h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I dreamed they were building a secret space ship and hiding it from us in the shadow of solar eclipses. (Ok, not so logical, but it was a dream ok?) So what are they up to up there?

B

Building my death ray.

No, that was Ben.

Zero-gravity sex.... come on... just think of the positions you could get into were there no gravity or need to worry about falling over whilst... damnit.... now I want to go into space!

I think you need to think through that process to its conclusion before jumping on board the space shuttle. Imagine the cleaning up...

B

I am... I am...

Float.

I'm not sure Zero-G sex would be what it's cracked up to be. You wouldn't be able to get a purchase.

A purchase? I didn't realise they had THAT sort of service up there.

Do they have a rocket specially to fly the girls out?

B

ahh... no purchase... but you can kinda fling yourself off of a wall... and... well... and... hmmm.... these kinda thoughts on a Sunday afternoon are doing nothing to spurr me into a frenzy of housework activity...
hmmm... actually... hmmm... I'm thinking straps could be employed to great advantage...

Without straps, two people can't do much more than wriggle together a bit in zero g.

OK.... and, prey tell... please please please say you know this from first hand.... maybe hand is the wrong word.... experience?
OK.... elastic works in zero Gee? right? I've a plan, so cunning you could stick a bungee rope on it and call it... X-rated...

What would I know about sex? I'm a married man.

They spend their time picking tomatoes and making [and, of course, eating] pizzas, as in the story I wrote yesterday:


My family’s shuttle was en route to the glass-domed colony on the Moon.

“Tomatoes? In space?” Scott exclaimed. “Dad, look!”

I saw a large bubble-shaped greenhouse full of red tomatoes floating by.

“Fancy one?” I said.

“We can make pizzas!”

Imagine if you gave a particularly satisfying thrust and s/he was sent flying across the space station. You'd not be able to get any kind of rhythm going.

Mind you - there's always that internal muscle thing that lassies can do if they've been doing their pelvic floors. Hooooo yusss.

You're reminding me of an Arthur C. Clarke story I read a while ago. A few sentences into it, it became obvious that the whole point of the story was just to let him daydream about "Hey, wonder what it would be like to do THIS in zero gravity. Hmmm, and what about doing THAT in zero gravity..."

According to the astronauts they're "pissing in jars and looking at stars." The ISS is sadly not much more than a waste of money.

That's obviously a self-deprecating wise-crack, though, the type that everybody makes about their jobs. Not sure you can read that much into it.

As I vaguely remember, or vaguely incorrectly remember, more sensably, I'm sure they do a lot of experiments, especially I guess of a chemistry nature, just to see what effect running them in zero gee has compaired to doing them in a lab on earth... Sure they're also doing a lot of stuff looking at long term effects of being in space on physiology of people up there for a long duration... Do they not have a website?

hummm..... the thrusting only to have your partner shoot off you to the opposite end of the room, due to the lack of gravity, I was thinking could be prevented by careful use of bungee ropes... seriously... I've a plan... now all I need to do is try hitchhike a lift on a passing spaceship
*stick out, stop it. I was* tgoing to say 'thumb', really... *

Yes they have done a number of experiments to determine how zero gravity affects the human body, as well as spiders spinning webs and a number of other things. None of which seems particularly useful.