h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There's this artist who makes posters for films that never were. My personal favourite so far is "Iron Man", starring Paul Newman as Tony Stark.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B9Gnd1LCUAAO0pH.jpg

I've decided that since a new cast for an old film would be a remake, an OLD cast for a recent film would be a "demake". So suggest some demakes. Cast need not be perfectly contemporaneous.

To start you off:
"The Matrix", starring James Dean as Neo, Lauren Bacall as Trinity, Sydney Poitier as Morpheus, and Henry Fonda as Agent Smith.

Caligula (1979) With Rik Mayall in the title role

The Wrong Trousers, starring John Noakes and Shep.

The Hobbit with Spike Milligan as Gandalf

Carey Mulligan as Maria in the Sound of Music.

Leo di Caprio in any role that was previously James Cagney's.

Matthew McConnaughey as Rhett Butler.

I like TC's list.

I'd like to bring the original Three Stooges back for that Three Stooges movie from a couple of years ago.

And George Reeve for the last three or four Superman movies.

Margaret Hamilton as the witch in "Into the Woods." [I guess I'm a Margaret Hamilton fan.]

Sometimes it's *not* a good idea to put an older actor into a newer film, as witness "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow," in which a young Laurence Olivier was digitized and inserted into the plot. It was ghastly!

I got it the wrong way round, though.

So - back the other way. James Stewart would have been perfect as The Martian.

Marilyn Monroe would have to be Legally Blonde.

How about Bogie and Bacall up there in "Gravity"?

No - I take that last one back. Gravity should be Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy.

I'd be happy with either.

Fight Club with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin (or maybe even Sammy Davis Jr for an interesting juxtaposition duality)

No singing thoughbut

Why go to the trouble of casting two well-known singers, though?

[I would love to see Judy Garland cast in some modern movies, but her talents would be wasted on the dreck that passes for music in so many movies these days. And if she doesn't sing, why even bother?

Just thought they fit the brat style of Fight Club is all.

I don't do musicals

If you're going to do "Fight Club", you want an everyman and a dangerous cool dude, both dealing with a screwed up femme fatale.

Which means you want Jimmy Stewart as the main character, and Tyler Durden played by Marlon Brando, with Margaret Lockwood as Marla.

If they had made Harry Potter films back then, Shirley Temple could have been Hermione. I'm still pondering on the two boys. A young Gregory Peck perhaps as Harry, and Oliver Hardy as Ron.

I don't really know enough old film stars well enough for this sadly I think.

I've heard of Margaret Lockwood, but that's about it.

Marlon Brando, yeah, that's quite a lot better than my suggestion. My own worry about Sinatra and Martin was that they were pretty crap actors iirc - good singers certainly.
I quite like the idea of a black Tyler Durton though and Sammy D Jr was actually quite a good actor.

Norton and Pitt can certainly act both my suggestions off the stage easily I think.

Not really sure how it would work mind, were there many cancer sufferer group therapy clinics and such in 50s USA?

My idea and I'm slating it :D

How about Gladiator starring Charlton Heston?

Oh wait

I think it doesn't pay too hard to think about whether the details of the film would work in the period, it's just fun to picture the movie done in a period style and with "classic" Hollywood movie stars instead of the stars of today.

Silence of the Lambs, Kathryn Hepburn as Clarice and Peter Lorre as Hannibal Lecter.

"Norton and Pitt can certainly act both my suggestions off the stage easily I think." [Orcus]

I agree!

Part of the trouble with many remakes is that the actors in the originals made audiences think no one else could do the job right. Consider Angela Lansberry versus Meryl Streep in "The Manchurian candidate" [which, incidentally, had Frank Sinatra in the cast. Sinatra's acting was variable, but he did win an Oscar in "From here to eternity." ]

Johnny Fontane I hear you cry

Norton is just about my favourite actor, I struggle to think of a better performance than Derek Vinyard in American History X.

He doesn't seem to have scaled those heights for a while though.

I agree - any film with Edward Norton is well worth seeing. Even when he was much younger - what was that film with Richard Gere as his attorney? - he really stood out.

While trying to think up more of these ideas, I came to the conclusion that the actors of the 40s and 50s were all rather larger-than-life, probably a legacy of the early film days. Quite honestly, they didn't really act much at all. Just imagine Kirk Douglas doing one of the more subtle roles that Michael Douglas played.

Also - the types of film have changed now, too. The story and the spectacle (well, with the obvious blockbuster exceptions) are in the background, and real acting is required. Just imagine Greta Garbo doing Cate Blanchett's part in "Blue Jasmine". It doesn't work.

For all the action heroes, Errol Flynn came into mind. He had the looks and the agility. But all the "acting" that people did was just so over the top.

Why do we cry in "Gone with the Wind"? - If the music wasn't there, the sweeping landscapes, the fuzzy filter, we'd probably find it quite hammy and funny.