h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I went to buy a Dalmatian but to my surprise it was completely black all over.
- Are you sure this is a true Dalmatian, I sceptically asked the seller.
- Sure, it's just that it only has one big spot.

Dachshund! Dachshund!

I'd get some medication ? looks like you've a cold coming on

What kind of vegetable has a hard time singing?

Hoarseradish

Never settle on a nettle

[ancient Chinese proverb]

I drove to the Isle of Skye with Skye my Scottish Skye terrier. I stopped at the cafe for a few hot-dogs which I shared with Skye. As it was a cold and windy day where the Skye was overcast, I wore my long dogtooth patterned coat and hat as I listened to an old sea dog sing shanties and tell old shaggy-dog stories about his time when he was onshore visiting the Isle of Dogs and Barking to meet up with his friends who were news-hounds. On one visit it was raining cats and dogs and the other time it was freezing cold, like a three dog night.

After he retired from show business, Ricky Ricardo moved to the isle of Lucy.

Paula brilliant one

I couldn't find the car window scraper this morning, so I used a plastic store discount card to clean my windows. It didn't work very well. I only got 20% off.

Nick arrived in the nick of time to stop the Rick O' Shayed (Ricocheted) bullet from hitting the antique bull ornament.

Rick Shaw, the film star was always on the move

Rick rode in a rickety rickshaw with Nick who got to the Nickelodeon, in the nick of time before the start of the film.

Where do bulls exchange their messages?
On a bulletin board.

In Neverland, it's always easy to see at night, because Peter is a flash in the pan.

Barry Allen aka The Flash found his lost his Allen Key and his pancake frying pan which he found in a flash. Usually his pancakes did not pan out, but this time it did. He even put together the kitchen pan rack with the help of his Allen Key. He did this because Barry Allen's success is not just a Flash in the pan.

Where is Barry Allen buried?

T Rex ? No thanks, but I'll have a coffee

Teasels are growing in the Wildlife Trust's Tearoom gardens which proves a talking point during afternoon tea where people talk about their favourite wildflowers and plants.

What's the first thing a farmer plants in his field?

His foot.

The Scottish hogs wearing dark wigs celebrate Hogmanay with the First Footer bringing in the New Year bring lumps of coal for the fire. The Hogs would hog the fireplace as they wait to be given whisky and shortbread. Later on there is a Fireballs parade that lightens up the dark sky which inspires the hogs to hog the limelight.

The opera singer got seasick every time she hit the high C's