h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You're thinking of conkers.

My grandfather used to dip my conkers in vinegar and put them up the chimney to harden them.

Easy, 2legs!

KB:
<<<I've never seen a whip made from a piggiwig's penis

I´ve been googling for pictures of whips,nothing, then pictures of pig penis on full show, nothing´...

I´ve found this page ( very funny btw) that talks about it and it also provides a drawing, at the right up corner)
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/50/does-a-pig-have-a-corkscrew-shaped-penis

I have to say I haven´t seen again those whips since I was a child.
Maybe there´s no market for it...

I think it could be part of an eco-friendly catalog, innit?

..

I was under the impression that kangaroos have a forked penis. I don't know where I got that from because they were dissecting a kangaroo on TV the other night and they clearly don'y - although it is rather oddly shaped. They also have their scrotum high up on the abdomen, in front of the penis.

But the females are just silly. They have three vaginas. these all converge on the same orifice as the digestive tract. All of which must make marsupial porn damn confusing.

>why not a chocolate penis?<

..because I rather like the one I've already got - and I've been told it's better than chocolate

>Could we have a penis hardened with toffee? mmm , That flavour mix sounds lovely to me!<

Sounds bloody painful to me ....could we compromise the local supermarket sells toffee yoghurt

What if someone attacked it with a toffee hammer?

Though actually...

I was thinking that I'd not seen a toffee hammer for years. My Grandma always seemed to have drawers full of them. So I googled...and Teh Wiki tells me they were the weapon of choice of Suffragettes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toffee_hammer

So an angry woman attacking a hardened penis with a toffee hammer is a distinct possibility.

>My grandfather used to dip my conkers in vinegar and put them up the chimney to harden them.<

...and the Daily Mail complained about the HSE insisting conker players wore googles if any of the 2legs clan swung their conkers in my direction I'd want a chemical warfare suit

More recently (last week) the HSE all but said that the school that did that were idiots.

Anyway...it Clackers that shatter violently causing eye injuries to children, not knackers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clackers

They don't make 'em any more, but Chinese love balls make a handy substitute.

Kegal (sp) balls definately still exist, they're kinda like them Ithink... or do they call them err bengall (sp) or somethign now... oh, and the male version of them I believe exists too ... so I've heard...

Mind, from what I've seen, anythign you can imagine might exist does, and all the stuff you dont' even dare or have the very slightest inkling of a suspescion might exist, probably exists too, in a variety of sizes shapes colours and flavours...

Oh. Chocolate peni definately exist, you can buy them with an accompanying mix of vairous sweet dips to go with them...

you can buy a 'breast' flannel/facecloth, (yes a flannel with 3D breasts on it), and I've a penus drinking straw that I got when on a hen night (yes Iwas the only male on the hen night... not sure if that was an insult to me, or a compliment... )

Racoon peni seem to frequently exist as things one can attach to jewlary and of course, you can get silver peni pendants and probably earrings too...

Ihad a coffee mug years ago which had a pair of breasts, but sadly a nipple got chipped, and it leaked after that...


I'm sure there is more... but I really don't dare go try find out for fear of discovering another 'realistic alien sex doll'... seirously...

Ben-Wa balls. aka Chinese love balls. Unlike Kegel balls they have jiggly things inside them. Which make the woman feel jiggly. Which make them even jigglier...

I know you can get lollipops in the shape of a penis. But what about a penis flavoured lollipop?

You can definitely get something that smells and tastes exactly like lady parts. They're called 'truffles'. I've only had them the once. They're even more expensive than actual lady parts.

Wasn't 'lady parts' a short lived bag of sweets? I'm sure I recall that... maybe...


ahh! Ben-Wa that's it! in fact... I do believe I've a set of soemthign very simular somewhere...

I think they're some kind of fancy plastic or silicon outside, hollow, with a stailless steel ball inside which has room to move about and make everything go jiggly... I believe...

I forgot you can buy penus molds, for makign icecubes or chocolates, plus of course, a larger mold, for making penis cakes... not sure what you'd put into a cake to make it taste like a penis though... I've been places where they've made cakes that tasted of bottoms... wel, they tasted crap which is close Iguess...

You are obviously struggling with syntax - in written English the adjectives should go in front of the verb

I plead the fifth

Oops.
That was then. a post number ending in 0.

Oh shurrup, Stiffener

>>I've been places where they've made cakes that tasted of bottoms

Have you seen (or read) 'The Help'?

'The Big Awful'

NO... not read them