h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I bought a new to play polo with, but he never came when I called. I named him Marco.

I started to panic when the pan-fried pancakes did not pan out.

I used to enjoy water polo, until my drowned. After that, I tried riding dolphins. This was no accident. I did it on porpoise.

I bought a toffee hammer IT melted

Just don't try to eat a hammer sandwich. You'd need strong teeth for that.

The weather forecaster has a Spanish breed of horses which had a beautiful manes and wore dressed with magnificent plume on their heads. When the weather forecaster took part in dressage it was during a Spanish Plume which brought warm weather.

If you predict the weather, but you are wrong 25% of the time, does that mean you are a threecaster?

Two pet owners got together for a weekly public discussion on the Internet. They called it their Pawed Cast.

That last post was doggone clever.

( Paul)


Kay the news hound always had a nose for finding a source for a good news story and with dogged determination would always purse a new lead for local news that over newspapers would overlook and ignore. When she was not at work, she would be tending to her garden where she grew a number of wildlife friendly plants that included the dog rose, dog violet and the dog wood. Her reputation in creating the most nature friendly wildlife haven in her back garden grew throughout the county. This inspired her to give advice on how people could do this same thing in their garden. One week, she had all plants that were called dog.

I was kitten about that

he asked why does that man have a squashed can in-between his bread ?

he always asks for a beercan sarnie



(bacon sandwich)

If it's a can of pumpkin, he can throw it up in the air. It will come down with a squash.

At night you can hear the salmon singing.

What do they sing?

"Salmon chant in evening."

As I walked down the street, I got a sense of deja vu. This was logical, since I was on the Avenue Beenhere before.

Bees are beesotted about their favourite flowers lavender and marjoram.

bee hive or I'll tell your dad

My father changed the name of the street we lived on. When I got behind in my chores, he named it Avenue Mowedthe Lawnyet?

No, I'm relaxing in Diddedishes Park.

park park! a dog with a lisp..