h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

good job he didn't like a port, that's too much to drink

soon be post 12345

How did you guess me password

The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.

Once the rugby players got out of their scrum and before they restarted the next game they would have a pint of scrumpy cider which they found to be very scrummy.

Someone who really ‘nose’ grapes is a ‘winoceros’.

I always try to resling to the challenge when it comes to wine tasting.

My wife took my bottle and when I protested she just said "oh stop wineing"

If you taught a rodent to sing the "Vocalise," could you call him Ratmaninoff?

The world's most amazing animal violinist is of course, Piganini.

there's that horror film star in the attic - Boris Carloft

Is he any relation to the Russian vampire, Borscht Karloff?

Or the old Bob Hope song Fangs For The Memory?

I showed the film "Nosferatu the " to Acula's granny. The old had never seen it before

Bloody hell!

The rodent catcher was always trying to weasel his way out of work.

Then there were some vermin who abandoned a porcelain basin that was mailing packages at the post office. The rats were leaving the shipping sink.

A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.

When a vampire decided to become a poet, everyone said he went from bat to verse.

Two snakes parted, and one said, 'fangs for the memories'.