h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Southern city gent: "Excuse me Yorkshire dale farmer type person, which of these sheep are yours?"
Farmer: "Tha's them thar, that tha kna's" (E.&O.E.)

Ee bai gum, tha's looast mi theer!!!!

There is them there, that you know

Actually my phrase was much more Lincolnshire than Yorkshire, but since at the last count there were only about 3 people in Lincolnshire it doesn't merit an accent of its own .

Ta, gang!!

Well I know at least four (actually more but those four are family ) people in Lincolnshire.

Has to be more......
Who eats all that Lincolnshire sausage???

'G'

There's lots of people in Lincolnshire, but, as the saying goes, "not a thumb between them."

People all over the world are waiting for a revolution. In rural Lincolnshire they are waiting for evolution

(With apologies to the estate of the late Bill Hicks)

I had to look on a map just now to locate Lincolnshire. It's quite big.

So, explain to a simple gal what the joke is, please.

There are 800,000 people in Lincolnshire and it is *goes out on a limb* the second or third biggest county in England - it is therefore sparcely populated with little rural communities - where inbreeding may occur ....

Kaeori,
Mention of the pastimes in Lincolnshire has reminded me of a sketch from "the Two Ronnies".
Ronnie Barker, he of ample girth, and Ronnie Corbett, he of diminutive stature (but beautifully proportioned - is his claim).
Their stock in trade was the good old double entendre.
Scene: a hardware shop in deepest Ruralshire. Little Ron - proprietor. Big Ron - customer, honest son of the soil but none too bright, with shopping list. (Most of the items I've forgotten, but someone else may help with them.)
BR (reads from list) "Forcandles"
LR (trudges down to other end of counter, gets ladder, climbs, opens box, returns and places four candles on the counter.
BR (looks puzzled) "No. Forcandles!"
LR (patiently) "Yes, there you are. 1, 2, 3, 4 candles.
BR "No. Forcandles. 'Andles for forks." [Handles for garden forks]
LR replaces candles and returns with fork handles and waits for next request.
This is repeated several times with each becoming less patient and more puzzled, respectively, until
LR (exasperated, grabs list and reads to himself) "This is too much, there's no need for That!"
BR (takes list back and reads aloud) "Billhooks - what's wrong with that?" [Billhook another word for sickle.]


They also did musical stuff. In particular Gilbert & Sullivan.
From HMS Pinafore the policemen's song:
"With constabulary duties to be done,
to be done,
A policeman's lot is not a happy one,
happy one."
2 Rs' version:
"There's a sailor lying drunk and feeling peeky,
feeling peeky,
In the gutter where the pavement kerb he grips,
kirby grips,
And he cries 'My boat, the Pinafore, is leaking.
fore is leaking,
What the navy needs is more efficient ships,
fish and chips.'"

Sadly, the commercially available recording doesn't contain the final TV verse, in the same style repeating last three syllables - important to remember that. If memory serves it deals with a man in Venice who, tired of his wife, kills her -
"And threw her body in the far canal,
.............Fancy that!"
(Just to avoid any possible misinterpretation of the words, you see!)

The reason for dragging all this up is: BBC 1 is doing a programme on Saturday 21.05 - 22.15 hours to celebrate 40 yrs something which may include the 2Rs, or not.

Thanks for that, plaguesville.

I'm fairly sure I've seen the first sketch. Not the second, though. And I can't say I get the joke. Is it a dialect thing?

Plaguesville - Hi!

Amongst other items I have forgotten in that 2Rs sketch

Plugs Bathroom......................13Amp!
Peas..............................As in Mon Repos!

'G'

Far canal?

God grief no, that's universal. Don't go reading it out loud to yourself at work though, to find out what it could be.

(Try putting the emphasis on the last syllable)

With regards the Lincolnshire topic, may I suggest that you all may be talking out of your bottoms. I went out with a lovely girl from Lincolnshire once - no sign of in-breeding at all.

Well she did have five legs, I'll grant you that. Her trousers fitted her like a glove. Boom Boom.

Okay, thanks Trillian, I think I've got that one now. That accounts for half the dialogue in the film 'Snatch'!

Still don't get the others. But if they're equally rude, perhaps it's best if I don't.

Trillians Child! Hi! (I would have thought you would have changed your name to 'Random' by now, in keeping with DNA's 'Mostly Harmless!!)

No. Seriously, your last posting here reminded me of Billy Connolly's 'Swear words that arn't swear words'

These are GETIFU and BASA...........
Say them together, using a Glaswegian accent, and you will see what he means!!!!!!!!!!!


'G'

There's another "2 Rons" sketch (with a link to British English of course !) which I don't remeber ever seeing in any comilation or "best of" program.

It's all based around complete conversations using just letters (rather than words)

I remember a few examples ...
M N X for ham and eggs

Actually, I can't remember any others now, and it was a whole sketch !! Can anyone help out ?

After doing a bit of background surfing for information on the League of Gentlemen for a different conversation, I found one site (Comedy Central?) with a small and rather patchy guide to Northern English for Americans.
One word included in the guide that caught my eye was 'fortnight'. Was the writer trying to be ironic, or is the word really not part of US English usage?
Though I suppose there's no reason why they *have* to use it, it just seems really strange if they don't.