h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You could hardly hear my gun when I pulled the trigger. I think it was gun-shy.

howitzer going then, by car or bus

A yak is the star of an animal talk show.

If word processing a presentation about guns -- be sure to know how to use bullets.

A speaker at the firearms convention had to rifle through his notes.

The luminescent Pelican triggered an air defense alert of glow bill proportions.

Did you hear about the farmer whose field ran along a highway? He petitioned the highway department to put a "Yield" sign by the road so his crops would be better.

yield have to shout louder, I can't hear for the traffic

Yes, but there's always a lot of traffic in Road Island.

plus loads of motorola's on garden lawns

I went to visit my cousin in Port Au Prince and saw that she was upset about rising gasoline prices: Aghast Haitian at a gas station.

A mumbling grain farmer can barley be understood. Give him a rye look.

An apple farmer with poor yields has to get to the core of the problem.

Did you hear about that Buddhist leader who retired and tended his crops? He's now known as the Dalai Farmer.

If Hawaii was criss-crossed with many highways, some people might think of it as a road island.

Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui.

indeed

By a strange combination of odd coincidences was apprehended by the immigration authorities oh-pun entering Australian air space and interned as an illegal immigrant on Christmas Island. Not even coal in Tony Abbots sock this year

- no it's sunny out

The farmer's son went to the city to try his luck, but the only job he could find was in a shoe store. The farmer makes hay while the son shines.