h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A menu drops down from nowhere. The "highlight" moves to Materia, unequips Fire from Ma Chao, Enemy Skill from Eric, Gravity from Furr, and Cure from Ribald. They are then equipped to Aeris, and the menu closes.*

Because of my low exp rating I might need some help like what do these abilities you have given me do?

*A Help menu pops up, and cycles to Materia. A new window drops down, saying the following:
"Materia Allows you to cast spells..."
It begins to skip through until it reaches about Materia Levels.
"Materia has several Levels, just like the magic it allows you to cast. For example. Level I Ice would allow you to cast Blizzard, whereas Level III Ice allows Blizzard, Blizzara and Blizzaga. You currently possess Level III Fire (Fire, Fira, Firaga), Level I Gravity (Demi), Enemy Skill with Frog Song, Flamethrower and Trine abilities, and Level IV Cure (Cure, Cura, Curaga and Regen). More information about these spells can be found elsewhere."
The menu disappears again, leaving several confused people wondering where these menu's keep coming from...*

Two more questions oh mighty menu in the sky. 1 What are the trine and frog song abilities and 2 Regen is magic used to regain health correct?

*The menu drops down once again, with a list of spells.
"Frog Song: Turns the victim into a Frog. If cast on someone already turned into a Frog, they will turn back. Has no effect on real frogs.
Trine: Powerful electrical attack that can hit a large group of enemies at once.
Regen: Will slowly restore the health of anyone it is cast upon."
The menu disappears again. There is now a group of Black Legion who have joined the Galyani staring at where the Menu was.*
[Legionnaire] Did that really happen?
*The menu appears once again, says "Yes." and vanishes.*
[Legionnaire] Bugger.

Oh, and Aries? The Ultima spell only hurt the Black Legion, i.e. the Enemy. All the good guys are unharmed.

Thanks.

[Eric]I had the frog song all this time?

[Lampwick] Beats me. Depends on the Materia you got.

::Baileywick, clinging tenaciously to the black dragon, sees Ma Chao heading for a cart of armaments and gunpowder. He wonders momentarily how Ma Chao could possibly utilize them, being a single warrior against so many. The flames of the dragon's attacks flare upward and singe his boots...and the light comes on . He calls to the massive reptile above the rush of the wind and the clamor of battle.::

[Baileywick] Hoy, beasty! Watch our friend Ma Chao closely, now. If'n he manages t'push a cart o' that powder to yon Magic Inhibitor, ye must put a torch t'it. D'ye un'erstand?

::The black dragon rumbles deep within its belly and bobs its head, then climbs aloft to avoid some missiles launched at it. It's wings beat powerfully through the air, gathering altitude in the mists and smoke above the battlefield. Judging it has evaded the reach of the enemy, it folds its wings inward and slices down through the billowing clouds once more, seeking the opportune moment to aid Ma Chao in his attempt to disable the Magic Inhibitor.::

::Meanwhile, Furr Purrfikt leads a contingent of soldiers through the corridors of the Senate building. Each of the groups dispatched there encounters opposition from Black Legionnaires, yet the Galyani are unwilling to let there city fall to these dark warriors. Each skirmish within the hallowed walls of the government building ends with more enemy warriors lying dead and broken. Furr and his party of soldiers meet more vehement resistance the closer they get to the Council Chambers.::

[Furr] Rrally now, prrotectorrs of Galyana! Watch to yeour rearr guarrd! Be mindfful of each otherr!

::In such close quarters, the fighting is intense and brutal. Knots of warriors rush at the city's defenders, attempting to splinter their ranks. The Galyani soldiers keep their wits about them and surround the Legionnaires, hack them down, and advance once more.::

[/Furr & Baileywick & Dragon ]

~Eric frog songs' a passing legionare

*Ma Chao kicks a barrel of Black Powder into a group of legionnaires, and throws a burning torch after it. The explosion takes out a large group of Legionnaires, and Ma Chao uses Aero to blast half a dosen more barrels into the first Magic Inhibitor. A Legionnaire tries to shoot him with a magic arrow, but Ma Chao ducks, and the Legionnaire stares in horror as the arrow strikes the explosives. He would have been in serious trouble, if Ma Chao hadn't decapitated him.

THWAKADOOM!!!!!

One down, three to go...*

[Ribald] Somebody set up us the ... wait.

[OoC]
Good save, Ribald!
[/OoC]

::Seeing Ma Chao has taken matters into his own hands, there's only one other thing for Baileywick and the black dragon to do so as not to waste the dive.::

[Baileywick] Down, beasty! Grab a munitions cart! Throw it onto another Magic Inhibitor!

::The dragon skims lower still; so low its wings, talons, and tail actually knock troops off their feet. Careening onward, it grasps one cart of gunpowder--then another--in its claws, twists in mid-air, slings both at a Magic Inhibitor, then tucks its head down as it passes over the infernal machine and pin-points its fiery breath on the jumble of parts. The whole pile ignites in a single concussion of sound and flames, flinging debris and bodies across the field of battle. The aura of magic crackles outward in lightning-like tendrils, vaporizing chunks of ground, slicing through enemy troops, and whipping against The Dark Lord in a wash of sickly green energy. Just as quickly, the panoply of light subsides and The Dark Lord is still standing, though parts of his attire are singed and tattered and flap wildly in the rising winds of the gathering storm.::

[Baileywick] Well done, me lovely! Now, let's 'ave at it agin!

::The black dragon picks a path through the heavens only it can see, beating its wings to gain height, then changes course to dive back into the melee. Spotting a siege cannon with a munitions cart in tow, the winged beast veers from its head-long rush and snatches both off the ground. The shot and powder begin to spill from the wagons, but the majority of the supplies are hurled against a third Magic Inhibitor, splintering the carriage holding the large dish-like device. The ground troops reply with a barrage that causes the dragon to pull up before setting fire to the wreckage. Baileywick shouts with all his might.::

[Baileywick] Ma Chao!!! T'yer left!!! Set fire to een!!! Set fire to the wagon!!!

::The black dragon pulls itself and Baileywick aloft, disappearing into the growing thunderhead sweeping over the hills and down into the valley of destruction.::

[/Baileywick & Dragon]

[Sparky] Destroy the Inhibitors then we can end this.Charge with all ye strength mighty comrades!!!

~Eric takes the inititive and raps a piece of oily cloth he happened to have on him over the end of his crossbow. Eric lights the cloth and sends the fire-arrow into the overturned cart~

~KABOOM~

[Eric]There are 2 left! Someone give me a hand pushing this cart into the next one!

[Ribald] Wait, I know! [holds up Materia] Summon ... Morton Bahamut, Jr.!

[[Kilo Flare]]

[A rather smallish version of Bahamut appears, and shoves the cart forward. Then it breathes a miniature burst of non-elemental energy at it.]

BORAM!

[Sparky] Excellent, now time to hatch a daring plan......

[Continuity]
::The impending storm front encroaches onto the battlefield. Dark, ominous clouds lower over the terrain. Wind whips through the battlements of the city in almost gale force; even the surrounding forests bend to the onslaught. Lightning crackles across the heavens; thunder booms and deafens the massed armies. Yet heedless of the rushing storm, one unearthly figure stands upon the hillside overlooking Galyana as if it is unaffected by the raging tempest. The Dark Lord surveys the unfolding events, his eyes ablaze with unknowable thoughts. And black as pitch they are, twisted, vile, and horrible. There is but one course of action for him.::
[/Continuity]

[Yar] [as TDL] Release the robotic Richard Simmons!


[Cue "WEAPON Emerges" theme from FF7.]