h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy pulls himself off the ground*

Well, this is a pleasant situation. 'Scuse me for a moment.

*Affy walks into a convenient telephone booth. A few seconds later, he steps out, wearing slightly cleaner and more dashing looking robes. He draws his sword, and pulls out his CHOPPERS membership card*

I won't attack any of the STUMPED members, Red, but I *will* stick around and make sure that you don't try and detonate that bomb.

*The Krylma Leader watches the scene from above*

That sorry excuse for an adventurer. Lenore, what's the probability of Afgncaap5 actually making a difference down there right now?


Thirty-six point three.

*wonders if she should leave, or wait for affy to decide to beat up the nearest member of STUMPED*

*moves several feet away from affy just in case*

*Sighs*

Lenore, tell someone down there that Affy isn't a threat as long as Red can activate the bomb at a word. He's headstrong, impulsive, and too eager to be the centre of attention, but he's not a total idiot.

*Lenore relays the message to the STUMPED members*

*understands the transmission but mutters something about being attacked by affy in the holistic detective agency*

Okay, Affy, I'll leave now, and not detonate the bomb.

~Red says, not reminding him about the detonator built into his helmet, or about the systems that keep Affy from disarming the bomb~

Beam us out, Lenore.

~All members of STUMPED are beamed aboard the Raven. Once aboard, Red wonders...~

Affy was standing very close to me when I said "beam us out". I wonder if Lenore may have beamed him aboard by mistake...

~Red turns around and, depending on Affy's next post, does, or does not see Affy standing there~

*decides it best to move a lot further from the statue*

*materialises next to the statue just as the other STUMPED members get teleported away*

uh-oh....

*de-materialises and follows them*

*Strange! The Press finally make it to the important conferance, only to find that there is a potential bomb, and that most attendees have teleported/transported/beat a hasty retreat!
Shazz dithers, not knowing whether to stay or scarper!*
shazzPRME

*Peregrin wanders up and kicks the base of the statue*

Bomb? Ha! I wonder what would make it go off?

*Starts idly hitting the bomb with a sledgehammer*

*The Computer's voice emits from the 'station:*
[Masque, my intentions are, if this device detonates, not to transport it, but to seal it. If detonation occurs, it will be surrounded by the shiled I am presently aiming. The destruction will not exceed that area.]
[Everyone's safety is completely assured.]
[Masque, if are elected, and you find I, the Space Station Computer, caused you trouble, please note that you have no jurestiction over me, Pr. C. Tonks, or any of the Space Station. Since it is not of h2g2 origin, it is not bound by its laws.]
[Thankyou...]

*teleorts Shazz out of range of the explosion just in case the shield doesnt work*

We cant really kill Shazz, it wouldnt look good, would it?

There is about as much continuity in this thread as in a piece of swiss cheese! I wish you people would think these things through.

I take it that WHEN Red fails to be elected, this bomb is supposed to go off and destroy all of h2g2? Hit it harder, Peregrin, the suspense is killing me, you should pardon the expression. I mean, what's the point of getting out of the way? Those of us old enough to remember living in the Cold War learned to love the bomb a while back.

Incidentally, Joe AKA Arnia included the Bruce Memorial on the municipal park page but decided to put it in the middle of a roundabout. If this new statue is directly behind the Bruce Memorial, isn't it obstructing traffic? *makes a note to herself to request a change of venue for the statue later on, if h2g2 survives this latest event*

*sits down near bomb statue after her display of stiff attitude, taking out a bottle of wine and some sandwiches* I could say that I will miss you all, except that I won't exist either...

*Wipes up the sarcasm as it drips off lil*

Its a large roundabout....

*takes out a bottle of Masque wine and glugs some down*

Nice day isnt it?

*Peregrin throws the sledgehammer aside, narrowly missing the sandwiches*

This calls for something more destructive. Anyone know how to detonate a nuclear bomb?

*Takes a swig of Portugese white wine*

Well i dont think we should do it the American way, ie drop it on a city full of innocents...

When the British drop bombs, the Germans run for cover.
When the Germans drop bombs, the British run for cover.
When the Americans drop bombs, EVERYBODY runs for cover.

(no offence intended to any Americans in here - but ask any WW2 veteran and they'll tell you it's true!
The Americans even managed to bomb a Swiss (neutral) town to oblivion in WW2 )

*has decided to ignore the anti-american sentiments*

I take it that I am now in a safe place then? Thank you Redfish!
I cannot really think what to make of all this atm... the pressure of running the Post AND the elections must be getting to me! Oh well... it will be a slim volume this week people... but WOWBAGGER is back!
For those of you who don't know, he is a brilliant cartoonist and has decided to resurrect *h2g2 life*. So... a word of warning to all who plot the destruction of h2g2... you will be cartoonised! LOL
shazzPRME

*Meanwhile, aboard the Raven, the doors to the transporter room open, and The Krylma Leader slithers in*

Well done, Red! This is just the kind of publicity we need: being cartoonised! STUMPED has made the big time, just like all of those other villains in comcis!

*Decides not to mention the possibility that comic books will not exist in three years time*

Now, let's celebrate by...what's he doing here?

*KL glares at a confused looking Afgncaap5, who was unobtrusively pushing buttons on a control pad. He looks up, frowns, pushes some buttons on his watch, and vanishes. KL looks at what Affy did*

Red, I'm assuming you know how to alter course corrections on this thing, right? We're on a crash course for Mt. SandEverest.