h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sirius Black had a sirius problem in keeping cool during the dog days of summer, especially when he transformed into a black dog.

Death Eaters freshen their breath with Dementos.

My pancake maker was stolen, syruptitiously. What a waffle experience – I feel like I’ve been creped. Who will solve this griddle? It’s a salt and buttery: but will the charges stick?

It’s hard to make a living selling pancakes. I’m barely creping by.

Even covered in salad dressing my lettuce looked bare, so I put some cloves on it.

The landscaper thought gardening magazines were fun to leaf through.

Buzz Lightyear was following a Japanese luxury car on the highway. When he pulled around to pass, he shouted, "To Infiniti and beyond."

The stove cleaner was so worried about the front grill that he put everything else on the back burner.

I paid £100 for eight legs of venison. Do you think this was two deer?

The doc wrote me that I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I watched my father making blood sausage. I never sausage blood in my life.

It was one of the wurst experiences I ever had.

My father was curing meat in the smokehouse when he bent over the wrong way and became hamstrung.

I used to drive a sausage, it was a banger

My nephew was walking on the beach and stepped on a sharp object which shell be nameless.

"Nice birdy," he said when he saw a stormy petrel, but he was just gullible.

The sky became very cloudy as we noticed a very large shell on the beach. It was the clam before the storm.

I crossed a parrot with a lion, it sits on it's perch shouting "Polly wants a zebra"

"Rockin' in the Free world" was blaring from a shell on the beach. It was Snail Young.

does he sleep in a sea shanty ?