h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, I killed him. And I’m glad, I tell you. Glad, glad, glad!
~throws a knife at walter and runs from the room screaming~

~runs back into the room~

and it wasn't a STAKE walter you twit! it was a STEAK!

~turns and runs out again laughing~

Walter looks helplessly on as Maria rushes away, little does she know and little does she seemingly care what fate may have in store for her. Shakes his head ruefully, thinks about doing a couple of puns on chop, cuts, etc, but decides situation too grave and anyway can't think of anything funny.

Maria, what time is it where you are? Is it dark, or getting dark? He is going to be abroad, looking to kick seven bells out of YOU and DD. Trust me on this, JOIN UP TO THE PROKOFIEV'S PLIGHT CAMPAIGN, and I will protect you from his mindbogglingly AWESOME revenge. Act quickly!!!

Walter.

*wakes up from death*

hmm?

what's going on?

has maria gon insane?

how delightful.

*hits MoC over the head with a very heavy cast iron frying pan, with an egg in it*
Die!!!!

wrong thread for that!

wait,
was that suppose to kill me?

that just gave me a knot on the head.

Ugh. That was Walter's attempt at murder. You smile to see me MoC? You think I've joined your army or gone insane or both (the latter would explain the former) but I have done neither. That's why I paid the big shaved headed man standing behind you to slip that nice pointy knife between your ribs and into your heart. It may have hurt a bit, but that can't be helped. Odd how little a wound like that bleeds (externally, anyway. On the inside, your sorry black heart is pumping blood into your thoracic cavity as fast as it can). You look white as sheet as your legs collapse under you. By the by Walter, the worst thing I encountered last night was a slightly flatulent chihuahua.

Oh wait! That is'nt Walter with the frying pan! It's EV! When last I saw you, you were smooching with that bondage woman and running up my bar tab.

~ steps over MoC, now in a puddle of slightly congealed blood.~

Nice frying pan! Too bad about the egg, but don't soak it.

~ pokes MoC in the side with a stick ~

the worst thing you can do to a nice iron frying pan is to soak it.

Thanks for the advice. I won't soak it then. Do you think it's dishwasher safe?
I don't think it's killed him, just made him angrier.

OH NO! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER put a nice iron frying pan into a dishwasher.
~pokes MoC again with her stick~
You'll just have to use some steel wool and a bit of elbow grease.

Maria,

How can I make you understand? Until you sign up to the Prokofiev's Plight campaign, my force will be insufficient to protect you from the MASTER. You see he has already recovered from two deaths. Only we Wizards of Oz know the secrets to snuffing out his life FOR EVER AND EVER.

MASTER OF CHAOS - I see you perspire, wet your dry, nervous lips, still your trembling limbs. It is all for naught. This is an ultimatum. Agree to sign up for the Prokofiev's Plight campaign or else!! As the smallest sample of what we have ins tore for you, you will be chained to a chair and FORCED to watch a TWO HOUR Rolf Harris special. If you think that is malevolent, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING. Help save Sergei Prokofiev and save yourself: this is your last chance.

Walter.

whatever

Master,

Does 'whatever' mean you have signed up for Prokofiev, or that you are heaping contempt and scorn upon my threats? Or do you wish to remain inscrutable?

Walter.

whichever

maria hows the little car comeing along?good i hope.pink might be a good color for it too.with a white intierior?why waste your time on soom bloodsucker when you have such a nice air sucker?

a pink porsche? mebbe real pale pink like the mary kay cadillacs? sounds tempting but for the fact that i was hoping to get married and trade cars with the husband (who would then have to deal with the porsche mechanics who are now asking me out). i think most guys would be adverse to driving a pink car no matter how fast it goes.

oh. and i dont listen to music much and piano music less.

excuse me!

BUT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE KILLING ME HERE!

I'll Kill you!! You kidnapped Norbert my garden gnome you #*(%"@$!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!

*Shoves 14, 3 week old pilchards down MOC's throat into his lungs causing him to suffocate on rotting fish*

Bwahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!! DIE!