h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think that the home of the White Star line was in Boston, Titanic was based in Southampton (as home port). White Star line was amalgamated Cunard in the late 1940's.

Where do I want to go/what do I want to see? From someone who's seen firsthand how wishy-washy I can be?

My main desire for this trip has always been to see as many of my h2g2 friends, past and present, as possible (thus the huge amount of people in the FB group, that also may or may not be related to an inability to put real names with h2g2 names for somewhat more than half the people there). When Tom was going to be coming, the only input I had from him was that he wanted to see some castles, which is why coelecanth made some excellent notes for me. That said, there are a few things that I already know that I want to do--see Kew Gardens (MMF's got that more than covered), visit the Tower of London, maybe see the Changing of the Guards, ride a double decker ... Typical tourist fare, mostly. When my guidebook arrives, I'll have more ideas, and I'm going to go back through the Kidding Herself archives, as well (I can safely ignore the Moscow ones, for now) (If you've not read Kidding Herself, you should http://kiddingherself.com/ ) even though I won't be traveling with a toddler, so some of the issues won't be concerns--the finding cool stuff on the cheap is, though!

Ok I would go:
London
South coast (others better placed to advise but I would probably go to Portsmouth for historic reasons; if you want proper British seaside, other places might be better)
Oxford or Stratford-upon-Avon or both
On to Manchester (probably via Birmingham, which is worth a stop-off if you've time)
Take the trundly slow train from Manchester across the Peak District to Sheffield, change for York
From York to Edinburgh

If you then have to get back from Edinburgh to London... Hm. The sleeper is fun, but you don't see much scenery. I think I'd return on the West coast mainline, which gives you a distant glimpse of the Lake District, and at one point (very near me) takes you alongside a Roman Road, a motorway, and a canal. Euston, where that train will end up, is not the most impressive station, inside or outside, but it's a good journey.

I wouldn't go to Stonehenge. It's difficult to get to by public transport (I don't think things have changed much since Bill Bryson wrote Notes From a Small Island, a book you should definitely read before coming). And I've always found it surprisingly small and disappointing.

I do have a paper copy of the full railway timetable if you need help. Websites aren't always helpful for planning this sort of trip. They're fine once you've sorted the itinerary but struggle with showing you all the options. I found old fashioned paper timetables much better when I was planning a similar tour of Europe a few years ago.

Mol

I'm wishy washy too, Amy.

{...Bill Bryson wrote Notes From a Small Island, a book you should definitely read before coming}

Whatever you do, don't read Paul Theroux's 'The Kingdom By The Sea'. You'd never set foot on the plane.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Kingdom_by_the_Sea

Agreed. Awful book. Theroux really didn't like Britain or its people at all. But Bryson is warm, funny, and affectionate, as well as being completely realistic about what Britain is like. Must read it again myself.

Mol

Bryson revisited it recently in 'The Road to Little Dribbling', which I have but haven't yet read.

I'm not sure Theroux was 'awful' as such. Those were bleak times, after all. Every country has that side to it, but you and I know how to avoid it. Theroux sought it out. It's a difficult, dark read, but it's honest.

Well - to be fair it's probably nearly 30 years since I read it. At the time Theroux was my favourite travel writer and I was really excited about reading his thoughts about places I actually knew. So my expectations were high and I was just devastated when I read it. I might feel differently if I read it again now; I'm an adult for a start, I was a teenager then.

Mol

Right. Have given London some thought, and here's the result.

The double decker tourist buses are worth a look. They will take you around all the sights, you can get off and get back on, and they do commentary. It's about 25 GBP for a 24 hour period. They also give you discounts on some of the other sights too, so it depends on if you want to go to them.

River cruises. You can also do tourist ones (there's an amphibian one which is both land and water, which is very cool), but actually the regular river buses are a blast and much cheaper, especially if you have an Osyter (I'm sure MMF or someone will have a spare). Without commentary, of course, and weirdly they only do about half the river at a time, but still takes you past thinks like the Tower and all the way down to Grenwich - in fact it's the best way to get to Grenwich if you fancy standing on the international date line or seeing the maritime museum.

Aside from that, because London is very big and a pain to get round, you can zone your sightseeing.

Triangle 1 - the big tourist hot spots

Houses of Parliament (can do tours, no idea how, might be difficult to book, probably expensive) and Big Ben, with Westminster Abbey (interesting dead people, fairly reasonable fee). Cut across St James' Park (pelicans) out the back of Parliament Square to Buckingham Palace. The changing of the guard is around 11am - unless you get there well over an hour before you won't get a good view of the full thing, but you could arrive around that time and see soldiers stamping in. Buck House should be open when you are there - likely to be very expensive, but might well be worth it. Then you go up the Mall to Trafalgar Square (nelson's column, lions, weird art on the fourth plinth) where you can also see the National Gallery (free important art you will have heard of) and the National Portrait Gallery (actual portraits of all the Kings and Queens and major personages going waaaaaay back, also free, start at the top and work your way down).

Then you go back down Whitehall, past the Hourseguards (guards in funny looking outfits plus horses you can take selfies with), and Downing Street (gesture rudely at our PM) and end up at Big Ben again. Look across the river at the big wheel (very very very expensive - big queues, but you can get a discount with the tourbuses).

Triangle 2 - the City (the old part)

The Tower and Tower Bridge. Now, I am not overly enamoured of the Twoer - it's probably, basically, better without kids, who get bored. But I think that's because I have never taken one of the free Beefeater tours, which everyone says are very good. The tickets are relatively expensive for the tower, but you do also get to see the Crown Jewels. Go round twice (there's a people conveyor belt). Try not to kill the ravens).

Then you want to get up to St Paul's Cathedral. You can walk, but I don;t remember it as being wildly interesting on the north bank, aside from a church or two, and not much more interesting on the south, although you do go past the giant war boat (you can also go round it). I'd catch a bus. St Paul's is probably worth a look round (modest fee) and somewhere around there should be a monument to the Great Fire of London (I forget where - never did find it for FS, we found a fake monument ventilation shaft instead). There's one of the h2g2 meet pubs nearby if you are feeling nostalgic.

The thing you do, though is go straight across the river from there via the pedestrian millennium bridge and end up at the Globe Theatre. You might even think of going to a performance. Definitely an experience. There's also the giant modern art gallery, the Tate next door (free) if you like modern art, and then you can walk down the South Bank (capitalised) past the concrete multi story car part that some people call the National Theatre and the National Festival Hall. Very hipster area, lots of stuff bound to be going on on the embankment in the summer, look out for the skater park. That takes your to Waterloo station, which is convenient.

Triangle 3 - South Kensington and Knightsbridge

Harrods. I like Harrods. It really is amazingly blingy. You must go to the toilet there. And check out the food halls. It helps if you get a feel for prices / pounds to dollar conversion rates before you go and see how much some people are willing to spend on kids' jeans.

South Ken just up the road and is where the Natural History Museum is, which Hoo mentioned, (will be busy unless you have just squeaked in ahead of the school hols (will start last week or two in July) - free, worth running in and looking at the main entrance hall if there isn;t a queue and you don;t want to make a day of it) and where the Science Museum is (free - don;t be fooled by the greeter stations which look like pay desks now - run in, run through the space hall and look at Stevenson;s Rocket, and Trivithick's even earlier engine), but the museum my tourist guests have liked best is the Victoria and Albert opposite (free). It;s design, but old stuff, and from all over. So beautiful old stuff. From all over. Also has a really fabulously decorated cafe. Sit in the bit with the tiles.

Round the corner from that is the Royal Albert Hall. Impressive building, but the reason I mention it is that you will probably the there during the Proms - a series of clasical music concerts. It;s a very middle class British tradition to go and queue up for tickets and then stand up for a few hours in the pit listening to classical music (cost about a fiver when I was doing it, may be a bit more now). You can get seated tickets, but that's cheating (you can do the same in the globe too, although you may have to buy those tckets in advance).

Opposite that is Hyde Park /Kensington Gardens, with the Albert Memorial right in front of you (how much gold leaf?), and the Diana Memorial Fountain (which isn;t a fountain) somewhere around too. To your left is Kensington Palace (Diana and Wills and Kate), which you can also go round (for a fee - actually, if you think Royal Palaces might be your thing, you can get a discount if you buy multiple entry tickets to a set of them. Hampton Court is included, and Hampton Court is excellent - they've fleshed out the rooms so you can see what happened there, and there are random cosplayers wandering around, which is fun (and up SW London way). Think it goes all out for princesses - they did have a lot of Diana's dreses there at one time - may still have Victoriana stuff, but you'd need to check as I have not been.

I don't rate Brighton much myself as a place to visit as a tourist, although it;d be great to live in or visit friends there. The main fun is going down there by car down the back routes - the South Downs villages are really pretty. Personally, if you want the seaside, I'd go Kent way, and probable Whitstable in particular. Rochester in Kent is interesting too - they have a very olde worlde high street and a Dickens connection they play to the hilt. Tricky to get to from SW London though. But there are some very nice beaches on the other side of the Estury from the Zens in Edinburgh, if you don't mind them almost certainly being bloody cold. I'd also mention they have an occupied Stately Home on their doorstep, so if you want to see how the aristocrats live/d you could save it for there too.

Easy to get to is Windsor Castle. Windsor Castle is VERY good, IMHO. It's a working Royal castle, which is really quite fascinating. Get the audio guides (free with a ticket). You can usually get money off the tickets with a train ticket, but if you have some kind of rail pass that might not work. Plus, if you nip down the road you can go and gawk at Eaton school, and if you time your gawking right, you can find all the funnily dressed school boys in and out of the cafes and such in the town.

That's all, but if you can find someone with a car to take you round pretty villages it'd be more fun than Stonehenge - interesting if you happen to be passing, not worth a special journey, road is terrible, and very dull too, public transport minimal, quite far from London), I;d listen to Mol about the scenic route railways, and if you were going to get off between Manchester and Edinburgh I might see if there was a stop near Hadrian's Wall, but some people might feel about Hadrian;s Wall the way I feel like Stonehenge.

Oh, and I;d agree Oxford is probably prettier than Cambridge, but Cambridge is where 2legs lives and not too far off the train route from Edinburgh to London... I wouldn't bother doing both uni towns. Train routes I can't be sure about - it's not on the direct line. Stevenage is though...

*Draws breath* Thanks for the shout out for the blog!

I should add, I dont expect you to do ALL the triangle/ sightseeing options in London, BTW. It;s just some ideas of how you could plan something without haring needlessly back and forth.

Royal Palaces memberhip - only works if you really want to go to at least three mind you: http://www.hrp.org.uk/support-us/individuals/membership/#gs.eAlrXW0

Two of the bus tours - note they have some free walking tours and a river trip included too: http://www.hoponhopoffplus.com/?gclid=COqkzJW4xM8CFcT2cgodSzMHJghttps://www.theoriginaltour.com/

Windsor prices https://www.royalcollection.org.uk/visit/windsorcastle/plan-your-visit

Windsor prices with a rail ticket https://www.southwesttrains.co.uk/offers--days-out/offers/windsor-castle/

Don't think you can go direct from Cambridge to Edinburgh. But then you can't get to Manchester from Cambridge either. Bah. Oxford it is then.

But you can *get* from Cambridge to Manchester, it just might be a bit complicated. A quick online check suggests it's possible with a single change at Birmingham or two changes (Peterborough and Doncaster).

I agree the tourist buses are a good way of seeing lots of London while also finding out what it is you're seeing. We used them on our first family day trip. On subsequent trips we've used public transport (and walked *miles* - best way, but wear good shoes) to explore a bit more, confident that we've already seen all the proper tourist things thanks to the first trip.

I keep trying and failing to include the National Portrait Gallery in our London excursions. But we did make it to the Cartoon Museum this year. It was excellent, especially if you like graphic novels.

Mol

And the two changes route ends up on the East Coast Mainline to York and Edinburgh. Could work.

Mol

Hm, if I wanted to do the Proms, I bet ag would go with me (she's offered her spare room)

Processing the other stuff...

Cambridge has clive the flying ostrich as well

The zens have also offered me a place to stay, as well as chauffeuring around Scotland

Listen to Mol re trains, not me. I am not good with trains.

Food!

London has China town with Chinese food and more places offering afternoon tea for a whole range of prices than you can shake a stick at, and it;s more filling than it sounds and fun. You can get afternoon teas all over the UK though - I believe it's become a bit of a thing for locals not just tourists. London also has some very good curry down Ag's way, and if you want to try Jamaican food, that's very available too.

I'd also say fish and chips, obs, but isn't Manchester where fish and chips was invented? Or was that Liverpool way? Locals would know. Manchester also used to be famous for its curry, no idea what that's like now.

Scotland. Deep fried mars bars. Just sayin'.

You can also walk into any supermarket and get pork pies, scotch eggs, marmite, dandilion and burdock soda, iron bru soda and probably monce pies (only 250 days until Christmas).

*mince pies. Sorry.

Pubs are probably the best place to get Proper British Cooking. Again, rely on your locals for where, unless, of course, they are doing it. Is Steak and Kidney pie a thing in the US? I like steak and kidney pie, but what you may (or may not) be interested in is a Sunday Lunch.

{...there should be a monument to the Great Fire of London (I forget where - never did find it for FS}

It's right in the heart of the business district. It's on (you'll never remember this) Monument Street. Nearest tube station is Monument (hope you're writing this down). Bank's not far either. It's a long climb up a spiral staircase to some fascinating views. It used to tower over everything - not today, but that doesn't diminish it in my opinion. Take a camera.

http://www.themonument.info/

Sol mentioned Sunday lunch - don't miss this. Roast chicken, lamb or beef, with potatoes (mashed and/or roasted), carrots, leeks in cheese sauce, cauliflower, parsnips, peas, broccoli and most important of all, Yorkshire pudding(s).

I married a Yorkshire lass and am required to produce the above on a reasonably regular basis, since she found out how good my Yorkshire puddings are.