h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

if they stopped kids digging down coalmines, why do they still have miners ? and not adults

In coalminer's breaks, they drank coke, not tea.

pit that down and wash your hands first

You don't have to min(e)d or drill it into me.

I keep hearing about mine fields in the war zones and I thought they were fighting over oil

(To be read in a Brummy accent.)

Oil try to think of another.

I misread the warning and thought those fields were mine - hence the peg leg

Vengeance is mine.

After that poisonous snake struck at me in the Arizona Desert I was really rattled and then I came across a snake who was mad at a jewel thief because he wanted his diamondback.

A hockey player who wields his stick as if it were a sword might feel most at home in Middle Earth place in "Ice-En-Garde,"

And of course we all know that the reason why the Enemy's cut down so many trees in the East is to make "More door."

Had those been the doors of perception I would not have dwelled on the threshold

The doors of perception: a positively unhinged mind.

a clay vase kept the door open, it was a wedgewood

Maybe it SLIPped.

By the way, nobody was fired.

I cracked up and had a glaze on my leg

Great! I must pass that on to my kith and kiln.

a good idea me old China

I'll just pottery around while you get back

I'm absolutely aglazed by that remark.

I had it plated for a cup match

I Spode you meant that.