h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmmm. Shall I pick on huge multinationals with zillions of $£ or my local ice cream man...ice cream man it is! On the side of his van is writing which says "Award winning ice cream". What award is that, I wonder? Maybe he says to his wife "Which ice cream man would you give an award to - me or Dave down the road". His wife says "You!" so he thinks "Yeah, I can put that on my van".

Actually, this sort of thing does seem to pop up in TV commercials and other adverts. I saw an advert for a theatre with a Madness tribute band. After about twenty adjectives ("brilliant!", "fantastic!", "amazing!") the advert said that the tribute band is "The nation's favourite Madness tribute band". I wonder how they know...

Lloyds TSB are advertising their current account on the radio. The USP is that you don't have to wait days for interest on cheques paid into your account, you get paid interest straight away! Brilliant!

In the small-print-type quickly-spoken bit at the end, they say that this is for personal cheques only up to a value of £1,000 per day. OK, so what?

The maximum you can pay in to take advantage of this scheme is around £250,000 per year, there being approximately 250 working days in a year. Interest rate for their "Classic Plus" account is, handily, 4.00% - makes the maths a bit easier. Wow! £10,000 interest!

Only trouble is, the gain you're making is only for those days when other banks *don't* pay you interest. That's the 3 days it takes for the cheque to clear.

So now you get £10,000 x (3/365), which is £82.19. That's less than £7 a month. If you've got enough cash to be putting a quarter of a million pounds through your bank account, I doubt you'll be that fussed about an extra £7. In fact, finding a bank that pays just slightly more interest (0.04% more will do it - 4.04% instead of 4.00) will earn you more.

And there's one final wrinkle. The "Classic Plus" account only pays 4.00% for balances up to £5,000, then it reverts to the "Classic" rate of interest, a paltry 0.1%. Now, I'm guessing here, but someone who has quarter of a million to flush through his bank account is likely to have a balance higher than £5,000 at any one time. If it's greater than £5,000 all year, he'll have earned a pathetic £2.05 *per year*.

Wow. I'm totally motivated to move my account to Lloyds TSB now.

RF

My company car is a Prius. I've been running it for six months and it's been interesting.

Over 13000 miles, the average is 46 MPG. My previous 2 litre Avensis did 45MPG. The petrol engine is too small. Anything over 50mph and it's revving far too high, probably around 3500rpm. As a city car I would say it would reduce emissions as every time you stop in traffic, the engine cuts out thus reducing emissions. But as a car used primarily outside the city, there are no real benefits. The real benefit is with tax. I pay £700 company car tax. The alternative car I was offered, an Audi A3 costs £1800 per year.

I had a Peugeot 407 last week. 2 litre diesel, it was fantastic. At 70 mph revs were only 2000rpm. Far less emissions.

I don´t think the Lloyds TSB thing is advertising stupidity. They don´t make any claims they don´t support such as "this shampoo cures cancer" and they probably get people who don´t bother with the maths to switch to them. Seems they are merely doing what advertising is intended for.

Plus people have been complaining for years that banks keep the interest earned while cheques are clearing. A step in the right direction anyhow. Won't make me change banks though - never use cheques if at all possible to avoid them...

Yeah, well the bank is *still* going to keep the vast majority of the money from cheques, as they won't qualify under the rules that LloydsTSB are proposing.

It makes you think, though, that all those people complaining about it are complaining about the wrong thing, really.

RF

Never mind the interest, do you get access to the money from the cheque itself instantly now? How about electronic transfers?

It is very annoying that banks still do this. As advertising slogans go, I would pick 'instant transfers' over half a percent of interest any day.

Anyone seen the newish Lynx-dry adverts? (can anyone have failed to?

Not anything specific about whay is to me at leasy quite an amusing advertising campaign, I just can't get my head around the fact that someone has just invented a newly fangled anti-perspirant deodorant

Whatever will they think of next? Perhaps moving pictures Carts that move without horses Being able to talk to people in the next village, without having to go there...
Wow, this new invention business is getting me all excited.

Carts that move without horses? Never.

Next you'll be telling me that one day I'll be able to sit in front of a machine that combines the properties of a type-writer and difference engine which is able to instantly transmit information to some International Network. Sheer fantasy, m'boy!

Just the thought's got me sweating

Does anyone know anyone who actually *uses* Lynx? I guess someone must...maybe it's all the drunken teenagers who litter our town centres on Saturday nights these days...

RF

I've been known to use Lynx. When it comes to pit spray I'll use whatever's on a BOGOF at the time.

My step son uses it. He's got about 6 different flavours all over the bathroom. I don't know about attracting women but flies drop dead at six paces.

Given that they've only just discovered that they should use some kind of sweat-retardant in their pit spray, don't you think you should've connected a couple of neurons together before making that decision?

Unless "sweaty but smelling of Lynx as well" was the olfactory effect you were going for?

RF

I always use anti-perspirant so I was probably mistaken when I said I'd used Lynx. I don't pay much attention to pit-spray.

Isn't deodourant just perfume? And isn't perfume for birds?

Yes. And no. What's aftershave if not "perfume for blokes"?

RF

I don't use aftershave. It is, as you say, perfume for blokes.

I am a perfume for blokes wearer.

I use "stops you sweating" spray in my pits.

RF

>I am a perfume for blokes wearer.<

You know, you seemed the type...

Eh, duck off. It's manly, that's what it is.

RF