h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The same caddy could also carry a box of tees.

(No strain, it's in the bag!)

A couple of joiners used box wood to make their wooden boxes with.

if it's tea for two, then a P must be for one

I have a neighbour who has put his name as Mr Wong and when ever he answers the telephone, he says this is the Wong number.

I took my stained jumper to Wong's laundry on Wednesday but when I went back to collect it on the next day he told me he could not get all the stain off and he will send it to his brother across town who had been working in the laundry business longer than him.

So on Friday I went back to Wong's to pick up my sweater, but when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully informed me that his brother, too, had failed to remove the red blotch. "No charge," said Wong, "but you must take sweater elsewhere to clean.

The Moral: ... Two Wongs cannot make a white."

Why are there no phone books in China?
Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

That reminds me of my favorite Joan Rivers joke. She was joking about how fat a famous actress had become: "She has more chins than a Chinese telephone directory."

I was on the phone, but fell off

That rings a bell.

so did Alexander and Graham

A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.

They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.

One asked, "Do you know this guy?"

The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."

The next day, the dead bell ringer's twin brother comes in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also has no arms. They lead him up to the bell tower, he runs at the bell, trips and falls to the sidewalk below.

The same two guys walk by.

The first asks, "Do you know him?"

The second guy responds, "No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy we saw yesterday."

The IRS left a message on my mobile phone that I owed them more money. It was a taxed message.

A pirate with one hand often picked up the phone. He wanted to get off the hook.

The young man quit dating the telephone operator because he felt disconnected. Besides, she had too many hangups

My boss does not tolerate any beards or mustaches. He is a real shave driver.

whisker is NOT put the missus in a blender

I was listening to some very old corny jokes on the radio as I was eating corn on the cob , but had to stop as my corns on my feet were bothering as I tried to focus my thoughts on the picture of the corn of cornucopia when my neighbour started to talk on the telephone so loudly that her voice became very husky.

corn (on cob) on toes ? how do you get your shoes on

With the help of a cobbler, of course!

don't see them round here, they've been shoed off

I cobbled a few ingredients from my kitchen cupboard and from my garden to make an autumn fruit cobbler.