h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ow, I don't care what universe you're from, that's GOTTA hurt!

Hurts to think about...

You said it.

Sorry I made you think about it.....

I think that there *is* intelligent life out there. It's just that there are so many 'in-duh-viduals' (Dilbert fans will recognise the term) that a lot of companies are forced into catering for them After all, if I buy a cup of coffee I know it's going to be hot. Probably close to boiling, in fact. So I'm careful with it and take care not to burn myself. But the idea of being able to sue or be sued for injuries like that means that companies have to label their drinks, although now even this doesn't seem to be enough. Similarly, because of the number of people who have nut allergies, food companies have to label any products that do, or may, contain nuts, even if the product *is* nuts (that's the fruit, not an indication that the product is crazy!).

There is one case of stupidity that still gets me gobsmacked, and I'd love to know which in-duh-viduals were judge and jury on this one. A truck driver was charged with dangerous driving after causing a pile-up in fog on a British motorway. His defence was that he was not responsible because the 'Fog' warnings hadn't been turned on. In order for a pile-up to occur there must have been thick fog, so common sense should tell you to moderate your speed, driving style, etc. But, no. His defence was accepted and he was acquitted. So now the authorities up and down our fair country put the 'Fog' warnings on, even when it's only slightly misty!

I will have to remember that excuse, next time I want to get out of something......

Just remember: being on death row is the ultimate alibi.

[Man: "I couldn't have done it, Officer, I was on death row!"]

[Officer: "Oh! That's all right, then!"]

...as long as you can prove you were on death row.

How do you get off Death Row, other than the obvious?

DNA evidence, of course. What else?

Some crack lawer that discovers you're actually innocent and solves the entire crime while being chased by the culprit/s and getting shot at and exploded.....happens all the time.

Yeah. Just watch any thriller. Just about.

Although, that exect plot never happens in Independence Day.

Okay,a crack pilot.....Welcome to earth.

Hi.

Welcome to Earth?
Where are you from?

[standing stiffly; deadpan voice] Greetings, Earthlings. I come in peace. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. [cracks up]

I come in peace and resistance is futile are kinda contradictory...I'm beginning to think you're actually from earth...

H'mm,
Very perceptive.
Is "Mac" the Gaelic form of "Spock"?

I speck.

The ability to speck the Spanish Inquisition.

[As YK attempts to sort out this confusion of quotes, there is a jarring chord and in bursts cardinals Ximinez, Biggles, and Fang.]

[Ximinez] NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise! And fear! Our /two/ weapons are surprise, and fear ... and ruthless efficiency. Our /three/ weapons are surprise, fear, ruth -- ack!

[YK throws them out with the Force]

Hey, don't be so hasty!
I think you could be on to something there.
(Or do I mean "I'll have some of whatever you're on?")

Hehehehe
And on that note, thank you & goodnight....