h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do you think we could have a multi-dimentional singularity which protruded into all dimensions EXCEPT our "main 3"? That way, we'd just have to dimensionally shift whatever we wanted to have sucked in, without sucking the lab. in too...?

Yeah, and if I have my knowledge correct, it might even be easier to include all the others.
According to Hawking, all other dimensions are really close together, and that's why we can't see them. All we need to do is find out where they lie, and get some infinetly dense matter, and were all set.
Well either accomplish our task, or destroy our existance, Hmmm.. sounds like fun

Infinitely dense matter, huh? Are there any labs with spare "Richard and Judy" scripts here?

ER, well, I deserted those labs years ago, but you can have a look if you want...
Hmmm, if you can create a singularity, I'll take control of the shifting through dimensions bit. I am in control of the only machine that can do that properly.
Sorry I havn't been here recently, had terrible troubles with my browser. Damn hackers!

You may have come across some of my earlier work - I developed the singularity which only swallowed vowels. It's now a standard plug-in for US English browsers...

That was *you*???

Wow...

*looks shocked*

It just goes to show that things don't have to be useful or practical to be popular! (Why did that make me think of "Neighbours"?)

I could go into a great discussion about it...

Go on then...

Yeah! Go on! We dare yah!

Yeah, you won't do it

Hmmm... I see we have a major temporal instability in this lab... I think it could be the lack of a competent programmer for the multi-dimensional structural stabilizing system... You mean you don't have one? Tch, tch... I'll just get my portable one from my ship...

*Whizzes off and comes back with huge trolley*

Okay... right then...

*Powers it up and starts pressing buttons. The spinning thing starts spinning, and the thing that goes "parp" goes "parp".*

We just set the stabilization level to "astrophysicist-proof", press this, this and this and initialize the BRL...

*Pulls a big red lever marked "Do not pull". The chalkboards reappear, the bunsen burner flames turn back to yellow, the tea stains vanish, and Njan's pen turns into a earthworm. He carries on writing in his notebook for a couple of words before he notices.*

Yaaaah!! *Njan throws worm into beaker of "Quik-Gro"*

Oh, well. Better luck next time...

Anything to be able to get this mess sorted out

I think I see your problem - to quote McPhail, the engineer of "The Vital Spark",:

"See that bit goin roun' and roun'? It's supposed ta be goin' up an' doon!"

*enters in not such a good condition*

Oh, hello Peet!! I remember you... Faintly... You were in the rehab-wing and then left with the monkey... You don't remember? Well, it's weeks ago... No wonder... I was really getting frustrated when I couldn't find my way out... But then I remembered I had my shovel... Luckily I did... There would have been no other way getting through those walls... And BigC, sorry about the mess back there... But I think the walls can be pretty easily repaired... I don't recommend going there though... Now what's happening around here?

Aha! Krans... I sink ve haff ze problem!... *rummages around under the machine with his legs sticking out from underneath*... aa-ha... here ve are. *brings out a paperclip*... Somebody had replaced the fuse with one of these. Not Good.

Now, the only problem is, where to find a fuse? We're in an Astrophysiks lab, for god's sakes...

OI! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?!?!

I wish they would turn out the lights around here, I can't do any astronomy due to the intense light polution, ARG! And I'm ment to be studying distortions in the sub shell of Jupiter. Anyone else have this problem? You may like to sigh my petition to get something done about it.
http://www.h2g2.com/A296688

Cheers,

Nick

Light bad, paper clips pretending to be fuses also bad, why can't we have nice things. I think I need a drink.

*clunks knee on object on floor that he cannot see due to the absence of light*
OUCH!!

Use a penny. Get a fire extinguisher.

It's only electricity, after all.

*flips a switch on the wall*
There. Some light.

Pennys? No, I've tried it. Your Hi-fi only blows up.

So, anyone want to help in the crusade for a fuse?