h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey Pinky, sorry about the abrupt end yesterday, I had to actually go and do some urgent work, terrible isn't it? Just took my cat to the vets, it's got some infected bites which are driving it mad, had an injection, £40 and bring it back Tuesday! Lot's of family around all weekend, still haven't sorted our hols, ain't got time, Oh Blunderland are playing as we speak, I think I'll turn the radio on and have a laugh! Speak to you Monday, Your Pal Ham.

Hi Ham ,my very bestest friend ever.Remember...He who laughs last OK ?hahahahahaha Did you hear it ? Sunderland 1 Spurs 0,like music to my ears hahahahahha We're coming ta get ya Bonny Lad hahahahhahaha Phewcastle did OK,lets be fair though Ham,I would have done well against Wanderers ,and I can't play football hahahahahha Seriously,we've done well,lets hope we keep it up ! Hope your having a great week-end ? It's lovely here,I still haven't made it to the Lakes though...Family here ! I'll write later Ham,you take care.Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxx PS I know,those vets charge like rhinos Ham.I DREAD our Gucci having to go to the vet..Hope the cats OK x

Well the Toon top of the league's not bad for starters is it? But the nice thing is they played great football, we'll have some fun when the derby matches come around. Yeah my old cat is a groggy moggie at the moment, sedated to stop it scratching it's scabs off, I can see him having withdrawal symptoms, he'll be sitting on the vet's doorstep looking for his next fix! We got him from the cat shelter about 11 years ago, and to be fair he's never ailed anything, fit as a flea so to speak, complete psycho, I'm the only one who can do anything with it, my grandkids are scared stiff of him, they've had that many bites and scratches. They're tickled pink cos they can stroke it now, it can't be bothered to have a go at them. Our little Belarussian went back home yesterday, I couldn't hang around to wait for the coach, I'm soft as muck, but apparently there were lots of tears, but I'm sure we'll be seeing him again. These things can be a bit cruel, I'm not saying we live high on the hog, but we've got a lot more than they have, Dad's an alcoholic, mum runs a shop selling just about anything to keep the family, mortality very high since the nuclear accident, he said he wasn't looking forward to going back, it breaks your heart. I gave him a guitar I won in Weymouth, it's probably the only Stratocaster in Belarussia, you never know he might make his fortune as a rock star, now that would be good! I won chicken breasts at the meat draw yesterday, oh and get this, the Steward of the Portcullis (Labour) club called yesterday to offer us a spot at a gig there in late October, in the concert room, it's a charity bash with several bands playing but I hope my lot are up for it as it's a great opportunity. Got to dash, Ham.

Hi Ham,thankyou for your msg today ! Always good to hear from you.I can't wait for the derby match pet hahahahhahaha (I'm warning you now,if Sunderland DO lose,silly thought I know,BUT JUST INCASE,you won't see me for dust Bonny Lad,not until next season anyway hahahahahahhaha...I'm no coward me,I can take it hahahahhahahha NOT !! hahahahhaha) So,your Russian visitor went back eh ? I know,I get emotional too,espiecally when you've got a good idea what the poor lads' going back too ! We'll never know how lucky we are !! To think,I moaned cos the recent rains had ruined one of my roses bushes !! SAD !!I bet he'll cherish that guitar you gave him forever Ham .......On a happier thought,you could be playing at me Dads club in October ! WOW ! Hope the others agree Ham..If not,just let me know OK? If you can play it,I can sing it hahahahha I do hope it comes off !.... Things are much the same in my life,work,work and a bit more work...then,when you think it's all done,there's always something else to do hahahahha Oh well,keeps me out of mischief !! I think ????? hahahahhaha You take care.I'll write tomorrow Ham. Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx PS Pleased to hear the cats.....high hahahaha xxx

Got to take it back to the vets for a booster in a minute, I've starved it this morning so it won't go and hide. I'm off today, it's micturating down here, blooming typical but the garden needs it I suppose. Yeah, he's a nice bloke this steward, I might join again, the fed card is handy when I go up North, but I have to say you get the very few nasty elements in Wallingford concentrated in there these days, but it may have changed for the better, I have to go in to see him this weekend so I'll check it out then. My new guitar is lovely, I've given it a good going over, it's brand new but had been hanging in a shop window for a while I guess, I've given it a good polish and waxing and it really is a classy instrument, too good for me to be honest, I just bash chords out, but you want to sound good as you can. The first one of the band to confirm is the bloke who was doing all the stirring, and without being big-headed, me and him could do an hour of good quality stuff just the two of us, we've played with each other for years, and occasionally made some music! Only joking, but I'm sure the other boys will turn up trumps, as I said the last gig was just so good. Unless you've had a big crowd going crazy it's hard to explain what it's like, I remember there was a lass there called Caroline, it was her birthday, and her mate asked us to play 'Sweet Caroline', which we didn't know, but I just belted out the chorus and the whole crowd stood arms in air singing it with me, unbelievable. Hand on heart, I'm the least conceited bloke on the planet, and for this to be happening in my dotage is pretty gratifying, if we never play another gig I can say I've done it, it was never like this when I was in my 20's, better late than never. I just love music, playing, listening, it's all the same to me, my kids are the same. Hey, got to get this Pussy sorted out, see you Ham.

Hi Ham,hope the cats on the mend now ? Otherwise that vets gonna be wanting a Kings ransom soon !!! I have to say Ham,you and your family's love of music,sounds like us lot..Me Mam was an opera singer (in her youth,she loves the classics) Me Dad,he prefered your type of music,plus Willie Nelson,Boxcar Willie,Johnny Cash,to name but a few...I love ALL music,and my bairns.I consider myself SO lucky,my son would rather listen to Bob Dylan than any of this rap,hip hop,garage whatever !!! I'm not into a lot of the modern stuff,I confess..My son playes guitar,writes music,plays in bands,lead singer mainly,like me he lives and breathes music..much more interested in writing...he enjoys every second ! He's not wanting to be a pop star either hahahahaha Thank goodness,he loves the music,and it's roots,the history more than the scene !! He's seen your guitar,the one in the photo and loves it !! Guess what he wants for Xmas ?? CHEERS ! hahahahahha.....I think to be gigging and in demand still,just goes to show how good you are !! While your enjoying it so much,why not ? Your giving people pleasure,doing so much for charity too,and having a good time doing it !!We only live once Ham,this is no rehearsal,if your happy ,then in my book..thats what life's all about ..God,I sound like some guru or something hahahahahhahaha BUT,that is my philosophy of how to get through this life we have,as happily as possible ! It can't work all of the time,just trying to make it work some of the time is a challenge worth risking I think ....God I get deep don't I ...Just ignore me hahahahhaha I won't away of course,but you'll get SOME peace hahahaha ... Well,the heavens have opened here most of the day,summer is RUSHING into winter quicker than you can say autumn !!! 132 days until Xmas hahahaahhahaha Where abouts was that e-bay guitar place by the way ??? hahahaha Right,I'd best go otherwise Xmas will have come and gone by the time you read this Bonny Lad hahahaha You take care Ham,always good just knowing your all OK ! I'll write tomorrow hahahahha OH YES I WILL hahahahaha See you soon Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yep, the cats fine, £53 in all which is better than having it put down! That old 12 string of mine is a Westone prairie series, they come up on Ebay occasionally and they're a tremendous bargain, they don't make them anymore, and there's only a discerning few know how good they are, my mate has a £500 Ovation 12 string and mine knocks heck out of his, better neck and a much better louder tone unamplified. I paid £75 on Ebay! They're acoustic but you can get a good removable pickup for about £30 these days. All of which is totally rivetting to you I'm sure. I'm in Bucks today, chained to the office but I have to go and do an assessment at 1pm, so I shouldn't be finishing late, it's kind of lonely sitting in the duty room, but I shouldn't complain. what kind of music is your lad into? I can't write my own stuff for the life of me, I've tried and it always comes out like Hank Williams, nothing wrong with that but Hank was a bit better than me! Here get this, my Grandson's middle name is Hank after the great man, who is the best popular musician who ever lived in my opinion. Reet, got to make a coffee and get this thing organised, as there's no one around to do it for me, your pal Ham.

A kings ransom would have been worth it Ham in all honesty,to save the cats life,just pleased to hear everythings Ok..Hi,thankyou for your msg today x Whats gone wrong eh ? Having to make your won coffee ? You just CAN'T get the staff these days can you ? A formal complaint to the management is in order I'd have thought ! I'll type it for you,you just sign on the dotted line OK ?........hahahaha Thankyou for the info on the guitar Ham,our Zac will be happy anyway !! At the moment,he's getting every bit of info on a country singer (Yorkshireman ,I think in origin) named James Thackary...he's dead now,(James Thackary,not our Zac YET,I'm murdering him later in the week hahahaha) how our Zac finds these people is quite beyond me,but,the guy wrote all of his own songs,some comical,some historical,some appertaining to his won life.He also loves the Travelling Wilburys..all kinds of music, plus Hank Williams of course hahahaha (love your grandsons middle name hahaha me Dad would have been thrilled to bits) ...Our Zac plays,on stage,Thin Lizzy,heavy metal,you know Iron Maiden,AC/DC etc..he also,plays at an Irish Bar on occasion (acoustic) doing The Pogues stuff,and other Irish artists and bands.Like I said,he delves,quite intensely,into the history of music (drives me mentally insane at times to be honest hahahaha)Keeps him out of mischief Ham,so I deal with it hahahaha.......The weathers been like mid November up here tonight.Not bad all day...but,the second I have to leave the house for my Tai Chi lesson,the heavens opened !!! Somebody up there dislikes me intensely I think !!! hahahahaha Oh well,what can I say ?You can't win em all can you Pet ? hahahahha I never win at all,thats my complaint hahahahhaha Right,I'm away,flowers to sort at the market,just what you need on a wet and windy morning eh ? hahahahhaha I'll write tomorrow.You take care. Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Not wanting to be a smartbottom, but I think you'll find it's Jake Thackery that Zak's looking at, he was incredible, used to sing these daft little songs that he wrote himself, the one that springs to mind is 'Oh Sister Josephine' about a bloke dressed up as a nun who lived in a convent, nice work if you can get it. He was a tasty guitar player, used to play a little Spanish guitar to accompany himself, very quirky and hard to label, a complete one off, still has a devoted following though he died some years ago, I remember reading his obit I think. And he did have a pronounced Northern accent, but probably went down best with sophisticated night club audiences in the 60's and 70's. If Zak likes him he might also be interested in Paddy Roberts, a long forgotten singer pianist who worked in a similar vein a bit earlier, late 50's and 60's, but his work is still available, 'Ballad of Bethnal Green' is probably his most famous song, 'I tell the tale of a jealous male, and a maid of sweet sixteen, She was blonde and dumb and she lived with her mum, in a place called Bethnal Green......' You get the flavour? See you, off to work, Ham.

Ham,my sincere apologies to you,our Zac,and mainly to JAKE Thackary..... You were quite right to correct me (our Zac reckons ,as I type,Jake is writing a song now,the inspiration of which he had never encountered on earth,cos he hadn't met MY MOTHER ,cheeky monkey,but he said I had to tell you that !!)...Personally,I don't find it remotely funny hahahahhahaha OK,funnyish then hahahahaha He also wants to thankyou for the information about Paddy Roberts (HOPE I've got his name right ? hahahaha) Research will commence ,immediately !!! Oh,the summer nights just fly by in this house you know hahahahhahahahha Thanks Ham,I'm grateful xxxx Thankyou for your msg today,always great to hear from you,goes without saying of course !.....Well,the car got through it's MOT today,I'm STILL recovering from the shock hahahaha Normally,it costs a fortune !! Must be the driver hahahahhaha My brother and his wife,(the one who lives in Shepherds Bush) phoned me earlier,they've arrived safely in Cyprus.40C ,do I care ??? Am I jealous ??? In a word YES hahahhahaha 'Wish you were here',they said 'Not as much as I do',I replied hahahahhaha OK,I'm away Ham.I'll write tomorrow,you take care.Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxx

Jealous, I'll make you jealous, we've finally booked up for Zakynthos, well we went there for our Silver wedding, first time we'd been able to afford a package holiday, (honest) so we've been back a couple of times but not for some years. It's got a bit of a reputation, but it's lovely, we hope we've booked somewhere a way out of town and quiet, but I can 'grab a granny' with the best of them, it's a fun place and we'll have a great time. Got my granddaughters staying tonight, having a picnic tomorrow, taking my mother in law to the Castle Gardens with the kids. I love picnics me, on my deathbed my biggest regret will be that I didn't have enough picnics, mind you the weather forecast isn't great. I'm writing having had a few drinks, and feeling a bit sentimental, and feeling rather well-disposed toward a certain someone, your pal, Ham.

OK,OK I confess,I'm pea-green with envy !! BUT,having said that I would like some credit please....ZAKinthos(ZAKynthos,whichever way they spell it) mentioning my son to you MUST have sparked a fond memory !! hahahaha I hope you and your wife have a fabulous holiday Ham.....I TRULY hope the weather is fantastic,the place you've chosen is ideal,and I wish you were back already hahahahhahahaha It's the truth,I'd be telling lies if I said anything else !!I miss you when your gone.......Picnics ! Picnics are my FAVOURITE days out of all....Even if we just go to the beach ('OUR' part of the beach,where it's JUST TOO FAR for the holidaymakers to venture too hahahaha) I love picnics.Hope the weather is good for you all....Thats not the forecast for up here,persistent rain,all week-end,I might just begin a new painting I think ! I'll see,all depends on if I'm being invaded by 'The Tribe' or not.....The heavens have opened here Ham,as I type,,such a shame,I've got wedding flowers to arrange in a church later ,seems so sad..the effort (and money) they spend on weddings today ? Right,better get a move on...time waits for no man,as for me ,well the least said about me and time-keeping the better hahahaha ...I'll write later (OR not as the case maybe hahahaha I have no idea who Sunderland are playing YET ,or Phewcastle either ???hahahahahahaha We'll win man,I'm not worried hahahaha)Have a great day Ham ,take care Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Ham,I'm waiting......I KNOW now who Sunderland were playing !!! Fine,no problem,I'm not upset,concerned,or even tearing my hair out by the roots.....Why not ?? Well,I have a theory..WE (Sunderland) are hiding out talents from Newcastle.WE REFUSE to allow you to see our full skill !!! We allow silly little teams to thrash the living daylights out of us,in the knowledge,that when derby day arrives...You'll be overwhelmed,beaten,thrashed even by our hidden talents !!!!! Hope you had a lovely day for your picnic ! Hope you'll be VERY gentle with me when you do arrive ,cos remember this ...Newcastle didn't score either !!! hahahahahahhaha No,honestly,it's fine.you say what you like,I can take it...I NEVER cry in public pet MUCH !!! hahahahahahhahaha See you,as late as you want Ham hahahahahaha Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Thinking of you x

Zak, yes a bit subliminal. Yeah the Black Cats got licked all right, but their first two performances were pretty draining on any team, I wouldn't worry about this, it's just a bit of a backlash, psychologically they would have been anticipating an easier game but that's not the way it is in the Premiership these days, it hurts to say it but I'm pretty sure they'll stay up without too much trouble. Hey gel, nearly time to get off to the meat draw, I'm just sitting in the little bedroom, (and computer room) had a bit of a pluck on my new guitar, it looks like Durham have won the 50 over cup, it's marvellous really, from nowhere to providing several of the current England test team and winning the premier limited overs competition, and Pinky, there's no rivalry, I was born in County Durham as were you, we can celebrate together, all together now 'Oh me lads, ye should've seen us gannin........' See you, Ham. (Oh, and Newcastle Falcons won the Middlesex Sevens yesterday too, now come on, you can support them!)

OK then,I'll support them (only because your from Durham mind !)I was thrilled to see County Durham winning the overs cup.Apparently Ham,they've produced some of the best players over the years !For England I mean ...Oh well,enough of this sports talk,I'm not in a sporting mood this week hahahahhaha I think it was Bill Shankley that said'Football is not a religion....it's MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT ' hahahahhaha You know Ham,I think he must have had some North Eastern blood in him ,but don't quote me OK ? hahahahhaha You didn't mention the picnic ? Did it happen I wonder ? If the weather was anything like up here Ham ,it was one of the most unseasonal days so far this month.Todays no better ! Hope you all had a good time whatever you did....Just heard Man City has beaten Man Utd 1-0 (there IS a God hahahahaha)......I haven't starting a new painting,I haven't cleared out the shed,BUT,our Gucci is very happy,she's had her walk hahahahahahaha Thats the only positive thing I've done today !!! Should make a move,I suppose,my day off only lasts a day Ham !! Something should be done about it !!!.......... Hope you did well in the meat draw ? Hope your having a great week-end.I'll write later.You take care Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

No picnic, lost in the meat draw, but got our hols to look forward too, and with the best will in the world, my ma-in-law's return home. I've hit the three week barrier now, and it's getting tough, tough I tell you. I can only play so many games of crib, and move so many 'People's Friend's' also Mill's and Boons all over the shop. I could tell her she's possibly past the finishing line in her search for romance, but that would be cruel. Went to see Phil, the Steward at the Portcullis on Saturday, really nice bloke who seems to have the place running nicely, he's doing all the spadework for this band evening, and he bought me a beer! Got to rush, off to Cholsey, not far but it's 10 to! See you, Ham.

Hi Ham,thankyou for your msg,sorry your week-end sounded as mundane as mine..but,like you said,you have got a a fabulous holiday to look forward too,and I've got London.Well,we all can't have it all can we ? It's just that some gets more than others thats all,sun I mean,heat and sunshine !!! My cousin has flown out to Turkey too her holiday home there today,facing 40C,in the shade ! My brother phoned me Mam today from Cyprus,only 36C ,I mean it's not right is it ?? All that way for only 36C ! I told me Mam,my hearts bleeding here for them !!! They shouldn't have bothered going ,I'd have gone for them hahahahhahaha POOR SOULS !! Then you'll be jetting off to a hot climate....I'm just gonna hibernate me hahahahhahahha .....So,your mother-in-laws holiday is coming to an end eh ? Hope she enjoyed every minute ! I'm sure she has.I bet she's sad when it is time for her to go back up home Bless ! ........Pleased to hear the Portcullis,is alive and well,in the adept hands of Phil.Sounds like a decent bloke Ham !(Espiecally when he bought you a beer as well eh ? hahahhaha We're liking him already hahahahha) Good of him to be organising your band evening ,mind you,it'll be a feather in his cap when it's a successful night of course !First of many I hope ! Everythings fine and dandy up here at the moment..Me Mam still rings me 92 times a day,so she's OK ! hahahhahaha I actually did a food shop,(HUGE) after work,not quite the same as shoe shopping ,and NEVER as essential of course ,but,the cupboards are no longer bare hahahahhaha For a few days !!! Until the vultures come scavenging !!! Right,flowers to buy,wholesalers to barter with,no peace for the extremely wicked !!! I'm away.....I will,of course,return later (Put that handkerchief away this minute ,you know I hate to see a grown man cry hahahahaha) You take care.Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pinky, I was out cruising yesterday, to Reading on a trip boat down the Thames from Wallingford, with my missus and ma in Law, who needs P&O? Actually it was tremendously relaxing despite the weather, saw a Kingfisher, Heron, all kinds of things, the Thames is really wild once you're away from towns. Yeah Cyprus, hottest place we've ever been, I hate driving abroad, but I remember hiring a car just so we could get up the Troodos mountains to cool off! 104 degrees in old money in Nicosia, I remember crawling into some bushes seeking shade and there was a bloke on his prayermat! t does get hot there, I'm hoping it will be a bit cooler on Zante, it's usually past its worst in September. Working in Bucks today, but tomorrow I have to take some clients down to Muddeford on a day trip, it's a hard life! Speak to you soon, Ham.

Cruising down the Thames eh ? By,how the other half live eh ? hahahaha Sounds fantastic Ham,so pleased you all had such a lovely day,even if the weather could have been better ! I haven't seen a kingfisher yet this year (I have high hopes for the week-end though,the Lakes are beckoning) We do get quite a few herons around here,I live not far from a park,two large ponds there,lots of fish.I have to protect my pond in the garden continually,from the heron invasion ! I do know what you mean though,once your away from the towns,the Thames does seem to take on a different persona completely ! Much more of how you could imagine it's original state must have been,many moons ago! I'm talking before London was even thought of here hahahaha ! Nothing quite so exciting as cruise to discuss from my end Ham..I went to Tai Chi,always calming for me ,well,as calm as I'm ever gonna get ,lets put it that way hahahaha The weather has been very hot today ,YES,VERY HOT hahahahaha Unusual I know,naturally,it won't last !! England lost to Germany !! End of story !! And my hearts bleeding for you having to go to Muddeford tomorrow on a day trip ! How bad can life get eh ? hahahahahha Have a good day ! I'll write tomorrow.You take care OK ? Lots of Love Pinky xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well Pinky, everything went crazy, well everybody, or it seemed that way. I was working till 9pm and frankly I'm cream crackered, too old for it these days. Off to Henley to join the Muddeford party in a few minutes, I'm that wound up from yesterday my mind's somewhere else at the moment. Not sure I fancy travelling all day, I did well over a hundred miles yeterday getting a poor young man who was far from well into hospital, I hope I'm in better fettle next time I talk to you, you pal Ham.