h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you ride a bus you have to pay your fare share.

No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday.

No need to be soy about the sauce here, just ketchup if you've got the bottle and you might avoid a tabasco.

Feline fashion models walk down the catwalk showing off their latest designs.

Would a wardrobe malfunction be catastrophic?

Yes. It might render the mannequin catatonic

All our felines were sick - so the vet gave every cat a tonic

The cats of Cat's Common in Norfolk wear catsuit leotards whenever they make cat calls on the telephone so that they can catchup on the latest gossip on the celebrity cat fights.

Are there caterwauls around the cat fights?

I threw 6 cats over the wall using a rubber band, it was a catapult

My dog jumped over wall after them. Doggone!

it must have been a springer spaniel then

That pesky guard dog yesterday steals any food left out. Still what can you expect from a doberman pinscher?

Culd you ask the neighbors to collie you when the dog is on the loose?

I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic.

The cat would not give up. It purred severe.

A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection.

The medical term for owning too many dogs? A roverdose.

I trained my dog to hunt for underground mushrooms but now he's more truffle than he's worth.

I've a gun-dog I think it's the trigger I'm pulling