h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Did you hear about the musician who used a clarinet when he went fishing?

The Brandybuck buccaneers bucked the trend by refusing to go bare foot and now they wear boots with buckles. They have now buckled down to producing their new range of waterproof boots for the Stoor hobbits when ever the fields and roads are muddy.

What was the leader of Russia's favourite food? Czardines!

Two anglers were having a discussion and opened quite a can of worms.

I have invented crockery that comes to me when I whistle. My cup runneth over.

Little Jimmy told his teacher he never saw a humming bird but he had watched a spelling bee

I wrote a song about small, burrowing animals. I decided it was time to gopher baroque.

If you spend too long commuting every day half your job is line dancing and brake dancing.

In a Scandinavian race the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line.

the orchestra dug for coal, they were in the pits

Did John Pitt invent the pendulum?

The other shunned their stable roommate because he was always so negative and neigh boring

He smuggled a sick predatory bird through customs. It was an ill eagle

I gnu there was something fishy about the african medicine man when the potion he gave me made me see zebras with horisontal stripes

The cheetah even made me pay twice for it

It was a tusk getting my back

They're talking about putting in an elanding strip in the Serengeti.

Like this, you mean?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uzhxQAj_PM

I had short cut Serengeti on toast, but still prefer beans

I believe the chef's been arrested for cooking the books.

The chef's recipe for haricots is considered passé nowadays. He's a has-bean.

he acted as bacon, because someone said he was an ham'