h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I reckon it would have taken me about half an hour to write all that!

An entire 1/2 hour?!? Well then...there's something else for you to do this Summer...PRACTICE TYPING!!!

lol! Normally because I go back or I sit there thinking what to write. I am a fast typer don't get me wrong! Normally it's because people are begging for attention on ICQ or MSN so I slow down!

Poooooooooor thing!!!

Pandora, no I'm definitely NOT sorry I asked, loved the shark story, I'm surprised you survived and I'm not talking about the sharks! I want to hear more of your "incidents".
I have "nearly incidents" - things that might be something but turn out not to be. You live on the edge. It is interesting, but I wouldn't like to live through some of the things you mention.

I've never been diving. I love swimming and I've been snorkelling. That was in the Red Sea and the fish were beautiful.

You can't crave dull! I have dull - write books, I wish! Don't tell anyone, and that goes for you too Katsy, if you're reading this, but I earn my living *looks round to make sure no one else is listening*
being an accountant. So now you know. I'm a bean counter -but only part time. What's worse I actually enjoy where I work now, but I try NEVER to do more than two days in a row! Oh and I can't type, I do take ages to write but I've found out how to do it offline and paste it in now.

Wow, snorkelling in the Red Sea, must be a real experience! At this moment in time it's something I can only dream about!

Pandora, maybe this is a first step for our band: we now have our own user page on http://www.h2g2.com/U147760 . Take note 3 different people could be posting under that name so if you're not sure if it is me then I have to tell you under this name that it's me!

Snorkeling is wonderful! I usually end up drinking the water I
use the mask & snorkle to dive for cucka in the bottom of my pool
The Red Sea does sound lovely!!! And don't poo-poo accountants! As an independent contractor *looks around...mental health professional*
If it wern't for my CPA...I don't EVEN want to think what might happen! AHHHHHHH!!!!! The first time I took 'Jim' my receipts, I dumped them onto his desk from a brown paper bag! He laughed & asked where my receipts REALLY were? I pointed to the pile! HA! He had me go out & buy him a 12 pack of beer!!! LOL!!! I now neatly file them in seperate envelopes for him, all labeled. There's always one labeled:
Grasping For Straws!!!
It's hard to believe you have a dull life! And why not write books? Do
you know there's now a device called a 'voice pilot'? You attach it to your 'puter & speak as it types! 'IT' can even SPELL!!! I haven't found one for my Mac yet...but I'm looking!

What's that you have at the bottom of your pool? Is this something I really will regret asking?

I'm glad you had your receipts. I wish some people I work with had receipts. Even in paper bags. I am thinking of heading my next reminder to them about receipts "Grasping at straws", or perhaps "A whistle in the wind". Might get them to read it. It will have to be when the boss is away .

Voice pilot sounds good. I haven't even got the speakers for this PC on. They came without a cable, I used the electric kettle cable for a while but got tired of microwaved coffee.

It's mainly a dull life, but has exciting moments - like sawing through the upstairs radiator pipe when setting up this PC. That was fun!

Heh heh I got another new e-mail address: [email protected]

LOL!!! Cucka is Hungarian for sh__! HA! It's sticks & things that get into the pool that the bottom drain cannot suck out that I use the gear for!

I'm still learning how to use Mac. I don't know how to 'cut & paste' yet! Sheesh! But I have such a great time meeting people here, like you...& yes you too Katsy! And the thing I use most of all is the Champion Directory Phone Site! I need full addresses on my clients, You wouln't believe how many people don't know their Zip Code!?! So I just look it up in the virtual phone book. What a help! Too bad computers wern't around when I was in grade school & so forth! I still remember being surprised that someone was 'bold' enough to bring a calculator to math class! (I'm 43, or 42...how's that for being simple minded? I forget my B.D. every so often, but I usually know my age!)
12-9-56...whatever that works out to be. Guess that proves that I haven't had enough sleep for several days! The graveyard shift is really hard for me. It's un-natural to sleep during the day. I guess I'll have to 'get in touch' with my nocturnal side

Yes Katsy, you're very clever! Now, let's see you find a way to become frinds with the boys in the band. They ARE people, you know

Here's an 'incident report' on the serial killer who pushed his way into ny cabin: Did your newpapers cover the story of the 'Train Killer'? The Mexican fellow who went by different name EACH time he was arrested? Alvereze I beleive is who he ended up being. He jumped into the boxcars as the trains slowed at various places around the US.
He started from Mexico...an illegal, who was sent back three times & arrested more times than I know. Instead of just being a hobo, he killed at least 6 & possibly two others. He would hop off a train in a remote area & enter a house & after killing the men & beating the women he would rape he women before stabbing them to death. He was odd about it too. As are they all...he never 'took' a wepon with him, he'd just find somehing of 'theirs' to kill them with. It was mid to late June when he found his way here. Ours is the first new home South of the railroad tracks. It was about 9am.
My hubby was 'sound asleep' upstairs. (in this cabin you can hear nada! the big round logs make the place fairly sound proof & we have ionizers in each bedroom...that's right Pan & Bear don't sleep in the same bed, room or floor!) The tap of the door knocker made me jump. I didn't hear a car & I have a big sign by the side of my door that reads:* NO SOLICITATION OF ANY TYPE---THIS INCLUDE, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO BIBLE THUMPERS* So, it's rare not to know when company is coming.
I looked out the peep hole & saw a man holding a small black dog that was shaking. Instead of getting the pistol, which I ALWAYS (normally)
do...I opened the door right up. He asked if this were my dog or did I know who owned it? As I started to say no, I saw the look in his eyes
had changed! He shoved the door open, with my hand on the knob, trying to push it closed. Before I knew what was happening, he was in the cabin &
Belle (my blue doberman still small-about 50lbs/now twice that) had jumped on the fellow's chest so hard, it knocked him out the door & onto the porch! She then proceeded to maul him. This was odd for her, as she always liked people & would greet everyone with a "hi-ooo-ooh-
rub my butt-yeah-yeah-hi" sort of greating.

At that time I had a rescue dog. A wonderful Golden Retreiver who refused to retreive more than once...twice she did 'walk' to retreive a thrown toy four times in a row! Guess she figured she brought it to you once...if you're going to keep throwing the thing, you may as well go get it yourself
She was to have been a drug dog for the State Highway Patrol. 'Cassie'
had no trouble finding the drugs, she just wouldn't retreive them. She
would EAT them! LOL! Twice she was taken to the Vet. because she'd eaten cocaine!!! So they gave her to me! She had the ability to tell when someone was going to be ill. The news paper in the next town did a front page piece on Cassie & myself. She actually killed herself by ingesting strong narcotics I had for pain for my muscle disease. I
didn't know that she'd eaten as many as she had until it was too late.
I did blame myself, but with her backround...

I was so surprised by the whole thing I still hadn't taken the gun out of the drawer! (I sleep in the hammock in the woods with a gun-so I don't know why I never thought to take it out!?!) When I stepped onto the porch, the criminal was in the fetal position under the porch swing. His hands covered his face & neck. Belle chewed his hands bloody! Cassie stepped out the door, looked over & had the look of... yep, looks like she's got things under control. HA! Belle would not take a command! And I was unable to pull her off him. I started to get her leash-so I could control her. Just then dear, sweet Cassie turned
into a Kodeack Bear! (SP?) Snarling, curling her lips back, etc. in 9 years I'd never seen this side of my favotie fur ball!
I called for Cassie to STAY. She did. Right in the middle of the steps
off the front porch. Getting out of an old orange panel van was a huge blonde guy, with very long hair. I guess he figured he could always get himself another pal, but maybe not another throat...he backed around into the drivers seat. Leaving his buddy to the dog(s).

After several minutes of carnage, Belle ungawahded...(the word Tarzan uses: ungawah, my call word for her to stop. The fellow picked up his dog & ran to the van! I called after him, (what an ass I am) "Hey, thanks for stopping by, dog food's expensive, be sure to tell all your friends!

I washed the blood off the porch, saw all the deep marks in the pine floor where Belle had dug her back toes in! I kept being worried that I was going to be sued for a vicious dog! Silly isn't it? Friends kept reminding me that he forced his way in. I had 'road rash' (nearly bloody) arm from the force of the door scrapping my arm. In July I heard of the '1st' survivor of the 'train killer'. She was one State over from me & had survived his attack. They didn't think it was the same man because she said he had scars all over his hands. I'd never reported it. I know that seems odd. But the time before, when there was a prowler, it was three days later when the Sheriff arrived. Three of them. They all wanted to see the inside of the cabin & whilst I tried to tell them about shooting into the ground near a man in the middle of the night, behind my chimmeny!!! they just kept saying how nice the cabin was! After that I felt as though I'd get a quicker reaction from a note to Dear Abby! When I finally called about the 'incident' a detecdtive was out here within 40 minutes. Seems when I mentioned the man's tatoo, I got their attention! The only other report of the tatoo was from the woman who managed to escape! I then proceeded to catch a bit of Hell- for washing away DNA evidence...and not reporting it in a timely fashion! BITE ME! I
felt bad for the woman who was attacked...but I was thinking the guy set me up to try & sue my house out from underneath me! And Who wants blood on their porch? So, I actually did tell him to "bite me." What?

The poor murderer couldn't go anyplace now...John Walsh put this fellow's picture ALL over America's Most Wanted on TV & included the fact that he had scars all over his hands. There was no place for him to go, so when he becam very hungrey---he turned himself in. He's been convicited one one murder & faces the death penelty. I guess if that sticks, they may not chage him with the other murders, as you can only kill a chap once! Why waste the time & $$ when one good confession is on paper? So, that's the worst, so far, since I've been out in the sticks.

I'm quiet good at scaring the hair off a man's head! I have a ground lenth black cape, with a deep purple satin linning that I go about in
the dark to chase men & boys off! One punk has cut up magnolia trees
with a knife & hacked at my purple plum hedges...there were 40 I think last count twelve were still alive. It use to be drunks in pick up trucks in the begining but I shouted & shot the gun several times, sort of lay in wait, as it were & scared them off. Then there are the hunters. Signs on every tree (almost). And they will argue with you! There's wild turkey, deer, fox, weasels, racoon, & much more. I've even caught a man in our garage! My Husband's sitting RIGHT there
eating lunch & the dog barks. I put her in jail (the back hallway), got my gun & flung open the door. *chuckles at the rememberace of the look on his face!* He was around the backside of the garage's half bath, looking at what was on the table- we keep dog & cat food in large containers, as well as Cds, a CD player, etc.! I told my hubby what was going on & he says,"looks like you're handlen' it okay, I'm right here if you need me." (thanks an awful lot dearie-but it WAS fun*wicked laugh*) I flung open the door (Belle was barking like a mad dog by now), I yelled,"What the Hell do you think you're doing there?!?" The man actually jumped several inches off the floor
He tried to stammer out something about "selling frozen meat door to door." LOL!!! I backed him out of the open garage door...we haven't built a door yet!!! I was saying things like:"Do I look like I want to buy frozen meat off your truck? didn't you know that we are vegetarians...???
tell EVERYBODY you know!" He kept backing up & saying "yes mamm" alot.
I was DRUNK WITH POWER! *Evil laugh* I can't believe the guy was scoping out the place in broad daylight & us with peep holes everywhere! Good greif! We now have security cameras with blinking red lights! What a way to have to live! At least in the country it's leagal to shoot a gun! Sorry to waste your time with that story, but I've been wanting to tell someone about it, as it did make me a touch afraid in my own home! But I'm over that now. Plus I even take the pistol when I go for a swim. I don't have to point the gun directly at a man to make him go away, just holding it seems to be enough Hope your eyes arn't too strained. I've had ten hours sleep in the past four days. My friend Keli just told me to stop whatever it is I'm doing, via phone, and get my tired butt into bed!
She said I sound exahusted. So, even though I feel alreight, I would do well to take the advice of a friend. G-Nite then~Pan

What do you mean, get to know the boys in the band?

I've just converted my space into HTML and it's all colourful! Tell me what ya think (sorry to those who view in alabaster as there's some yellow font and it's hard to see!)

*Stunned silence*
That is definitely something I wouldn't want to live through.
When you've had some sleep - did they get the second man?

When I first got my own home I was worried about getting nervous on my own. You have to feel safe in your own place, so far I always have here. I'm a coward about confrontation and aggression but sometimes, taken by surprise, I get angry instead. Which is much easier to deal with afterwards for me. I'm not talking about the sort of thing that happened to you, its usually other drivers who put my life at risk! I can get really furious with them!

It seems to me you give as good as you get Pandora, and more! Thankyou for telling, did it make a difference, writing it out?

Your Cassie had more intelligence than many humans I think. I've been waiting to hear of a dog rebel against all that "fetch" business. I saw a TV programme, some time ago, about dogs knowing things. Like people being ill or, in one case, finding a lost child - not a child the dog knew or that it had been given the scent of and asked to find. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio.........."

BTW I thought that's what cucka might be, just checking and you're 43 shortly to be 44. I know because I'll get there 12 days before you . Or 11, given that my mother doesn't know which side of midnight I arrived. Obviously had her mind on other things at the time.

Katsy,
I took a look at your page to see the colours, hope you don't mind. Very colourful! You need one of those "view in classic goo" links. Saw your eclipse links which I'd like to go back and follow up. I went to France to see the eclipse - now I want to see more.

Wazungu, thanks for listening...yes it really did 'help' to tell about it! They haven't mentioned the other man...so I guess I'll need to speak with the FBI about it!

Cassie AWAYS made everyone laugh...toss a toy & watch her walking along...nice & slow...made me feel pretty stupid! I was Blessed to have a Red Doberman (two in a row-but the 1st...wow) Rusty. He was so smart I ran out of things to teach him! With just a glance & eye movement, on my part---he'd flip the bird at a person! Oh I had fun with him! It was because of Rusty I came back from the Virgin Islands! His heart was breaking without me! He met with a tragic end (what else). Even today, 20 years later, when people in the Village speak of Rusty, they get a tear in their eye! I've had two REALLY amazing dogs!!! Belle is a knuckle head! She turns four this month (23rd) same as my last dobe 'Jake'. Now I understand why the military won't take a dog unless it's 3-4 years old! The 'light bulb' is JUST coming on for her...sheesh, what a long road it's been!

Hey, we're the same age!!! People guess me to be between 28-35! HA! Must be because I act like a kid My hubby is 8 years younger than I & everyone guesses him to be alot older! People from the neighboehood have actually come up to us & said, how did such a "young" couple afford this house?!? Barry tries to give them an answer
I just say,"Old money." Which 'they' take to mean 'family' money...I
simpley mean good old money! LOL!

Time to 'try' to go back to sleep...Bear runs the mower & lets the dog bark outside my window...I've had about 12 hours sleep now...in the past four days I'll be goofy by the time I get up to work!
Take care! There are too many stories to bore you with...things have always happened to me! ALWAYS! I would like to know dull. At least it's like chicken soup...it couldn't hurt Later***Pan

Wazungu, thanks for listening...yes it really did 'help' to tell about it! They haven't mentioned the other man...so I guess I'll need to speak with the FBI about it!

Cassie AWAYS made everyone laugh...toss a toy & watch her walking along...nice & slow...made me feel pretty stupid! I was Blessed to have a Red Doberman (two in a row-but the 1st...wow) Rusty. He was so smart I ran out of things to teach him! With just a glance & eye movement, on my part---he'd flip the bird at a person! Oh I had fun with him! It was because of Rusty I came back from the Virgin Islands! His heart was breaking without me! He met with a tragic end (what else). Even today, 20 years later, when people in the Village speak of Rusty, they get a tear in their eye! I've had two REALLY amazing dogs!!! Belle is a knuckle head! She turns four this month (23rd) same as my last dobe 'Jake'. Now I understand why the military won't take a dog unless it's 3-4 years old! The 'light bulb' is JUST coming on for her...sheesh, what a long road it's been!

Hey, we're the same age!!! People guess me to be between 28-35! HA! Must be because I act like a kid My hubby is 8 years younger than I & everyone guesses him to be alot older! People from the neighboehood have actually come up to us & said, how did such a "young" couple afford this house?!? Barry tries to give them an answer
I just say,"Old money." Which 'they' take to mean 'family' money...I
simpley mean good old money! LOL!

Time to 'try' to go back to sleep...Bear runs the mower & lets the dog bark outside my window...I've had about 12 hours sleep now...in the past four days I'll be goofy by the time I get up to work!
Take care! There are too many stories to bore you with...things have always happened to me! ALWAYS! I would like to know dull. At least it's like chicken soup...it couldn't hurt Later***Pan

Gooday Pandora,

I just read your post and feel quite drained. I wish I had your courage. When is your birthday (and if you are reading, yours too wazungu)? Take care,

Walter.

PS The weather has turned, it's like Spring, eighteen degrees yesterday and maybe around the same today.

You went to France for the eclipse? Fantastic! Recently I've been having a lot of dreams about eclipses! Must be because it's coming up to one year to the day of the last eclipse!!!!

We've set up our own official site but it's not too good at the moment as it's only just been started up. It can be found at [Broken link removed by Moderator]

BTW Pandora I saw a James from Skandal look-a-like earlier!!!!!!

Katsy you're right, I hadn't realised. This time last year I was waiting to get to board a channel ferry. The eclipse was awesome, the clouds cleared just minutes before the total eclipse, so we saw the corona and the beads effect. The light was eerie. Now I want to see the aurora.

Pandora, I just remembered you weird Americans write dates all backwards. So I think it's three months age difference not 12 days, my birthday being 31-8-56. (Since you asked, Walter!) I get taken as younger too, as long as they don't get too close a look! Because I refuse to act my age. I will not be weighed down by the mortgage, join the Women's Institute, have my hair in a short curly perm, or start playing Bingo. Or give up things I'm supposed to be too old for.

I won't get bored with stories but you should catch up on sleep. Maybe I should find something really dull to write and send you to sleep. Last week's Finance Committee meeting perhaps?

PANDORA CHECK OUT THE SKANDAL FORUM THERE'S SOME REALLY COOL STUFF!!!!!

Gooday again Wazungu,

So you are a Virgo! Me too (12 September). How brave you were including the year as well. Like you, I have steadfastly refused to grow up, despite repeated exhortations to do so; it's just a pity my body has taken a different stance. And like you, I decline to join the Women's Institute, although I would not rule out the short curly perm. If you would like something boring that would put you to sleep quickly, I could post you some extracts from my thesis on Robert de Vere, or the reasons for the fall of the western Roman Empire; my family and friends go to sleep just listening to me talk about these topics, let alone actually reading them. Of course, I don't think the subject matter is boring, but then that probably says a lot about me! Take care,

Walter.