h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Isn't there a costermonger? I blame 2legs for the declining numbers of costermongers in post-industrial Britain. Tis chronic!

You are the word monger, and I claim my five pounds reward!

I blame 2legs for the ancient travelling and roaming cheese mongers of North Staffordshire, and their evil cheese-mongering ways, their dainty Staffordshire Blue, and their powerful Goats cheese, and their tantelising creamy Staffordshire spiced wedge, and for their inability to roam as far as Cambridge, and bless my street with their presence, as I pay reverence to their cheese mongering worthyness and their ancient, historic, mythological-like amazing cheese-mongering ways and procedural protocols
I also blame 2legs for one load of laundry which ends up being two loads, for having to grind yet* more coffee beans, and for my having to drink more coffee to stay awake to do laundry, and for the continueing abscence of Staffordshire finest herbed crusted craemed goats blue cheese from my ninja cheese refrigeration unit.

I blame 2legs for my having things to do, people to see and places to go, but feeling pleasantly and treacherously lazy

I blame 2legs for the warm summer sun,
things that have been done,
and things that are yet to be,
For bacon and scones,
and flour-smitten aprons,
and for a pot of fresh brewed coffee.

I blame 'imself for dodgy Danish blue and nefarious cheesemongers who ruin people's dinner. Public flogging's too good for them. They should be tied to a cow's tail and shat upon.

...and dragged through a bull market.


~jwf~

and taken to the post by the river, and tied up and covered in non dairy whipping cream, and then have marmalade thrown all abotu their feet, and have an angry mob of aged hipsters come up to them, and shout 'pancakes' very loudly, whilst a group of middle-aged women stand round, tutting very loudly, whilst throwing marshmellows at their own children, and sipping Earl Gray tea, and then, after that, a hyperactive cola fueled mob of youths, can come along, and smatter them all with melted Edam!

I blame 2legs for Tuna, pasta, romaine, cucumber, parmazan and fennel salad

2legs for Justice Minister!

He's got a creative flair for punishment

.... learned from an extensive experiance of having recieved it
I blame 2legs for midnight snacks of toasted home-made poppy seed and caraway baguette with butter and Austrian smoked cheddar

I BLAME 2LEGS!!!!!

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/i-saw-man-commit-obscene-act-with-a-pony-says-witness-16204437.html

For once, that was most definately not my fault!

Many years ago I watched as vets collected semen
from stallions. First the horses were aroused by
close contact to a mare in heat. When erect, a large
collector condom was placed over their (amazingly)
huge penises and the vet stimulated them to ejaculate
into the condom. This was then used to impregnate the
mares - another manual process that involved the vet
pulling a similar condom over his arm, taking a sample
into his fist and inserting it directly into the mare.
The mare was shackled and hobbled with three or four
men holding her in place. I recall the vet stood on tip-toes
while his arm disappeared up to the shoulder. He had a
very professional and purposeful look on his face.

But I don't like to think about it.
And certainly don't want to talk about it.
I only mention it now because I like to give people
the benefit of the doubt. Animal husbandry doesn't
always mean what it might suggest.

When I asked the folks at this breeding farm why they
didn't just let the horses do their own thing I was told
many reasons - most of which I've forgotten - including:
to prevent injury to very expensive horses (mares are
inclined to kick and break the stallions' hind 2legs);
and to insure full penetration of the semen to achieve
proper insemenation. I have always felt it was all wrong,
unnecessary and arrogant human behaviour. So I find it hard
to judge anybody doing what Nature tells them needs doing.


~jwf~

Could 2legs and the ancestors of 2legs be responsible for "artificial cranial deformation"?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_cranial_deformation

I have finished reading an 1880 book, reprinted by the British Library regarding a History and Geneology of the Human Race and have been following up some of the loose ends, when I came across this practice. The book itself is quite an interesting read - I never realised that there had been attempts by scholars to trace the peoples of the world to the off-spring of Noah. Looking beyond the book it seems that the Noah story itself originated from a flood in the persian gulf - flooding ancient Sumeria.

Started the day with four seemingly irresolvable problems. Solved two, moved two into an endgame phase. But I blame 2legs for a splitting headache caused by concentrating too much!

(Or maybe it's that cranial deformation again... )

I blame 2legs for Risen 2!What a crap game, loads of bugs and graphics
grafted from the first Risen. It's had me screaming with frustration here.
Traded it in today.

I blame 2legs for the constant drilling. It is agitating the dwarves no end.

Constant drilling?
That's a kd lang song innit.

http://youtu.be/oXqPjx94YMg


~jwf~

I blame 2legs that the shops are getting the Christmas things out already!

I blame 2legs that mother already bought some Christmas chocolates, but we ate them

Oh crap I forgot to buy an anniversary card for my son today.
Blast you 2legs.
Now don't make me forget tomorrow.