h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hahahahhahhahhaha which novel were you thinking of Ham ? I'm all for Wuthering Heights,but hey,it's your choice hahahhaha Actually,I'm going nowhere today,no work,no shopping (well,unless I change my mind ,another pair of shoes wouldn't go amiss hahahhaha) You sleep well OK ? I'll catch you later and NO BIKE RIDES TODAY ,have a rest,do the garden instead hahahhahahhaha Your lovely to know Ham,you keep me out of mischief anyway hahahhahhahaha Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxx

More like Love on the Dole at the moment Pinky, but who'd have time for work anyway? Eeee we've got proper snow, white roof stuff, forecast says it will be gone by this afternoon! So the garden is out of the question apart from feeding the spuggies. Knocked the mudguard off my bike yesterday, I'm chopped off about that but I can fix it, I'd tried a temporary repair with No More Nails first time it happened, but when you get on the rough stuff..... I'm going to apply for another job, got the forms, haven't heard from the Beeb so I'm assuming they don't want me. So, a busy morning ahead, actually since I did my CV I can fill applications blindfold, don't know what's happened to this agency, I spoke to them last week and she offered me a totally unfeasible job about 70 miles away for crap money, I may have been a little terse! I've been hiring agency staff for the last couple of years, I know exactly what they get, I could work at Waitrose in town for £250 a week, I'd still be as well off as I was when working with my pension, I've got to keep telling myself that, I wouldn't mind doing that at all actually, but I want to keep my options open at the moment. I just got a message from my neice, (nephews wife) in Canada, my nephew is an emergeny admission to hospital with severe stomach pains, pancreaitis, (spelling!) cos he started drinking again after being told to lay off it. He's painfully thin and I'm afraid that long term his prospects aren't good. We're very close, but his alcoholism means he keeps losing jobs, despite him being very capable. that's the brute truth of it, but he's got to knock it on the head, he'd rather drink than eat which is in the nature of addiction. You know Pinky, I've worked with addicts for years, but I've never seen a more stubborn or destructive addiction than drink. We've always been a hard drinking, typically Northern family right back, drinking is what we do when we enjoy ourselves, but perhaps surprisingly, this is the first full-blown alcohol problem we've had. Anyway, I'm looking forward to a drink later! I've asked my niece to keep me posted, if I need to go over there I will. You have a great day off, shan't be venturing far today myself, speak to you later, Love, Ham.

Morning sweetheart, I've heard again from my niece and it isn't looking great for my nephew, with the best will in the world she is a bit excitable, but they've found a 'mass' around his stomach and they're going to get a sample today, just got to hope for the best. We've got Wendy, my nephew in Newcastle's ex staying, actually she's just surfacing now so I'll make her a coffee. I'm not my jovial best this morning pet, I'm sure you understand, speak to you later, Love, Ham.

Hi Ham,I take a day off work,do very little,then sleep ALL night,it's now 8:30am,and I'm still feeling shattered ! I don't understand it hahahahhaha The less I do the more tired I become !!! I think I'm very strange hahahhahhaha So God knows what you think I am hahahhahahha You had REAL snow ? It's years since I even saw real snow up here Ham,something to do with living right on the coast,the salt in the air I believe.If it does snow,it never lies....The job in Waitrose sounds OK Ham,I wonder if they need a check-out girl ? hahahahhaha Seems decent wages for a lot less stress than I have to put up with !! Something will turn up for you soon Ham,though I have to say..That agency isn't doing much to restore my faith in agencies,they're hopeless.Such a let down ! Who needs them anyway Ham ?...I was sorry to hear about your nephew Ham ! I just think people who have addictive personalities,can't stop themselves from taking things to the extreme ! We all have weaknesses,and addictions of some kind in my opinion Ham,the majority can take some control,others just can't.I only hope your nephew is fine,very soon Ham.The sad thing is when they're so far away,everyone feels helpless ! I hope it all turns out right Ham.I'm thinking of you...Well,no peace for the wicked hahahahhaI'm off to work shortly...Have a good day and I'll catch you later pet xxxxxxxx Love Pinky xxxxxxx

Thats sad news Ham ! You'll be worried sick now ! I'm truly sorry to hear that news !!! It never rains but it pours sometimes...I REALLY don't expect sweet and light in EVERY message you know pet....I'm here for a natter whenever you need me.Thinking of you Love Pinky xxxxxxxxx

Well that was spooky, we must have been writing at exactly the same time, Yep, my Nephew's only 50, nearest thing to a brother I've got so obviously I'm very worried. They emigrated to Canada shortly after they married, must be 30 years now. We were over there about 6 months ago, and he looked bloody awful then, I was yelling at him to get himself sorted, said he would then didn't. This lass we've got stopping is great fun, they're all off shopping now so I'm having a reflective moment. I'm doing an acoustic set with my band at Winchester folk festival in a couple of weeks, (12th April) and I've got an interview to 'discuss my input to the faculty' at Swindon New College next Thursday. It won't give me much work I suppose, but it's a valuable opportunity at my age, and if I do agree to take it on it will restrict me in other areas, but I really want to do it, so darn it, I will. Oh I got my tooth fitted this morning, I've eaten two crusts and an apple and it's still there! God I look handsome, I was pretty tasty before but with a full set mate...... You slept cos you run on adrenalin, when you ain't getting that rush you feel lethargic, you need stimulating gel, I'm not saying another word! Love, Ham.

Hahahahhahahahha now you tell me ! I could have got some of that stimulating gel while I was in the chemists today if I'd known Ham hahahhahaha And here's me buying blusher mousse hahahahaha I'll never learn will I ? hahahahhaha I fully understand your concerns for your nephew Ham,it's so very worrying and as I said before,even more worrying when they're so far away from everyone !I only hope the doctors over there can sort him out !It's the stress it causes everyone in the family that adds to the heartache.I hope the next phone call you receive from them is better news !...Well,I intend to agree with you on the choice of a new career,rather than just getting a 'job' that pays a wage but bores you to tears Ham!!You know what they say don't you..'a little bit of what you fancy does you good'...just go for it pet.Better doing something you know you'll enjoy than doing some mundane job you'll hate.Hence,I'm a 'poor'florist instead of a rich barrister OK ? hahahhahahhaha BUT,I enjoy my work hahahhahahhaha...We do OK us two you know,you've got a gig on the 12th of April,I'm doing a Tai Chi demonstration TWICE on the 14th hahahahha I can see one of us getting our name up in lights yet you know ! hahahhahahahha And now you've got your shiny new tooth,you'll be looking drop dead gorgeous,ready for your photo shoots hahahhahahhahaha Right,I'm off for now.Keep smiling OK,cos now you've got your new tooth,you can xxxxxx Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxx See you soon Ham xxxxxxx

Pinky, are you a black belt in Tai Chai or what? Nic eto know you can take care of yourself, I hear it's the wild west up your way sometimes! I'm not going to get any more news on my nephew for a few days, we'll have to wait, but knowing what I know I'll be surprised if it isn't liver cirrhosis, which isn't the worst thing, if you give yourself a chance the liver is pretty marvellous at repairing itself, but you've got to stop drinking first. Anyway, I'm full of busy, off to Oxford to watch some rugby and I've got a housefull, I'll try and write later. Love, Ham.

Gold Ham ! I've got my gold belt (but it's called a sash in Tai Chi) It'll be YEARS before I get the black one,but I'll keep going till I do hahahhaha Hey,have you noticed the time ? 5pm ,your making me lazy you know,I feel semi-retired hahahhahhaha Home early AGAIN today ! If this keeps on I'm going to have to sack meself hhahhahahha (WHY didn't I think of this YEARS AGO ?? hahahha) Hope you enjoyed your match..I'm off to cook tea now for the starving millions in this household hahahhaha See you later Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxx

Hello there, I just don't have any time to myself this weekend, it happens to me occasionally, I get Geordies down to stop and it's like Paddy's market in here. My Sis phoned on Friday to say she's coming from Canada in a fortnight, just for three days thank goodness, she's about as opposite to me as it's possible to be, churchy and prudish, but she'd kill for me and family is family, I always feel guilty as hell for being glad when she goes! Well, another day of hard drinking in front of me, I really can't be bothered any more and that's the truth, but it's expected! I've always been the rogue element in the family and the young'uns look to me for a party, I've made a rod for me own back hinny, I feel like I'm neglecting you you know, it's a funny thing this electronic correspondence, But I'll be a bit longer tomorrow when the beer wears off! Love you, Ham.

Hi Ham,just happy to know your Ok and having what sounds like the most perfect week-end ! Wish I was there hahahhaha It gets just as hectic here,I must look like the sort of person who loves wild mad parties or something,everyone ends up at my place...kids,dogs,cats budgies,oh,and mad people too,so I do understand Ham hahahahha Real life getting in the way of our friendship !!! It's just not on hahahhahaha I'll write later,I'm taking the whole of the local population to the park now !!!!! God,I MUST be insane hahahaha Catch you later Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello sweetheart, slightly shaky this morning and I've got to take young Wendy up to Oxford for her train in an hour. I've got an interview on Thursday at the BBC no less, that's in the morning, then up to Swindon in the afternoon to the college, my little mini-retirement is going to have to come to an end soon I'm afraid. I've done nowt but drink all weekend, it seems such a waste, I must be getting old! You know, the weather's been lousy most of the time since we came back off holiday, mind you I hated driving through the rain to Wycombe. I can honestly say that I haven't one moments regret about leaving work, I still have bloody nightmares about it, I didn't realise at the time what a state I'd got myself into, it's incredible really, and I'm probably more insightful than most, but there's no doubt I was severely stressed, I'm just glad I got out when I did. I'd decided and let everyone know more than a year beforehand, but in that kind of job you don't wind down, and the team were worse than me in letting go, bless 'em, it really has all been a bit traumatic, I'm only just getting to accept that I'm finally out of it now. You'll be tearing in to another busy week now, you little dynamo, I'm off to the dreaming spires, Love, Ham.

See what I mean ? Have you seen the time ? 3pm ! And I'm home hahahahahhahha Your gonna be busier than I could even dream of in a week or two am hahahahahaha I'll write in response to your lovely msg a bit later Ham,I'm off to get some shopping as the cupboards are bare here (That Old Mother Hubbard gets everywhere) hahahhaha See you soon Ham,Love Pinky xxxxxxxx

We're fated, I was just writing about an hour and a half ago and we had a power cut, only just came back on, I been in the greenhouse this afternoon, potting up my columbines actually, keeping out of my missus's way cos we're both ratty as hell and hung over! Watching Oxford United on telly, (now that it's on!) my family are Oxford daft, so I'll bid you good night, I'll write in the morning, Love, Ham.

Hahahahahaha well,I've not long been home from an 'unexpected'night out with friends !!! Feeling much the worse for wear at the moment Ham !!! Best if I write tomorrow too !!! Don't ever drink drinks that taste like pop OK ? Fatal !!! Hope you and your wife have got over your hangovers !! I'll be ratty tomorrow hahahahhahahha Take care Love Pinky xxxxxxxxx

Uuuurgh! Alcopops! I remember having more than a couple of Hooches when they first came out, that experience cured me for life of any possibility of an Alcopop habit! Yes, I'm back on top form this morning, would have went out on my bike but it's vile out there, it's just a thick blanket of fog, my missus drives to Henley and it's a hideous road, always accidents, I'm going to prevail on her to pack it in when I find someone willing to employ me. My nephew in Canada is still awaiting test results, so it's a bit of an anxious time, of course if I've got to skip across there I will, but the timing is bloody awful, but my guess is it's a liver problem and there'll be no need for that. So, I'm going to practise my set for an hour, hope it's brightened up a bit and do the garden, I really ought to get down and do a bit of preparation for this college interview, not sure I'll take it but professional pride dictates that I want to sound like I know what I'm talking about! All bullshine, but I'm a past master at that! I hope you're not too groggy this morning, the heady night life in Blackpool is a very seductive force, is there a Tai Chai technique for combatting hangovers? Love, Ham.

Hi Ham,there's an extremely wonderful Tai Chi cure for hangovers pet..DO NOT DRINK IN THE FIRST PLACE ,and guess what ? It works hahahhahahhaha And listen to me ? I'm a fine one to preach eh ? ...I know how you must feel about your wife having to drive in bad weather Ham,it is a worry these days even driving when conditions are perfect !!! So many idiots on the roads..Thats why I try to drive on the pavement,it's safer !!! hahahhahhaha I can't understand the weather your having down there,it's like summer up here,honestly !! ....I do hope the test results from your nephew aren't as bad as your expecting Ham.As you mentioned in an earlier post,the liver is the only organ in our bodies that can heal itself...Of course ,he'll have to stop the drink !!! Lets hope eh ? .... I do think the college job,if you do get it ,sounds ideal..You can still be in semi-retirement mode ( seems the way to go after the stressful years working in your job as a social worker Ham ) For your own personal health,it seems far better than taking on a full-time job..You'll make up your own mind,and make the right decision,when the time comes,I've no doubt at all...Life style has to count for something right ? Moneys good,we all need it,but sanity is all important !!! ( Just a little advice in readiness for your college interview..on the wall at my shop, HIDDEN from the view of customers,I have a notice,it reads..If you can't dazzle them with brilliance,fill them with bull****,hey it works for me OK ? hahahhahahha) I'm sure your brilliance will dazzle them anyway Ham,just trust me ...Ok.I'll write later.Have a good day pet..Love Pinky xxxxxx

Of course I will, (have a good day) but I can't see why you're getting the nice weather up North, thick freezing fog again this morning, I just had to scrape the ice off the car to let my missus go to work, eee I feel a lazy toad. I see the Casino debate has reared it's head again a lot of Labour MP's are unhappy about Blackpool not getting the super casino and there's a chance the bill might not get through in the voting later today. Anybody daft enough to spend time and money in a casino is welcome as far as I'm concerned, I think I said in a previous posting thast it's my idea of hell on earth. Still Pinky, if you got the flower concession, flogging roses to the high rollers, money to be made hinny! I'm going to spend a few hours doing some preparatory reading for my interview tomorrow, I've got the BBC in the morning and the college in the afternoon! The BBC job is purely caretaking really, which suits me fine. The guy who asked me in for an interview for that technicians job called me on Monday and said he thought my trade qualifications were a bit out of date! I don't know what he expected from a 60 year old tradesman, but it made me chuckle a bit! It's put me off a bit to be honest, I could have done the job standing on my head, and it really should have been obvious to him what I was about, I didn't even apply for the job and end up getting rejected! It makes you wonder if I'm just there to make the numbers up tomorrow, we'll see. The part time tutoring, it really depends what they've got in mind, they've been very good thus far, if they want me to cover sick time and holidays etc, I'll probably take my chance with them as the money is pretty good, but I do need to earn some fairly regular cash, it depends. I admire you sweetheart, I haven't got an entrepeneurial bone in my body, I don't know where to start making a few quid if I haven't got the salary coming in, but you're obviously made of sterner stuff! Are the rest of the family like you? Of course your folks were in the licensed trade, I suppose that gave you a bit of an idea, anyway, I think you're pretty smart, well, down to the text books, Love, Ham. (p.s, I'd very much like to see you in your gold belt, my brain nearly exploded with sensuality at the very thought!)

Hiya, just turning in, watched England's embarrasing display, could have been worse though! Chopped down my old apple tree today, it was rotten and had to go, it was about 10 inches in diameter where I cut it, just with an old bowsaw mind, none of your chainsaw malarkey. Actually, I had my missus pulling on a lump of rope to make sure it didn't fall on the greenhouse, (or me!) and I over corrected and it missed the garden shed, no exageration, by quarter of an inch! It weighed a good quarter of a ton and would have converted my shed to matchwood. Anyway it's just a stump now, shame, but it was an act of mercy, it was rotten in the centre. Well gel, the end of another exciting day, you know, I've never spoken to anyone but my missus and the woman in the paper shop all day, not even a phone call, still lots of excitement tomorrow. I did make a very nice loaf today, 50% wholemeal, you know, I love olive bread me, and I'm going to give that a go next. I bet you never realised I was that sophisticated, I wonder if you can make an olive stottie? I suppose you must take the stones out..... Anyway, sleep tight, Love Ham.

Now I don't mean to sound harsh anything here pet ! BUT,when your studying,it's best not to talk to anyone is it ? Did you do any studying up for the college interview I'm thinking ? Well,thats sad news about the apple tree having to go Ham,I have a very old laburnum tree in my garden,I call it my'sunshine tree',it's beautiful,(also the seeds are poisonous,you never know when you'll need them do you ? hahahha) It's on it's last legs,so to speak !! I keep thinking..'One more year',hopefully,it will last until then.I'll see how it fairs this spring ! Your wife did an excellent job with the rope,by the sound of things,magically missing the shed like that,thank God!! ...So,you didn't get that job then ? Well,what can I say Ham ? These people don't even know what they want.As I said before,their loss !! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow X Better luck finding something you REALLY want to do anyway ! Much better option Ham !..I admire people like you who can actually work with people,and for bosses Ham,a regular wage would just be a bonus for me,honestly....I have worked for people (Civil Service,Managed a hairdresseres for 3 yrs) I'm SO bossy though hahahhaha Honestly,I'm terrible,I HAVE to be in charge of everything hahhahhahhaha (Hence my family name is Bossy Boots and has been since birth hahahhaha) I have to re-organise every establishment I encounter (I've even had a go at the local Sainsburys supermarket Area Manager,not long ago hahahhahahha calling him incompetent hahahahhahha ) Well,they've stopped stocking my anchovy paste,it adds flavour to my spag bol and I wasn't happy hahahahhaha I can't help myself ,I HAVE to let them know the downfall of their ways ,eventually hahahhahahaha My brother and sister in London both have 'regular employment'.My brother is a car mechanic (he worked at the BBC Shepherds Bush for years) My sister works for an optician,and loves it.My sister and brother here in B\pool,have a fruit and veg business,then there's me!!! Bossing my way around the flower shop,it's a miracle I have any staff ever hahahhahhahahha...This is going to take you HOURS to read,so,reluctantly,I'll stop now,and tell you I'll be thinking of you tomorrow Ham.Please let me now how you got on OK ? See you soon Lots of Love from me xxxxxx Bossy Boots in B\pool hahahhaha