h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Popeye came back as a pig. I ham what I ham.

A lawyer appearing on behalf of two co-defendants, pled "Guilty and Not Guilty".

Asked for a clarification, he responded, "I mean two pleas.".

brill' ITI

he was a vegetable impersonator, a carrotature

I don't carrot all about vegetables.

On my chicken farm, I own the birds scratching around on the ground in the barn, but I am paying off the ones sitting on the roosts - they are on higher perches.

An inspirational message on a sign outside of a coal mine said 'Keep Adit!'.

When looking for diggers an oil company's last task is a farewell bid on a fair well bid.

I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip

Where do peas have their sight tested? In an iPod.

He put an orange in his boxing glove so he could have a fruit punch.

constable Broth said Irish stew in the name of the law

Tiger Woods packed his golf clubs and scuba diving gear because he was going to compete in a big tunament.

I fought the lawn but the lawn won: My mower broke down

he said don't take offence, so I took his gate

The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo.

For a fencer to admit that he's been foiled is a hard thing touche.

Things can go either way at a kissing gate.

They had a two-door car and a Tudor house.

Queen Elizabeth the First had someone to give her lessons, and also someone to teach her to play the flute. So, the last Tudor had a tutor and a tooter.

The tudor tut-tutted tutors and tooters