h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's been said that television is a medium, in the sense that it's neither rare nor well-done.

if a ghost started to act funny, would it make a spectre'cle of itself

It's very rare to find a steak this well done by a medium.

After eating the ship, the sea monster needed an Alka-Seltzer. He said, 'I can't believe I ate the hull thing.'

When I was young, I wanted to study archaeology, but my dad thought it was nothing more than a lot of skullduggery.

The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

Borrowing someone's cereal is oatlendish behaviour.

Cracked ova for breakfast have an eggs squeezit flavour.

Which animals like to get drunk? It is the Caribous. They love elkohol, they gazelle it down; especially Moosehead. There’s nothing quite like an ice cold deer.

Wind farmers look forward to which month? A(u) gust.

Wind farmers sew breeze in hope of harvesting storm

I looked into the butcher's garbage. It was an offal sight.

I was skating with a friend when we noticed a cute girl about twenty feet away.

"I think I'll go over and break the ice with her," he said.

Famous last words!

I said you skate well girder, she said they don't call me girder ? I replied - but your built like one

WhatvFrenchn opera is about a woman who goes to a shoe store?

"Payless and Melisande"

she wore 2 fish on each foota sole and an eel

She went to Fort Dix expecting a sale on footwear. What she found was boot camp.

The cobbler went to Fort Convenience and bought an eel and a sole to boot

she couldn't stand up without falling, she'd skates on HER feet