h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The rat awoke and rubbed his eyes,
Then crawled toward the tunnel's lip,
And what he saw, to his surprise,
Was Albert Ross making a quip,
While Cat was catching forty winks.
Giraffe ate eucalyptus buds.
Owl hunted rare wild minks,
And piggy gorged on peels from spuds.

"My word," said Rat, "It really seems
My friends were eaten in my dreams."

A peaceful scene was spread before
As rat woke from his dream.
The animals various, numerous, went on to gnaw
Their favourite nosh, as animals always seem
To do. No raving birds, rats, or cats,
No moles voles, or giraffes tall,
Nor any dogs in silly hats.
Ah yes. At last. Farewell to all.

Or is it??

Farewell you say – what do you mean,
Do all of us have to depart this scene?
The question that is on my mind,
Is what did Albert Ross and cat find,
When on their trip to the US of A
Accused of terrorism on that day.
Who Dubbya Shrub accused of battle,
They landed safely in boring Seattle.

Ah, yes, Seattle. Came by train.
Cat and Ross danced in the rain.
Like some silly movie set,
grinning, singing, soaking wet.

Very fond of that one Paul

Jab

Very fond of that one Paul
But really is that all?

Drying out, they danced around,
Seeing sights in Puget Sound.

Smelting gold, silver, copper and ore,
The cat got considerably hardened paws,
Albert Ross spent the entire day hunting fish,
And at night they both dined on a sumptuous dish.

Sorry if my remark a couple of postings ago made you feel slighted or somethin', Pedantic, but I can't fill up this thread with comments - it wouldn't have comments at all if we were being strict - but we're not - and I certainly have praised you in the past. The general standard is too high, anyway.

Jab

No offence taken, no offence meant,
The thread's a delight, wasn't that your intent?
I try to contribute, as best as I can,
It is fun - that is all - so where do I stand?

Pedantic, you stand
At the forefront
No - in the storefront of the forefront:
Give him a big hand.

I'd give you a big hand, because you're so gifted,
But my hand's so heavy I can't even lift it....

Back to Albert Ross and cat,
As on the Puget sands they sat,
The cat got tired of mining ore,
‘My god’ he cried, ‘life’s such a bore,
Oh Albert, can’t we go back home,
Hence the northern seas to roam,
I’ll sit quite still upon your back,
And if it rains I’ll wear a mac.
We could be back in a week or less,
And forget about this awful mess’.

But Albert didn't look too sure
With tearfilled eyes he stroked cat's paw

Said Albert Ross, "My dearest cat,
I'm getting older. Think of that!
So many foes have nearly slain
Us. Naturally I don't complain,
But can't the two of us just rest?
Must life be always one big test?"

The cat replied, “It’s fine for you,
Just flying high the whole day through,
Whilst I am left here upon the ground,
Mining for ore in Puget Sound.
It’s not the nicest place on earth,
And furthermore, for what it’s worth,
I haven’t seen a mouse all week
I haven’t even heard one squeak.
So, if it’s all the same to you,
May I suggest as what we do.
Let’s make a trip to Wigan Pier,
And sample pints of warm, flat beer.

Then Albert shrugged, now weary, worn
and said, "let's sleep on it 'til dawn
and with the dreams that come tonight,
tomorrow we'll decide what's right."

What's right?
What's left>
What's good what's bad?
What's tall@
What's short?
Think on a bit, lad.

The morning came, cold, damp and grey,
“Come on,” said Albert, “on our way.”
They packed their bags - cat climbed aboard,
High into the east the pair of them soared,
Well our of range of the prying eyes,
Of G Dubbya Shrub and his pesky spies,
With the jet stream behind them all of the way,
They traversed the States in less than a day
Once oer the Atlantic, they flew close to the sea
And Albert Ross scooped up some fish for their tea,
Gliding along at a leisurely rate,
The cat felt happy and quite sedate.

Come on someone!!!