h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I despise the way London-based journalists have decided that Mancunians say "foo king*". I've never in my life heard anyone say "foo king".

It's f'ing ridiculous.

(*minus the space - the filther is also f'ing ridiculous)

I find the Mom/Mum/Mammy thing is an excellent and pretty reliable indicator of the true source of text, lacking other clues.

Every time I objected, someone would say 'It sounds more friendly.' It wasn't the time or place to sound friendly.

It's not friendly, it's patronising as shit.

A million years ago my Pa was a clergyman and I was 10. Someone came to the front door and rang the bell and I answered it. She was clearly disconcerted but grinned toothily at me and said "is Daddy home?" I stared in amazement (my Pa was not this woman's "daddy") and muttered that "the vicar is out",and we both recoiled from the encounter in horror.

25 years later she recounted the same story to my Ma; it was clearly etched as firmly in her mind as it was in mine.

Poor woman; I must have looked like the snootiest young bitch in the world. If I'd been only a little older I'd have gone straight for the pronoun and said "no, he's out" and left it at that.

B

A friend once gave me her back catalogue of Baby and Toddler magazine (or somesuch), with the apologetic rider, 'You have to just ignore the fact they call children 'tots'.'

Babies get called 'baby' too. That irritates me.

And what I want to know is why babies are always female in leaflets, baby magazines and so on too.

I'm happy calling a gender-unspecified baby "it", but it seems to upset other people.

"I'm happy calling a gender-unspecified baby "it", but it seems to upset other people"

I'm happy calling anything under sixteen and/or with an apparent IQ less than 90 "it", but that really seems to upset practically everybody.

Yes that could be problematic if you ever went for a job working as a support worker working with people with learning difficulties....can't see you in that sort of job though

I've done it...but I wouldn't recommend it.

Of course IQ is a pretty poor way of judging someone's humanity. A much better way is...humanity.

Yes sarr. Hadn't ocurred to me.

Dr Spock refers to the baby as 'he' because (he tells us) he needs the female personal pronouns for the mother.

'Toddler taming' (another great classic, but this time aimed at both parents) uses male and female pronouns for the children in alternate chapters.

So perhaps now we are halfway round the circle, if babies are generally 'she'.

We use 'mum' when we're *talking* about cases but never in anything written.

My daughters say 'lol' when they find something funny. I don't. Well, I mean *they* don't sit in front of Live At The Apollo saying 'Lol. Lol. Lol.' - they do actually laugh. But ... well, what a weird world.

Mol

I left a consultation with #1 once because they kept referring to me as "mama" (German equivalent of mum)

I hate Tots or similar or Baby when they mean The Baby. etc etc

so you will never hear me use them

I'd have to think about words & phrases I don't use - I like to use Youth Speak which has just gone out of fashion to annoy my daughtes, but that's a whole other story.

I keep asking my children's friends if they're one of these hoodies I've been warned about.

Dr Spock uses the pronoun 'he' even when it is clear he is talking about a female baby. It's quite disconcerting, but I make allowances for the age.

I suppose using 'they' would be seen as too impersonal for babies. But then using 'she' instead is both twee and bloddy minded, since it not only depersonalises but also ignores half the population of babies completely.

it's easy in German. Das Kind. They call them "it".

I don't mind he or she for babies (or generalisations) as long as it's consistent. if I'm the writer I tend to use s/he.

They say lol... Out loud? Wow.

My daughters say "lol" as well, but only in an ironic way.

ell oh ell or actually lol?

Actually lol.