h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I curried favour with a local firm of kitchen designer and builders and was visited by Angelica, Basil, Rosemary, Myrtle, Dill and Lavender about my new kitchen extension which will have several pantries and larders. They are in mint condition and this is where I have a special section for herbs and spices. I was given sage advice about growing my herbs and spices and the best way of storing them from my neighbour Nigella.

I relaxed with a cup of tea and a few Ginger nut snaps as I looked out of my Bay window watching the autumn leaves fall of my trees and bushes as I leafed through my recipe book for ideas for Savory dishes listening to a CD of the Spice girls songs.

Short-order cooks in busy restaurants call themselves 'pressure cookers'.

The stove cleaner was so worried about the front grill that he put everything else on the back burner.

The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.

The parsley grows sparsely in my garden

takes sage's without fertiliser

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The very wise wizard's vision was washed away with wine:

"I could have drawn it on a white board", he said.
"But I'd prefer to be drowned in white port"

My herb garden has been growing very slowly. It takes sages to get it growing.

doughnut talk to me about food, I'm on a diet

Josh caused his a stir with his oriental stir fry meal by adding Rogan Josh powder to it and he added orange zest to it as wanted more zest in his life.

On the Isle of Mull, the folk would mull over their health problems over a few glasses of mulled ale and going over local traditional remedies for their winter ale-ments.

zest a minute, it's too costly to go to beer ritz

Do waiters who serve veggie soup like tips? Yes, they accept gratatouille-ties.

What fruit feels like a boulder when you pick it up? The palm-o-granite!

The prospective chef was turned down for a cooking job – because he didn't have the right skillet set. So he ended up smoking pot, panhandling in an alley, and chasing after spoon-tang.

he got a spoonbill but the paid it

Thanks to his spoon-tang-eity the had many

A guy swallowed a spoon and found he couldn't stir.

I met some cult members who worshiped soup serving utensils. I said, 'Oh ye of ladle faith.'