhahahha You noticed eh ? Now truthfully,I didn't know I HAD bid for 2 6ft bookcases Ham ,until after the auction !!! thought I'd been out-bid by a funny little man sitting at the back hahahhaha Anyway,I'm stuck with them now,and believe me,I'll fill them with books,I have loads of books,I love books.I TRY to paint,(not just doors,walls and windows mind hahahha) I do art work,so I have loads of books on art...And every other subject you can think of !! From Shakespeare to Catherine Cookson.I rarely get the chance to read like,but I'm hording them ready for my retirement,one day !! Thats the theory ! I didn't realise the gig was so soon Ham ! FRIDAY ? Get practising like mad ...I'd love to see the website,and I'm pretty confident I'd know you !! Don't ask me how,I just know ! It seems it's that time of the year for the bairns to be picking up bugs Ham,sorry to hear about your grandson,he seems to have made a fast recovery anyway.You cannot beat an ice-cream off the ice-cream man,in the middle of winter to cure all ailments can ya ? hahahahhaha Hope he's OK ? ....I don't mind football,even the odd rugby match,but I just can't get into cricket whatsoever,the rules just bamboozle me Ham hahahha I know it doesn't take much to bamboozle me mind hahahhaha But cricket just gets me stumped hahahahahaha..It's blowing a gale here at the moment,no rain yet,so it could be worse ! And no doubt it will be when it's time for me to go to work !! It always is!hahahahha I hope you and your wife had a lovely meal and a pleasant night out ! It's good to have those kind of nights after a holiday..sort of edges you back into reality,slowly hahahahaha I know what I mean hahahahhaha Thankyou for your msgs xxxx Hopefully speak to you later ! Take Care Ham xxxx

Nah we stopped in,she'd already planned the evening meal and it was a lousy night, hence all the soccer. I'm a huge biblio too, spooky, I write a good bit on collective, 'what are you reading?' thread, I started a Masters in literature, I was getting on great but work got in the way. All of my colleagues on the course were doing it full time, but I finished the foundation and did the exam, but it was a bloody struggle, and Literature is there to be enjoyed I reckon, but I may go back and finish it next year. I've always read books since I was a kid, I am a terrible boorish literary snob, that and football are about the only areas I'm really self-opinionated about, anyway.... You mentioned doing flowers for funerals, it went straight over my head at the time, but we went to an old friend's funeral just before our hols, and we ordered flowers, the florist was making this display of a kiddie's car, obviously for a little 'un and we didn't ask or anything but it really moved us, you never get used to really sad stuff, and I don't think you should, but people know and it's a privelige to be there with them, even just a little bit. Yep, this gig, it's just an acoustic folk club but I'm looking forward to it, I don't know how many songs I get to do, probably not many. Have a look at their website, if only 'cos they've moved to your mum and dad's old place, (now the Portcullis Club) there's a couple of bits on there of the folkies, I don't know what they'll make of me belting out old country stuff, but we'll see. Oh, music, I'm REALLY self-opinionated about that. Tell me a little bit about your art work, is there no end to your exotic persona? Fascinated of Wallingford. (Oh, put a search on Acoustic Ballroom and you'll get their website.)

Nevermind,home cooking beats anything in a restaurant anyway ! And you know who's cooked it !! Hi Ham hahahhahhaha I KNOW,a normal-ish time for a change !!! It's a one off, so don't panic,I don't intend disrupting the life of the 'normal'people in h2g2. Well,you know,not unless I have too !!! hahahhahahha ...I'm home today,it's too cold for work I thought hahahahha.No,seriously,I needed to get some work done here at home,and get a painting finished thats getting on my nerves,slightly hahahhahaha I paint,mainly woods,trees and shrubs,woodland scenes...Places I'd LOVE to be hahahhahha Selfish ? ME ? Now what gave you that idea eh ? hahahhahaha I do have 'mad' moments,I've just finished painting a stained glass window,the kind you'd see in a church..Very odd,cos I'm not at all deeply religous..Me Mam reckons I should be, for my own good hahahhahhaha The painting I want to finish,is another woodland scene,and I thought I'd be clever and paint a fallen tree,you know ? Moss covered,rotten bark here and there..It's looking like the woodcutters just chopped it down at the moment Ham ,and I CAN'T leave it until it's right hahahhahahha For 2 years I painted nothing else but snow hahaha I won't give up on things until I can do them correctly.I have been known to throw the odd tantrum hahaha Aries,Firesign,I rest my case .... I'll definitely have a look on the website for the place of your gig,it's a small world isn't it ? What songs do you think you'll do ? I'm a LITTLE self opinionated too about books and music Ham hahahahhahha I only got English Lit to A level,but,I do have my opinions ! I'd LOVE to discuss them with you,but,I live in fear of being rebuffed by the Bronte Society,so for now,I'll keep my opinions all to myself..After all,I consider you a friend ,so I won't take you down with me OK ? hahahhahhaha I'm very faithful to my friends ! Right,I'm off to get this painting finished,once and for all ! However,I WILL return at a much more reasonable hour hahahhahhahhaha See you soon From ...Equally As Fascinated In Blackpool xxxxx

Well get on with it instead of writing to me! You know I've got to write back, ooh you're a workstopper and no mistake, I just came to run through my tunes before we venture across to Crowmarsh, going out tonight instead, to the Hungry Horse, which is just across the bridge, it's really the Bell, your mum might remember it. Painting nowt but snow! Pinky I'm starting to worry! I say going out, we'll have our bait and be back for eight at the latest! I'm doing Delia's Gone, In the Jailhouse Now, Deep Water, which is a lovely old country song that I've just learned, I Can't Help it, (a great Hank Williams song) and Long Gone lost John, none of which you'll know, mebbys Jailhouse? Great song and a crowd pleaser. Enjoy some time at home, you must be shattered! Worried, Wallingford, Mwah!

Hahahahhahhahhahhaha and your calling ME a work stopper ??? hahahahhahhahha So much for my afternoon off work then !!! The afternoons gone and all I've done is look at a painted fallen tree instead of a rotted old piece of bark hahahhahaha Enjoy your meal..Think of me...wrestling with a bit of old tree and chewing my finger nails !!! hahahhahhahhaha I love Hank Williams,I love country music,I'm impressed ..... Very Worried Cos she Can't Get her painting finished,Blackpool xxxxx I'll write again later though hahahahahahha I TOLD you you'd regret this,if you were mad before talking to me,you'll be insane within the month hahahhahahhahha Take Care xxxxxx

Never wished I was a bit of old tree before..... ENOUGH! see you later.

Hahahahahahahahaha,no need to worry Ham,it's painted,it looks OK actually.Bits of moss here and there,the bark looks like you could touch it,do you know what I mean ? Lots of texture,I like to make it look as real as possible ! Anyway,it's another painting done,I can start something else at the week-end..If I get time ! Hope you and your wife enjoyed your meal out ? Hope you made it out,infact hahahhaha The weather seems to have calmed down here,the winds dropped and a blackbird is singing in the garden as I type...I love to hear that..RIGHT,OK,I'm getting carried away again hahahhaha Have a good day,DO NOT DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO..But,if you do I want to know about it OK ? In detail ! hahahhahahaha You take care Ham..See you soon xxxx

Where are you ? It seems like we haven't spoken for 25 yrs !! I'm praying your OK and you haven't come down with a bug or anything Ham ? Thinking of you..Very Concerned,Blackpool xxx

You daft so and so! I wrote war and peace yesterday and it wouldn't post, probably the weather. Anyway, I'll try and reconstruct my missive of yesterday, I got a urgent vodaphone voicemail from a very sexy sounding lady saying she had a very interesting proposition to put to me, which of course stirred me from my customary inertia! It was only a call from a Social Work agency in Bristol, what a let down, anyway they've got something for me in Oxford, but I don't know what it is yet, I've got to speak to young Philippa(!!!!!) on Monday. I hate using agencies, I'm a lifelong Socialist, but a man's gotta do and all that, they're actually a darned good agency as far as they go, so it's promising, but I'm not sure I'm ready yet, my mind is still racing and I'm not sleeping properly, but if I can start in a months time I'm sure I'll be fine. My gig went great, well hardly a gig, two songs but I was fourth on, I know I'm a big headed so and so, but the three before me were folkies who sang to their boots, it couldn't have been better, me belting out a bit of Hank Williams got them going a bit, I went a storm and that's a fact, I can't help it, (which was the Hank song I sang!) The new steward and his missus seem like nice people, they've got a really nice concert room at the back. Oh, and another factor in my favour, there's a Geordie bloke, Tim, who lives in Wallie, and he's having the same room tomorrow for his fiftieth birthday, there's a load of Geordies in town, and there were a few found their way to the club last night, of course that got me an extra cheer, they did some videoing and photos so check that website over the next couple of weeks, I'm the grey haired bloke playing the twelve string, not my usual blue six string. Me and my son in law got well lashed afterwards, we finished up at my place drinking cider with whisky chasers, not big or clever but I did sleep well! My missus was none too happy, but as I explained to her, that's Rock and Roll! Not sure she got the message! I'm a bit inebriated, been to football, I'll try and write something more meaningful the morrer, but I'm so glad you're there, Ham.

Hahahahhahhahhaha well how did I know you'd written the whole of War and Peace yesterday if it wouldn't post eh ? We'll just blame the weather pet ! I was so worried something had happened and you didn't get to do your gig ! Now if I'd known the place was full of Geordies,I wouldn't have worried quite so much ! Just so pleased you had a great night,on stage and afterwards !!! This Rock and Roll scene can be very hard at times,you know,trying to stay sober etc etc etc My hearts bleeding for you here pet hahahahhahhaha ..I know what you mean about agencies Ham,I too am a socialist,and don't quite approve of the huge charges these places rob off people ! You can just see what they're offering,then look for something else hahahahhahhaha No,seriously now,if they've got what you want,the job,the start date,the wage.All you can do is give it a go ,there's no harm in that is there ? Right,I'm off to wrestle with some roots of a tree I'm painting,not quite right yet for my liking !But they will be soon,cos I won't stop until they are .If nothing else Ham,I'm persistent ! You noticed eh ? hahahahaha See you later Bonny Lad xxxx Take care

Pinky I don't mean to be common, but you could wrestle with my root anytime! Yes I know, I'm ashamed of myself, I'll write later. Ham.

Hi Pinky, I'm just getting ready to brave the elements to get up the club for, you've guessed it, the MEAT DRAW, the highlight of my week. It's bloody awful here, but it seems to be all over the country. Have you finished with that root yet? My sis in Canada has taken up painting and she's doing OK, selling several. My Dad was a brilliant artist without ever pushing himself hard enough. He was a draughtsman by trade, and when he went to Canada, he made prints of all the local churches, (they're Church mad over there) on copper plate and he made a good bit of money, but his oils were great, I've got portraits of my girls by him, and other things, the old Tyne Bridge, lots of stuff but as I say, he never really extended himself. I couldn't draw a blank myself, but oddly my eldest daughter is very arty, again without trying too hard! My younger daughter is learning the Saxaphone! Got another gig today next Friday, just jamming for a birthday party but it came from the slot I did last Friday which is good, anyway see you soon Ham.

Hi Pinky, sleep in this morning? I hope all is well, I'll write later, lovely day here, I've got a couple of things to deal with on the employment front then I'm off for a ride. See you later, Ham.

Actually it was windy as heck so I didn't bother, that's what happens when you've got time on your hands, you put things off. I got a call from one of my nurses, (a bloke!) offering to take me to the pictures on Tuesday, something arty on in Henley, I felt I couldn't refuse, that's me. He is a great lad actually, but going to the pictures with a bloke! My Missus is mickey taking big time, are we sitting in the back row? etc etc. Finally getting my tooth put back in tomorrow morning, a 75 minute 'procedure' which I do not look forward to one bit, but anything to restore my Adonis status. Still waiting for young Philippa from the agency to get back to me, left me an urgent message on Friday and I've called twice now, I tell you these agencies are a law unto themselves. Just waiting for my missus to come in from work, I feel a right idle so and so. I've put in for a handyman's job, (I'm a skilled tradesman, is there no end?) closing date is tomorrow and I really think I fancy that more than going back into Social Work, money's not everything. Anyway sweetheart, if you're pushed just drop me a line to say you're OK, See Ya, Ham.

Pinky, have a look at the March 07 gallery on that website, I'm the one with the most strings on his guitar and the most chins! This photo has convinced me of the need for a rigorous diet! Taken from below see? Not fair!

God,War and Peace ? I didn't know there was 3 volumes mind ?? hahahahaha I've not been sleepy or neglectful Ham,honestly..For some strange reason,the system went down last night,it was impossible for me to get in whatsoever !! Stupid technology,it really annoys me at times..OK,catch up time hahahha Here goes.War and Peace ! Eat your heart out !! hahahhahahha Thats great news,another gig,and even better news that the agency are 'not available' hahahhaha The handymans job sounds good to me.You see,you MUST have some of your Dads talent ,even if you can't even draw a blank Ham ! I got art to A level,how,I'll never know.I've taught myself more than any art teacher ever did !! It's just a lovely hobby I enjoy,unless I lose my temper with something of course..I know,sounds incredible,but,trust me now,it has been known hahahahahaha Once or Twice even hahahahaha And when I blow,I blow,the decks clear pretty quickly around here Ham,take it from me !! hahahahahahaha The weathers been pretty miserable some of the week-end up here too.You were wise not to go out on your ride Ham ! Those beautiful riding days will arrive,the sooner the better ! So,your off on date on Tuesday then ? Mmmmmmmmmm,nice for you,now if the movie gets a bit too scary for you,just grab his hand tightly OK ? I can't bare to think of you all frightened and scared hahahahahahahahahahaha And buy your own pop-corn OK ? You don't want to give out the wrong signals sharing, now do you ? I can't wait to hear about the outcome of this hahahahahahaha I waiting with baited breath here Bonny Lad hahahahahahahaha Ermmm,now what else ? Oh yes,the roots are done hahahhaha I almost tore my hair out by the roots doing them mind,but it's now finished ! Thankfully ! Thats about it,you know Ham,just work and boring Monday stuff,dealing with bank managers .the accountant and all the people I'm not keen on, even on a Friday hahahaha I'll write later.You take care OK ? See you soonxxxx

PS I'll check the site out ? Good luck at the dentists,I hate them too !!! I'll be thinking of you Adonis hahahahaha xxxx