h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You can't expect protection from anything as soft as butter. If you believe that, you can't be all there.

I'm not at all there, I'm mainly here... well there's always a bit of me somewhere else, no matter how hard I try to clean up

Which bit

Well, my nose for a start... I lost that ages ago and I've checked behind the fridge and down the back of all the sofas and it wasn't there... So by all accounts it really oughta be here...
*looks under panda*
where'd that panda come from?

You've lost your nose? Then (risking terrible music-hall joke) how do you smell?

Like Lorry oil shampoo and jasmine bubble bath
Or...
At least I would... if I could smell at all....
Or... at least I would if I were here, but I'm not here, right? YOu never saw me?

I talked to a man in the street today who wasn't there, bet he'll not be there again later...

"He wasn't there again today
I think he's from the CIA."

So he wasn't there, but you were. You've admitted it at last.

Me? there? How? I'm here... see... here I am, and theres there, and there me no me there, fo rme here be here. here.
Here here.
thank you.
*takes a bow*
I do it for the love of the stage...
Oh flowers thank you.
And yes, I'd love a drink of champaign, why thankyou.

So, you see it cna't have been me... know you.... now you... wher ewer eyou, you werne't here, so you must have teen there!

for your performance, 2legs. Very theatrical. But theatre is art, and as Picasso said, "The artist can use all the tricks of the intellectual charlatan."

So I remain unconvinced.

well its Friday so I'm here again, but I'm not the one refering to the "who" or the "was" or for that matter the "that" but it is clear the question is still open to debate as to "who was that?"

Just because nobody was referring to you specifically doesn't mean you're not in the frame.

Just because there isn't any trifle in the fridge does not mean there has never been any trifle in the fridge, I've been questioning the fridge about this at great length, but as yet I've obviously not gotten a good enough interrigation technique as the fridge is ttaying stum....

It still wasn't me though. Can't have been, absolutely impossible.

You're doing nothing for your credibility, 2legs.

You expect us to believe that you talk to your fridge. You expect it to answer. You think somehow you may be able to improve your technique so that the fridge answers.

How can we believe what you say? How can we believe anything you say?

How can we be sure it wasn't you?

I was talking to the fridge at the time; ask the microwave, he was there watching

And the Fridge does answer and talk to me sometimes, just not all the time, depending, largely, on how much vodka I've drunk and anyhow, it cna't have been me, as it wasn't me, see... makes perfect sense.... I checked with the hairdryer....

I know its not Friday but I will this time make a point


who is going to open the fridge?, was the fridge ever opened?, that is the question. Does not opening the fridge mean that the contents don't exist unless someone observes the inside, so if that is the case then does the contents have any place in the known universe.....sorry I'm having a Dirk Gently moment.

see you all next Friday....the 13th

I open the fridge quite frequently.... Its contents vary but almost always includes:
Cheeses.
butter.
Orange juice.
Salami.
Eggs.
Bacon.
Onions.
Garlic,
Tomatos,
Root ginger,
lemons.
various bottles of sauces, and.
The Unpronounceable effergy of a alien hand made entirely of lettuce, no one knows where it came from, only that we don't dare eat it; its very scarey.

Where's the beer?

Somebody'a awiped it. And it definitely wasn't me.

I have homemade birdfood balls now in the bottom of my fridge

Beer is kept the large beer spirits and wine cupboard natraully.... I don't have no lager so a nice out of the way big brick walled walk in cupboard is fine mind, not that I'e ever ot much beer in... it disappears so quickly....

maybe thats something... maybe this whoever it is has stolen all my beer, and whisky and rioja!