h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nothing wrong with being a virgin - even the govt says so...

(jotd: the government campaign for virginity was in tatters today, after members of the Labour party admitted to having sex, and even enjoying it)

the whole reason of PVC is given the choice we'd (yes i am not alone) prefer not to be.

I'm back, and I'm armed with a squeezy bottle of dark chocolate syrup.

Typical; Jamie's buggered off again...

Mein Gott, you get distracted by something else, and the party gets boring.
*lifts up dirndl*
Emily dear, squirt some of that chocolate here so the virgins can lick it off.
How many people are tied down in here?

only Mr. Tumnus - as soon as I finish tieing his hands behind his back...

*fiddles a bit*

There we are - perfect...

*turns on razor*

You'll be wanting something to lubricate that razor, won't you?

*Squirts chocolate syrup all over Mr. Tumnus, and then the Fraulein*

*Proceeds to tie down Ed*

No, no, no - the chocolate will gunge up the razor...

*proceeds to relick Mr. Tumnus' legs clean again*
*tries hard to resist the temptation to start licking further up*
*fails*

*controls herself*
*starts shaving Mr. Tumnum*

You don't mind do you? Good - didn't think you would...

*kisses him on the forehead*
*carries on shaving*

Now be careful, that chocolate sauce might get into any razor burn or cuts and be incredibly painful. Unless that's what he wants...

Good point... I'd better stop and make sure I licked off every last spec...

umm - I meant "speck"...

*starts licking*

Bitte, meinen Freunden--SOMEONE LICK THE CHOC OFF ME!!!! Aaaaaaaaah...
*Sighs of satisfaction*

But I'm busy...

And I need to go to bed now...

*turns off razor*
*gives a quick lick to Mr. Tumnus' now clean-shaven left leg*

Don't go anywhere...

Nighty-night, don't let the bedbugs bite. Unless, of course, that's what blows your skirt up.

Good Bob! You've found something to dissuade me from this forum!

Making it so fast-paced that by the time I get to the front of the backlog I've run out of time!

[exits. The as-yet-unnamed "Her" YK referred to in his first post will be in the other "Naughtybits" forum]

I'm not a fan of being bitten by bugs... other things though...

As much as I am enjoying this, I'd appreciate being untied, my fur is very dear to me. Also your making a very pleasurable mess and the chocolate sauce is getting salty.