h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

g*d d*mn I'm getting old... I think now about an 18-30 trip with pished-up lobster-looking football hooligans, alcohol poisoning and E-Coli burgers for breakfast... no thank you! **bleugh**

So spoken in an email yesterday by my daughter, at the grand old age of 25.

I like literally translated expressions from other languages e.g. there's a Greek saying that means "so what", but translates as "My yoghurt went off!!"

The logic being that yoghurt is off, anyway.

On seeing I was perspiring, my brother in law said I was:

"wetter than a blind lesbian in a fish shop"

As old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth.

Reported on the BBC the other day, a retired schooltacher said that the word 'fail' should be deleted from the educational vocabulary to be replaced with the concept of 'deferred success'

She's obviously not the brightest button in the box.

No doubt drunks could say they are "deferred sobrietists"

'It is just dog eat dog'

My personal opinion is that there's nothing wrong in failing but the problem arises when labelling someone a 'failure'.

'Let the hare see the rabbit'

Don't sell the pelt before you load your gun!

~^M^~

Don't count you chikens before they are hatched.

you're

'Feel like I've gone 15 rounds in a dustbin with a gorilla'

'Meanwhile back in Jerusalem...' (for things/people taking a long time)

'Would you Adam and Eve it?' (instead of I can't believe it)

'I've got the Pope on a 7 year engagement' (ie I have THAT many sins to confess!)

'Pony and Trap' and other COCKNEY Ryming Slang

Pony and trap??? Slap?? Map?? Wrap?? Bap?? Gap?? Clap??



"You can't put the feathers back on the chook"

Pinch Punch First of the Month White Rabbits

That takes me back...

Well it is the 1st of August in UK we say that and if you see a white rabbit today you will have good luck all day. Pinch punch is a playground gag and you would get a punch and a pinch on the arm.