h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

is an oximoron a stupid pyromaniac?

this Just in: Beaver shot hunter

I've just bought a parrot called styrene here poly

Perch-ance to dream.


Macaw? A parrot burger.

There goes Sam with his cam,
not giving a dam about missing the tram,
and now is in a taxi that stuck in a jam,
on the way to the river Cam,
to meet up with his friend Tam,
to see his prize winning ram,
who's partial to eating yams,
and sandwiches filled with jam.

sparrow on a spit, home to roasterr roost

I'm the little rat roaster

never having to defend my dinner

My car's fender has come off.

Did I do something to off fend 'er?

Frank was very frank with Earnest about his earnest wish to eat frankfurters throughout the "Importance of being Earnest" play at the town's theatre.

The princes of two neighboring kingdoms had been tennis rivals for years. One day, one of the princes found that he couldn't hold a fancy ball because the ballroom was unavailable. He sent the dancers to the other prince, saying, "The ball is in your court."

" all", said the umpire. That was easy for him to say. He didn't have to beat my opponent

Because of space constraints, they're building a vertical baseball field in Manhattan. It's called the Umpire State Building.

we didn't have a gymnasium high enough so we nailed the trampoline to one wall and tought our contestants to jump sideways

tossing the caber

My high school gymnaseum had parallel bars, but the students were too young to order drinks there. They knew the ropes, though.

no strings attached in vaulting over the bars then

Two drinking establishments in the same gymn?

Must be parallel bars.

My mate the vino was very musical, always humming bars

I was going to write you a drinking song, but I couldn't get past the first bar.

The most unbelievable joke?

Two jazz musicians walked past a bar