h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tell your Mam to get Aunt Bessies, save a lot of bother! Well, it gives us something to look forward to next season doesn't it, sorry, gives me something to look forward to! Owen's back, Reading, the jammy so and so's sneaked a win against us after being thoroughly outplayed yesterday, but that's life. Pinky, I'm up to my bloody stupid neck in it, I'm typing stuff up for handouts for Thursday, which I haven't even got time to get excited about,my first day in class, and I was on training in Milton Keynes yesterday, didn't get in till yon time. Back to Bucks tomorrow and Friday,I don't know how I get myself into these situations honest, talk about feast or flaming famine! I've got another job to start next week! I'm getting as bad as you, but unlike you I'm not a workaholic, you lap it up I bloody hate it but that's us Northeners, if there's a shilling to be earned we're after it! I'll write at length when I get a chance, Ham.

Hahahahhahhahhaha now when you use the word flaming,I KNOW your upset Ham hahahhahahha When me Dad used to say 'flaming blazes',ooooooooooooo,you could look out hahahhahahhaha Look,just calm down,take it all in your stride,and believe me,you'll be back into the swing of things before you know it pet (I TOLD you to enjoy your rest,but you wouldn't listen to me, now would ya ? hahahhaha) I'm not really a workaholic Ham,I hate work,honestly,I just feel obligated to my customers ,do you know what I mean ? I'm the least materialistic person you'll ever meet,but,somehow,like you I get involved.Before I know where I am,I'm upto my neck in it hahahahahahaha It's miraculous really.I try to live a peaceful ,quiet life,and I end up running around like a headless chicken,permanently !!!! I'll confess this much though,you've got me worried !!! I'm not looking forward to retirement ONE BIT now ! It's looking scarier by the day hahahahhahhahaha Just write when you can OK ? As long as your all fine down there,thats fine with me xxxxxxx You take care Speak soon. Much Love Pinky xxxxxx PS I CAN'T say Aunty Bessies to me Mam ,she'll think I'm swearing at her Ham and I'll end up getting a clout ! Are you trying to get me into trouble ? hahahhaha xxx

Get you into trouble at my age? Well thanks for the complement anyway! I'm dashing again, I have to be in Wycombe in an hour, just been feeding the birds, they've got so tame while I've been off, it's been a case of feed on demand! Speak Soon, Ham.

Tame ? I wish the birds in my garden were tame Ham ! They're like vultures !! As for the Koi Carp in my pond,I SWEAR they're Great Whites,in disguise !!! Like you,I'm really busy today,I will write later,just to annoy you a bit more hahahhahahha Have a lovely day Much Love Pinky xxxxx PS For the record,your always dashing to me pet hahahhaha xxx

Pinky, you're so good for my ego! Back to work yesterday, you wouldn't believe it the first thing I had to do was to do a mental health act assessment back at the place I used to be based, on a lady who was a bit distressed, observed by the chap who followed me into my team who wants to be an ASW, I should section him for that alone! Isn't life bloody peculiar sometimes? I'm just preparing, stapling together, my handouts for Swindon tonight, on top of that I have to interview a woman down in Melksham in Wiltshire, seeing as I'm in the area, about her son who is in hospital in Bucks and I'm assessing him tomorrow! And I start a new job next week. I'm not moaning so much as laughing at myself, I'm the one that should be locked up in the interests of my own health and safety! My printer went up the shoot just as I was finishing off, I had a mild panic attack, you know I need looking after gel, I really do, speak to you at the weekend, Ham.

Hahahahhahha back in the world of stress and strife eh ? Doesn't it make you feel good to be alive Ham ? hahahaha I've had a stressful week too,caught a cold(Still had to work of course !!!)I feel better now !! A case of having too !! Life certainly is peculiar Ham,your right. Looking on the positive side of course....your printer COULD have decided to pack in before you started !!! My cold COULD have been flu !!! And,in the interests of our own health and safety,when you decide to get locked up,make sure I get the cell next door OK ? Your not causing a riot anywhere without me Bonnie Lad hahahhahaha Hopefully see you over the week-end Ham ! You take care. Much Love Pinky xxxxx

Just listening to the replay of the Rockabilly programme, R2, Saturday, darned good, I love that stuff. Never got near the computer all weekend, grandkids and drinking I'm afraid. I bought an old Roy Orbison album yesterday with lots of Sun label stuff on there at a car boot, I always buy Rockabilly stuff when I see it. It's rained quite hard overnight here, the first for three weeks, my garden is parched and I need to get my flowers out but it's been too dry. I'll make a start today if it stops raining. My class went OK on Thursday, they work through the morning then come in to college for the afternoon and evening. After Biology, my stuff, (rik assessment in Alzheimrs and Schizophrenia patients) is quite stimulating, haven't had any feedback yet but I think it went well. Gosh it is gloomy here. I hope it's a bit sunnier in Blackpool, speak to you soon, I start my latest new job tomorrow! Ham.

Hi Ham,who wants to bother with the computer when you've got the grandchildren and drink ?? hahahahahha I confess,I haven't had time this week-end either ! I actually took Sunday off work ,naturally the weather changed drastically ! I had such plans too! I was going to work miracles in the garden ,and attack the shed,instead,I went out with friends for a meal,and wine,then more wine,and for good measure, a drop more !!! I've been dying all day today hahahahaha Now I'm not looking for sympathy,it was self-inflicted,but just whisper when you reply OK ? hahahahhaha The weather has been dreadful all week-end,rain,although the garden was grateful of course.I just feel so sorry for the holidaymakers getting soaked to the skin,walking along the prom with the bairns.They make huge effort to try and enjoy themselves,then the weather ruins everything ! I feel like stopping the car and telling them all to jump in and bring them home to nice cup of tea and a warm fire !!!It's such a shame !!......Pleased to hear your lecture went well last Thursday Ham,it sounds fascinating to me.I am positive you'll create enough interest to get the desired feed-back ! Don't worry xxx New job tomorrow then ? New kid on the block,again hahahahhaha I hope it all goes well Ham ,keep me posted OK ? I'm beginning to feel I have a stake in your retirement now hahahahhahahhahha I'll be thinking of you ! I do know what you mean about Rockabilly stuff Ham,it isn't easy to get a hold of anymore ! Car boots seem to be the best places these days,or,possibly America! I should imagine there's music over there we've never even heard of over here ! Well,I should leave you in peace,with your busy working life ,your not going to have time to read my essays.I'll keep them short in future OK ? Ermmmmmm,I'll try hahahhahahha You take care.Speak to you soon Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxx

Hellooo Pinky, well I'm just gearing up to go to work, it's only a 5 minute drive away! I've been used to travelling in to Bucks which did my head in, I've been a mug to be honest, I'm starting to feel like I'm riding off in to the sunset, I've always wanted to work local and just kind of take it easy, it won't bliddy work out like that, they've already told me that they don't just want me to work as a support worker with my vast experience, and honest that's all I want. Anyway, marking essays is part of what I do these days, so you'll have to watch your p's and q's young lady. Playing at Winchester with the band on Saturday, the Butchers Arms on the Saturday if you're interested! I was half dead after the last one, I'm not kidding, I had to do all the singing as my mate couldn't make it, I know I'm a silly old so and so, but when I get on that mike I'm in a world of my own, when I finished my legs had locked up, I was a complete wreck all the next day, and I'd hardly had a drink! Things still a bit fraught Pinky, but I'll be back on track soon I'm sure, speak to you soon, Ham.

Oh God NO !!! I'll have to dot my 'i's' and cross every 't' now and do you think I can remember ONE answer on my A level English paper ? Not one !!! Your making me nervous now Ham hahahhahaha You'll hear no more Geordie slang from me Sir,I mean Ham hahahhahahha.I hope your first day went well.Are you working back full-time now ? Or,fuller fuller-time,more than you've ever done before I wonder ? hahahhahaha Sods Law,retirement is like this for us lot from the N\East I believe Ham ! I can't wait hahahhahaha There's nothing I'd love more,than to walk into the Butchers Arms next Saturday and shout BOOOOO ,just as you were finishing your first song hahahhahahhahhaha WOULD I ? Bet your sweet life I would,then you'd know it was me hahahhahahha I hope you have brilliant nights both Friday and Saturday,wish I could be there.You never know,one of these days eh ? The weather is still very unsettled here,but tonight I took the dog for a walk,saw the fox (MY fox,I've claimed it hahahahha) And the smell from the May Blossom was enchanting,after the rain.I'm off to the market shortly,so I'll say bye for now,and I'll write tomorrow Ham.Hope the fraughtness sorts itself out very soon ! You take care (Thankyou for still writing to me by the way,we could be breaking records here hahahhaha) Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxx

Hello Foxy, sorry I've been frantic this weekend, yes the gig went great in the shadow of Winchester Cathedral, despite technical hitches we had the BAKERS arms jumping, (I got my trades mixed up!) young uns were taking photos and mailing their mates, and the place was heaving, I don't think they could believe what they were seeing! Anyway, I'm in full-time this week between my two jobs and I've got to go, I will write a decent missive soon, Ham.

I miss out on all of the fun !!! Your week-end sounded fantastic Ham,I was thinking about you ! I know your probably too busy to be even thinking about bike rides at the moment,BUT,I watched a programe on TV earlier,explaining of the dangers of our roads...potholes....Such a huge hazzard,mainly to bike riders Ham ! Just be aware OK ? I thought of you straight away.So many horrendous accidents happening recently,and all because local councils don't have the funds to repair roads !!! I just wanted you to know about it !! I'll be going up home next Sunday (for the wedding).I'll be gone just over a week,so don't cry and get all upset cos you'll be having so much peace and quiet without me around OK ? The bad news is....I WILL return (and guess who'll be the very first to know eh ? hahahhaha Eeeee,your clever you for a Geordie mind aren't ya ? hahahhahhaha) I'll write before I leave (go on,confess.You can't wait can you ? hahahhahaha) You take care.Thinking of you Lots of Love Pinky (BUT,I can do Foxy,if needs be OK hahahahha) xxxxxxxxxx

Wouldn't be the first time I've been over the handlebars Pinky I promise you, actually I took a tumble last time I was out and that was on a bridlepath miles away from anwhere, they decided to lay a pipeline just for me to ride into the ditch! Hey Pinky, I appreciate you worrying about me but heck woman, you're going to Sunderland! Look, tell me where you're staying and I'll provide full security cover, I'm very discreet! Look after yourself if you won't let me! Ham.

Hahahahhahahhahhahaha you cheeky monkey hahahahaha Sunderland's not THAT scary if you carry a large axe,walk with attitude,and look hard !!! I'm worried about my shopping expedition into N/castle actually Ham!! You know what those Geordies can be like when they hear a S/land accent ??? Naturally,I'll be wearing my new black trouser suit,with a pure white blouse,hahahahhahahhaha AND a hat,with a MASSIVE MAGPIE right on the top !!! Hey,I'm not as daft as look me you know !! hahahahhahahahhahaha Hope everyone is OK Ham ? The weather has been lovely here,until today,wet and quite miserable !! The garden will be happy though ! I will write as often as I can Ham,before I leave.You take care Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxx PS How discreet can you be ? Can you talk Wearside pet ? hahahahhahhaha xxx

I can talk a bit like Barry White in the right situation! You be careful in the Toon, try not to say 'mak' and 'tak', you might just bluff your way through. I'm ready for a trip up there myself now, or anywhere, I'm working full-time this week and it ain't easy. Actually I'm on my 'new' job today, which gives me an extra hour at home before setting out, I leave at quarter to nine to get there for nine, so it ain't bad, I'm home for five. I've only actually worked there for two days, and I feel like part of the furniture, which is great really. I've been in Bucks the last three days, on 'Approved' duty, which means assessing people under the Mental Health Act. I've never liked it, but I've always prided myself on doing it as gently and kindly as possible, it's frankly awful sometimes taking distressed people in to hospital, I had a bad one yesterday actually, and I broke protocol by bringing an old lady in in my car, though I had another worker with me so it's just about OK, but the alternative was to get the police and that would have distressed her no end, I'll take any flak that comes, I know it was right under the circumstances. Anyway, must get ready, enjoy our home region, Ham.

Hi Ham,personally,I wouldn't call it breaking protocol,being a decent human being springs to mind ,but,who am I eh ? I'm thrilled your enjoying being back at the job you obviously love doing !! Well,I'm about as organised as never hahahahahaha I haven't got a thing packed yet for my 'busmans' holiday !! Getting to work can be an achievement for me most days,but organising a week away Ham,is like trying to organise some strategic meeting at the Kremlin !!! So many things to do and never enough time to do them !! I wish I was there and back without the hassle to be honest !I'm leaving early tomorrow morning,(Sunday)so enjoy your peaceful week OK ? hahahahha I bet you wish I was staying up there for a few months eh ? Life's tough isn't it ??? hahahahhahhaha Have a great week,look after yourself.Keep me upto date on all events !! Missing you already Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxx PS How did you know Barry Whites voice does things for me no other human being can even get close ??? hahahahhahahhahahha Eeee,you Geordies aren't all daft are ya ? hahahahahhahahha See you next week Barry ,I mean Ham hahahahhahha xxxxxx

Well when you're back.... Hope you had a good time up there and you escaped the Toon unscathed. I'm still busy as heck, something is going to have to go, seriously, though I've got Friday off. We've got a big beer festival to play at on Sunday, good money too, but much as I enjoy it in a way the band is another job, but still, someone's got to be the eye candy! Doesn't say much for the rest of them. We're in Dorchester, the one in Oxfordshire, on Sunday afternoon if you're in the area, at the famous old Fleur de Lys pub. Eeee must fly, I'm local today which gives me an extra two hours on the day really, which is great. Speak to me soon, Ham.

Hi, hope you survived the gales, I bet you're well rested and fresh as the proverbial daisy. I'm in Buckinghamshire today, been up since 5:30 report writing, the joys of being in gainful employment! I'm going to pack it in when my agreement with them is up, but it's been useful being reminded why I left in the first place! Hope you had a great time up there, the gig was a bit of a washout, but we played great really and had a lot of our 'following' there, mainly 50 year old plus ex rugby players! Other bands get groupies! Ham.

Hello Ham,I'm home,safe and sound,not a bruise in sight ...AND I shopped till I dropped in Newcastle ( I blew the Tyne a great big kiss from you X also the Monument)I had a truly fabulous time.The wedding went exceptionally well,a great time was had by all.I can truthfully say the weather up home was very good,no gales at all !! Pleased the gig went well,sorry to hear work seems as busy as ever !! The sooner the contract runs out the better,by the sounds of things Ham !! Back to the grind for me too tomorrow...No peace for the wicked eh ? I'll be back in my 'normal' routine of writing you full blown essays everyday,soon.You take care Lots of Love Pinky xxxx I missed you x

Welcome home, actually we're off to the seaside for the weekend from Friday, 42nd wedding anniversary, and the rest of the family are away on holiday too, I hope you blew the kiss to the Gateshead side of the bridge! Work in a minute, yes I only intend to carry on for about four more months in Bucks, but of course you never know, but the money's good! Ham.