h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would go further. I split my infitive, abuse apostrophes rite fonetically when i feel lke it, language evelolves - live with it, start spelling through - thru in important documents, begin sentences with And, Because, the one best thing of the internet and text messages is that we r begining 2 challenge the othodoxy of our teachings.

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C Hawke

Cultural differences are a *strength*, ladies and gentlemen. They permit people to break out of hidebound traditions and see things in entirely new ways. When you encounter a difference, it forces you to look at your own culture with new eyes. That's been one of the secrets of the success of the US... made up of so many different cultures, someone is always seeing things that could be done just a bit better than tradition. The great empires in history did it... they absorbed the cultures of the people they conquered... the Egyptians, the Persians, the Greeks, and the Romans. I can't say the British Empire followed this example during its peak; they acquired a taste for curry, but never really accepted the doctrines of the people they conquered, and kept their own culture insulated from that of the natives. That probably explains why that empire was so short-lived.

It would be difficult to name a standard American language, because there are so many to choose from. Within the US there are hundreds of subcultures, each with its own accent, vocabulary, etc. From San Fernando Valley Airheadese to Kentucky Hillbillian, from Hawaiian Pidgin to Bostonian, there are more ways to pronounce and speak the American dialect of English than any other language. British English doesn't lack for variety, either. Or do you mean to tell me that the annoying upper-class accent is still considered posh, and all people who speak differently on the isles are subhuman? That would be the traditional view, and it occurs to me that tradition is what is on trial here.

English is a living, changing language, adapted to the needs of the people who speak it. Whenever a need for a new word arises, the people are more than willing to steal one from another language, or invent one on the spot. The adaptability of the English language is a primary reason it has replaced French as the international language of diplomacy and business (the other reasons being, obviously, the ascendancy of the British Empire on the stage of world diplomacy and commerce, succeeded by their cousins across the pond). Now there's a people interested in preserving the integrity of their language. When they lacked their own words for simple products of Americana like t-shirts, jeans, sodas, and so on, the people simply used our words. The intelligentsia went livid, and went scrambling for their own clumsy new words to describe them... words which never quite caught on with the people. The effort to preserve French is very powerful, though. I think it's going to kill the language. If it cannot adapt to the rapidly changing world, it is going to fall out of use, as the people will have to shift to a suitable alternative that can be used to communicate in the modern world. In the next few generations, my friends, you're going to have the entire nation of France speaking English with that horrible accent. If you hate what us Americans are doing to the language, wait until they get a hold of it.

Cheerful Dragon bows in gratitude for, and acknowledgement of, the standing ovation. Cheeful Dragon also delivers a very snappy salute to the Colonel!

* slumps back in his chair *

I don't think I have anything to add to that. Bravo!

What I gather here is just the proof of a word from somebody unknown: The British and US people are separated by a common language.

Wow! I think you've hit the nail right on the head there.

That's just perfect!

I hate to split hairs here, but Key West and the rest of the Florida Keys seceded from the United States in April, 1983, and we're not interested in participation in this, either.

We have our own Consulate, issue passports to the Conch Republic, and would probably entertain the notion of some fiduciary consideration, if offered. Two rather addled members of my drinking group have considered appointment to the Court of St. James, as well.

By all means, let me know. My best regards to Her Majesty.

Found another reply - please don't shoot the messenger this time! As I have stated, this is not mt personal opinion. This one made me laugh at least......

You Say
You should look up "revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up Aluminium"...blah blah blah

We Say
Our vocabulary, as gutted and diced as it may be, does not customarily allow for phrases such as "ta" to indicate "Thank You" and "sweet as" to indicate, well, whatever the hell it means. We would like to keep it that way. And since we've advanced over the British to actually pronounce the letter "r", we'd rather not regress to pronouncing it like we just chewed on a Styptic pencil.

You Say
There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

We Say
U.S. English was primarily invented to make proper use of the letter "z" (and that's pronounced "zee" not "zed". When did the English decide that there was a letter "d" in "z"?). And "s" will never sound like "z". Ever. Oh, and Microsoft doesn't even listen to us, why on earth would it listen to you?

You Say
You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

We Say
We'll do that when the Brits can learn to sort American and Canadian accents.

You Say
Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

We Say
There are two primary reasons why British actors will never be cast as good guys
--Americans hold the Crown Empire personally responsible for unleashing the likes of Hugh Grant and Yahoo Serious on an unsuspecting world
--The spate of British films, such as "Sense and Sensibility" and "Howard's End", where a group of stiff-lipped, emotionally retarded Brits, who, given a lump of coal and copious amounts of petroleum jelly, could make diamonds they're so tight arsed, try to squeeze out a single expression of emotion within three hours.

You Say
You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

We Say
This would go against the general consensus that not even God should save the Queen.

You Say
You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it and should instead play proper football. Initially it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

We Say
Tough talk from a bunch of tea-sipping pinkie wigglers. This can easily be settled by putting the Oakland Raiders up against any panty-waisted soccer goons. And as far as Rugby goes, at least the Kevlar armour prevents America from being overrun with a bunch of Cauliflower-eared, brain damaged ex-athletes, who for some odd reason, are exalted as national heroes despite the fact that they have to be spoon-fed and diapered. And while we're on the subject, all, and I mean all, rugby players are at least latently homosexual. No man who spends that much time face down in the mud with a bunch of other guys humping him can be hetero.

You Say
You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "****".

We Say
Oh, I would say the 98.85% are aware of the outside world, they just don't give a rat's ass about a bunch of weak-willed fraidy cats that come whining at the doorstep asking to be bailed out of some mess every 50 years or so. As far as the French go, you're just jealous because we *could* nuke them if we wanted to.

You Say
July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

We Say
We've got 250 million tons of high-explosive fireworks that say otherwise.

You Say
All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

We Say
Yeah, we all know what great friends the Germans have been to the English over the years. They built all kinds of great machinery for use in Great Britain--Panzers, Stukkas....

You Say
Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

We Say
Oh, I think you know.

America gained its independence - Oh well done guys I alwys thought that Good King George was going a bit strange but I hadn't realised he'd gone that far.

I'm sorry I havn't been keeping up with current afairs. Its always either depressing protests in France or people moaning about taxes..

"So whose going to be the King over there then, and can we book tickets for the corronation"

What happened to that nice Franklin bloke - He was quite entertaining when he got bitchy.

As a matter of fact, American is aparently more similar to 1776 english than English is. I bet you wanted to know that.

And I don't think many people actually hate the other side. I expect that it is just jealously on our part...

"Our part"? Can you specify which side of the pond you are, Uncle?

'Great' Britain.

Sort of tangential to this thread: do the French get sniffy about the language spoken in Quebec?

Probably. As I said earlier, historical accuracy is irrelevant. Surely English is the language spoken in England, therefore what we speak here is the authentic version, while the American version is just a mucked-up mess.

I do wish they'd learn to spell colour properly. And humour. And honour. And rumour. And all the other words that confuse and confound the young.

The idea that the French need a cause in order to get sniffy shows that you do not understand them

Now I'm sure I've seen this dicussion here before?

Colour/color - Apparently the original works of Shakespeare have BOTH spellings - it's only in more recent years we (Brits) have decided to use colour as the correct version.

I've seen the proof - I'm sure it's in an old topic here somewhere? Hmmmmm...

The bit that really bugs me about the spelling differences? How many ppl on the UK are too flippin lazy to set the spell check to 'UK English' - just because the default is always 'US English' is no excuse at all.

I have the spelling checker set to UK English and it *still* doesn't recognise words I regard as being in normal use.

11. please tell us why nobody shot Teddy kennedy, that's also been driving us
crazy.
11. other countries will now be allowed to take part in your "World" series
12. baseball will be called by its proper name - "rounders"
13. you can have Ruby Wax and Lloyd Grossman back.
14. you can carry on with TV shows like jerry springer as long as they start
referring to sensible issues not just about people called billy-jo who want to
marry their own mothers,
or "my granny is an alien"
15. British involvement in world war II will be acknowledged in books and
movies, the war wasn't won single handedly by John Wayne.
16. you will have to stop cheating in the Ryder and Solheim Cup.
17. we will accept some training from your sports coaches on how to win things.
18. when we have tested this concept we will then explain how to win things with
dignity to your olympic relay team.
19. As an obvious benefit through peter sampras's new nationality we will have
a british tennis player in the second week of wimbledon for the first time in 73
years! we will have the week off to celebrate.
20. you can have trick or treating back - if my kids need sweets I take them to
the bl**dy shops not to blackmail elderly neighbours - who invented this.... the
mafia?

Well, I didn't say the UK dictionary was any good......just marginally better ...

Yay Tigger! (Hmm...deja vu...not from here, don't worry about it...)