h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And they say men can't multitask.

The rules are included in this: A6127814

I've seen grown men fail to assess the situation and instead dash for a cubicle.

The Urinal Rules are similar to Hund's rules in sub-atomic physics re. electron ground states, also known as the "Bus seat rule".

Erases Hund and puts in Pauli while no-one's looking.

My daughter recently taught me how to make sure nobody sits next to you on a bus. If someone approaches you, you shout excitedly ~Oh! Oh! Sit here! Sit here!~...and they turn on their heels and disappear.

A bit like Billy Connollys technique for scratching your arse in public without being seen. You simply say ~My God! Ive got an incredibly itchy arse! Im going to give it a good scratch right now.~ And everyone goes ~Jaysus!~ and looks away...

I have my own addendum to the standard urinal rules, which states that I will forsake at least three rules if it means being able to use a urinal at adult height, rather than a kiddy one.

Makes me feel kinda weird.

B

The urinal rules exist to maintain a delicate balance between seeming to be too close to another guy's exposed person, and seeming to be avoiding them...

I can't really think of any Part One that no one else has mentioned (not right now, anyway).

But for Part Two:

I'm a fairly good cook and can throw together a decent meal, yes. I usually enjoy it. I also do a good job at making my own bread and tofu.

As for sewing, I'm ashamed to admit that I can sew on a button or mend a small hole, but beyond that... I also have two sewing machines, an electric and an antique Singer foot-treadle model, and try as I might, every time I thread them, the thread bunches up and the needle breaks.

When it comes to DIY I'm not terribly handy, but then again, I've never owned a home and landlords frown upon tenants doing much DIY. I did install our kitchen faucet a couple years ago when the old one broke. My husband is a great painter, though!

I'm capable of looking after children without killing or injuring them, but I'm not particularly fond of children so I avoid doing so as much as possible. Once a year, when my husband's niece and nephew come to town, we take them for a day at the zoo or the beach or a museum, but that's about all I can muster.

I've neither owned nor driven a car in 21 years, nor have I needed to. But my husband does, and last time he got a flat, I changed the tire. I also pushed it to the side of the road while he steered. That looked funnier, I'm sure, to people who didn't know I have no driver's license. There's also an amusing anecdote about the Thanksgiving dinner where he sat in the car while I changed the battery in the middle of a snowstorm.

When it comes to managing finances, I think I do a great job. I'm not comfortable enough with divulging personal info online to get into why.

And while I do know some very basic first aid, I really want to know more, especially un-learning CPR and learning what they've now found to be less risky. And not getting woozy at the sign of blood (anyone else's but mine, anyway).

This is a great topic!!

If you want the urinal either side of you free, i find adopting the childs weeing technique is brilliant.

1. Stand facing urinal

2. Drop trousers and underpants to ankles.

3. Wee in splendid isolation.

For those wishing for the advanced version of this technique, between step two and step 3 insert step 2(a)

2(a) Tuck Vest under chin.

>>..people have no idea - like all those people (like my
father) who think that outstaring a dog is a good way to
show it who's boss... <<

Men! Meh.


~jwf~

After mentioning that being able to walk
gracefully in high heels, Sol went on to
ask:

>> Actually, are there any skills which men need
and women don't or vice versa? Really? <<

It's a matter of degree and the necessity of circumstances
(such as a single father needing to develop nurturing skills or
a woman needing to forge weapons) but using your example
of high heels, it's one of many skills which once they cross the
gender barrier inherently dislocate any working majority of
testosterone or that hormone ladies have which are used to
render judgements of the gender balance. That is to say, a
man who is graceful in high heels is not a man. Really.

Ask NtM at the weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8j8c5169I8&feature=fvst


~jwf~

Yes, but many (many many) women do not walk gracefully in high heels. In fact, I have a small ongoing bet with myself everytime I see someone who isin the UK. Ah, I say. Eastern European. Usually I am right.

Perhaps it is a kink in the anglo-saxon genes.

High heels and stand up urinals just aren't meant to go together.

Tis why I was fined a bottle of Port at a Mess dinner. At the order from the Mess President, "Ease springs" we all made a dash for the toilets and the ladies happened to be closer - hence fined for sitting down to have a wee.
I was also fined for frolicing with the port and eating four duffs when only three were allowed.

Essential life skills fro the UK Armed Forces:

1. Don't get spotted sitting down to have a wee, it's not manly
2. Don't frolic with the Port
3. Only eat three puddings

Oh - I forgot...

I can also make an origami frog.

Now it might not sound essential - but its a great ice breaker with shy children. Since its a lengthy procedure I generally lead into it with my flapping bird, and/or my mouse made from a napkin (which, by deft prestidigitation, I can make look as though its running up my arm).

Ive a black belt in origami. Dead handy if anyone attacks me with a sheet of A4.

>> If someone approaches you, you shout excitedly ~Oh! Oh! Sit here! Sit here!~ <<

I find patting the seat and putting on a leery grin is the best method.

One to add to the list: know what to do when you see in the rear view mirror, and it's not trying to overtake you.

RF

If you want to practice your urinal skills...

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

RF

>>Ive a black belt in origami. Dead handy if anyone attacks me with a sheet of A4.<<

Isn't origami usually based off square sheets?

Well not necessarily.

But if it is A4, the first move is the Salute To The Square, where you fold down a triangle and rip off the bottom bit. That gets the Chi flowing through your fingertips.